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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that only people who worship Christ should have a church wedding or baptism

405 replies

HollyMiamiFLA · 12/02/2014 09:30

And that those people who are not Christians but have a church wedding are just doing it because they want to be the centre of attention in a lovely white dress, to walk down the aisle with music playing and that all that stuff the vicar says about God etc is irrelevant because they don't actually believe it but they're going with the flow and it's traditional.

AIBU to think it's a facade - vicars go along with it because it keeps the church going, couples go along with it because it's tradition and they can ignore the religious stuff and true Christians probably get a bit annoyed but accept it?

OP posts:

LiberalLibertine · 13/02/2014 08:40

Ok, so if you make the churches accessible only for those that follow the good made up book, they wouldn't last 5 minutes.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts · 13/02/2014 08:41

The church is the heart of many communities. Long after the post office, the school, the shops and the bus route has gone the church keeps on going. It may be running on a shoestring sharing its vicar with 5-10 other churches and with the roof repaired by the small faithful congregation but it keeps going. Unless it is in the conservative evangelical tradition it will baptise the babies of anyone who comes along and asks for it. Weddings and funerals are conducted without a faith test but even that isn't enough. The atheists faith position is such that even this is too much and now the church has to abandon the words of the marriage/baptism/funeral services which are set nationally after much thought and consideration because members of another faith who live in rural communities in a Christian country don't like it. YABU.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 13/02/2014 08:41

The vicar who married us knew I didn't believe in god. No lies here, thank you.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 13/02/2014 08:42

Should we also refuse to sing the national anthem?

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 08:43

Don't get me started on that!!

God save the Queen.

It's not really got anything to do with the UK.

So I do not sing the National Anthem.

OP posts:

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 08:45

And that annoys me that I can't because I love my country but I do not think asking God to save the Queen and to ask him to let her reign over us is what I really want.

OP posts:

MaidOfStars · 13/02/2014 08:56

DH's parents told us that they would not have recognised our marriage if we didn't marry in church

To reference another thread going on (Chat), my response would be: I'm sorry you feel that way.

You've reminded me...I meant to mention similar in my original post. Only one thing more annoying than non-believers getting married in a church - non-believers getting married in a church then telling you that your wedding isn't a 'proper' wedding because it's not in a church....

MaidOfStars · 13/02/2014 08:57

I don't sing the National Anthem.

msrisotto · 13/02/2014 09:03

I'm an atheist that got married in a church. Cultural christian - went to a church school, sang hymns every week, went to services etc etc. Christianity is well embedded into my culture.

My wedding included the important legal bit, the songs from my childhood, the words and tone of every service i've attended. I don't feel like a hypocrite for not believing in god, and even if you do - what's so wrong with that? Who does it hurt? Everyone I know, knows I don't believe in god so me partaking in a ceremony that proclaims that I do, is just part of the tradition, nothing more.

struggling100 · 13/02/2014 09:06

I am an atheist and would never dream of having a church wedding, baptism, etc. I think people who know that they don't believe, but just want a wedding in a nice venue, are being a bit hypocritical.

However, I think for a lot of people faith is not measurable by whether you attend church. My grandfather's funeral was this week. He never went to services and wasn't visibly religious in any way. I imagine he had a bible around the house somewhere, but I never saw it. However, when the census came round he was adamant that he should be registered as Christian. He wanted a Christian funeral also, which we gave him. I guess he believed at some level, even if he didn't 'worship' in the conventional ways at a church.

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 09:08

Mum, mum you got married in a church, didn't you?

Yes

But you don't believe in God?

But you took part in a religious service because it's a tradition but you didn't believe in the stuff the Vicar was saying?

Yes

So aren't you teaching me it's ok to go along with something you don't believe in because it's tradition?

OP posts:

msrisotto · 13/02/2014 09:13

You should probably duck out of christmas too OP. Too hypocritical. Teaching your kids bad morals.

Dontbugmemalone · 13/02/2014 09:16

I am an atheist and got married in church as well as having my DC baptised. I did this because DH and his family are catholic and it's their tradition. In my case, it was about compromise.

It's hard to know the whole situation.

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 09:19

We do Christmas without Christ. Much easier.

But yes - I'm as much a hypocrite. DS is in Cubs. He took the Cub promise despite not believing in God or wanting to be loyal to the Queen. But it ticked the box and got him in to a part of the community.

I'm sure if we lived in a village and there was only a church school, we'd do what it takes to get him in - and if that means lying about beliefs, so be it. I am sure we would not be the first to do that.

But that makes me sad. So many important things at the heart of a community. The Church builiding, Cubs a Church school. But you have to pretend / go with the flow to access them.

OP posts:

DipMeInChocolate · 13/02/2014 09:21

I agree wholeheartedly. As an atheist, who has been baptised by non church attending parents. I wanted a non dom wedding but the reverend managed to sneak in Jesus at some point. We weren't married in church though. I couldn't do that. I am however a hypocritical godparent. It meant a lot to my friend so I agreed, she knows my views though. I felt the font bubble as I got close...

ZingSweetApple · 13/02/2014 09:21

Holly

we always have to go along with things we don't believe in, mostly because we have no choice.

there have been many changes I utterly hate but they are now "new traditions" so I have to get along with and "accept" them.

well I don't accept them.
despite my strong beliefs and feelings I can not express how I truly feel about a lot of things, so I don't try to pretend, I just take part in certain conversations, there's no point.

there are much worse things people could do than getting married in church.
yes it seems hypocritical if people don't believe, but you can't control what people do so why get annoyed?

ZingSweetApple · 13/02/2014 09:22

I just don't* take part....

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 09:28

It's just something to talk about on AIBU. It came from another thread and the aim was to start a discussion. And to make people think.

If people didn't post things on AIBU, it would be very quiet.

OP posts:

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 09:32

And if only discussed things that really annoyed me, it would be a short (ish) list.

Michael Gove
The Monarchy
Religion in schools.
Religion in society and the Establishment
The Conservative Party
Michael Gove
People who don't care about feminism
Bigots

Probably some more I could add.

OP posts:

ZingSweetApple · 13/02/2014 09:34

ok then, enjoy your fuming.

Original poster

HollyMiamiFLA · 13/02/2014 09:39

This is not fuming. Get me on a Gove thread and that's fuming

OP posts:

hackmum · 13/02/2014 09:48

Well, Holly, the list of things that annoy you is remarkably similar to my list.

But I can't get exercised about non-believers who get married in church. If that's their thing, and the church is willing to go along with it, that's up to them. I find it puzzling, but I realise that not everyone has the same kind of strong views I do about stuff. Over the years, the thing that has puzzled me the most is the atheist person married to a Catholic, who goes along with the church's insistence that the children be brought up Catholic. That would be a step too far for me. But then again, I do have stronger views than most!

ZingSweetApple · 13/02/2014 09:48

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 13/02/2014 10:08

I couldn't give a shit tbh. I don't believe at all. Only one parent does. I was christened and it doesn't mean anything. I had water put on my head then family had a party.

That's what they are. A chance to celebrate.

I cant get worked up about where people want to marry or how much they believe.

TamerB · 13/02/2014 10:28

On a scale of 1-10 of things to get worked up about this one doesn't even register with me!

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