AIBU to think that if there is any doubt in your mind...

[PointyDogs]

...then it is only polite to assume the woman with the toddler is the mother and not the grandmother!!!! I am 42, DD is 20 months. No, I honestly don't look a lot older!! I know that there are plenty of grandmothers the same age as me, but there are loads of older mothers around too. If in doubt, please be nice and assume I am the mother, or just say nothing at all!! It often seems to be the older generation (60+), who look at me questioningly "Is she your granddaughter?" or "Spending time with your...[querying look]...grandchild?"

And breathe...

There is that awkward, plausible overlap of age. DH is within a year of being the same age at DS2's birth as my grandparents were when I was born. Our DCs' great grandma is a few years younger than their granny as my family pack in tight age gaps, and his family start late.

Safest not to say anything. If it's a regular baby group, you'll pick something up in context.

YANBU. My mum is 36 and when out with DS for the day was given a penny (local tradition) and complimented on 'her son'. She was very pleased about that - if in doubt, go for the younger option.

I'm British but live in the US (East Coast). So many women in the city I live in have babies in their late 40s, often with an older husband, often using IVF (my friend is 48 and just had twins via IVF, delivered yesterday). Being mid-30s, but young looking, people often think I'm my children's nanny/babysitter. You can't win...

I get annoyed when I am out with my grandson and they think I am the mum. He is two and I am 45 and I haven't aged well you will always meet people in life that are rude.

If I am not sure I say nothing.

I can't believe MNHQ deleted my comment because I used the word "bitch"

Which shrinking violet reported that?

They didn't delete it because you used the word bitch. They deleted it because you called two people bitches. No need for personal attacks just because you don't agree with someone. It's not about the word but how you used it.

Kezzy when my DSis was about 6 my mum was asked "So how long have you had her?" assuming that she simply must be adopted. How else could somebody possibly have a child that looks a different race to them?

An older mother on another forum I'm on was mistaken for her baby's grandmother. She was breastfeeding the baby at the time!

my mum frequently gets asked if she's my DS1's (4) mum. She is 53 and looks younger. My friend who is 47 gets asked if she is her DD's granny all the time, but love her she does look a bit old for her age. both find it horrifying for their own reasons but not enough to do anything other than laugh it off and forget about it.

people make assumptions all the time, I get asked a lot if I'm a childminder as I have very different looking g/b DTs and DS. they then look horrified at the notion when I say they are twins (I've even had people accuse me of lying about this!!)

shrug and move on, life is too short.

My mum was 43 when dd1 was born, and she used to let people think she was the mum on purpose. Even when we were out together. Was a bit irritating!

I would always assume the lady with the toddler is the mother.

this confusion over who is the parent/grandparent/sibling doesn't stop when you get older. My elder sister accompanied me to an antenatal appointment because my dh wasn't able to come. I was 35 at the time and she was around 50. The midwife very kindly went and got a seat and a cup of tea 'for granny' because we had a long wait. I haven't let her forget it

Some people just don't think before they speak, do they?!

There is a woman at my dd's school (her ds is in dd's class, I think you call it reception in the UK?)

Anyway, her ds is just gone 5, she's 52. She gets it A LOT. It still mortally offends her but tbh I can see the mistake. She looks older than her age.

She's also a horrible person so I admit to a little smirk when I hear it said. If she was nice though, I'd feel sorry for her!

I'm sure you ladies who have experienced it are nice. Therefore, you have my sympathies!

Treaclesoda - when I was 22 and pregnant we went to the opticians and my bil whowas 13 months younger than me was asked 'would your dm like a seat'!!!!!

cjel, you win, that's worse!

It reminds me of Hollywood where you'll have a male character in a film, and their mother will be played by an actress who is the same age as them

On reflection, you know, sometimes people are just a bit ditzy about this kind of thing. Having said I've been mistaken for DS2's granny in the past, I was even more flabbergasted at an in-laws' family reunion function when several people assumed quite separately that I was married to DS1, who was presumably cast as the father of DS2, who is only 8 years younger than his brother. Incest implications being tossed lightly aside, I didn't really mind if some dozy old buggers thought I might be married to a 17-year-old, but DS1 wasn't overly chuffed.

When I was shopping with my SIL for bridesmaids dresses I was mistaken for her mum. I still get upset about it. There's only 5 years between us.

Pigletin - thanks for confirming it was you

Sulking - anytime

My mum was about 43 when she had me, and my sister is 18 years older than I, so when we all went out it was common for people to assume my sister was my mum and my mum my nan. The amount of times I'd have shop assistants say to me 'are you going to carry this for your nan' etc. I'd find it hilarious. My mum less so.
I always assume 'mum' now and wait to be corrected if not. It's simpler.

I heard of a mother and daughter giving birth a few days apart. Can just imagine the assumptions made about them and their DCs.

To be fair, people over sixty were raised in an era where most people were finished with child bearing by the age of 25ish. Having your first child in your forties is a relatively recent thing.

A 52 year old with a five year old child would make anyone's head turn, walter. Wow!

Molly don't know anyone who was a grandmother at 47. I do know people who became mothers after 45.

My gran (great gran to DS) is 53 and has been asked if DS was her son- she looks about 45 or so, not unreasonable to think it possible.