AIBU to think that if there is any doubt in your mind...

[PointyDogs]

...then it is only polite to assume the woman with the toddler is the mother and not the grandmother!!!! I am 42, DD is 20 months. No, I honestly don't look a lot older!! I know that there are plenty of grandmothers the same age as me, but there are loads of older mothers around too. If in doubt, please be nice and assume I am the mother, or just say nothing at all!! It often seems to be the older generation (60+), who look at me questioningly "Is she your granddaughter?" or "Spending time with your...[querying look]...grandchild?"

And breathe...

[Elderberri]

I am in forties with younger child, Tbh we are in the grandma zone, if I hAd my older son the same as my mum had me he would be 26.

No point getting offended.

What about people who are our age who are grandmas, sorry but as I older mother I know I need to suck it up and not get offended.

[HauntedNoddyCar]

Caitlin my nan was 46 when I was born. I know two younger mothers whose mothers were younger than me when our dc were born!

TheNight - apologies for appearing to blank your comment last night. I'd gone to bed. 'Tis my age :) I did talk to the younger mums at baby group. Quite good friends with some of them.

[SPsMrLoverManSHABBA]

My stepdad is 55 and has never been mistaken for been his 4 and nearly 3 year olds grandad. He doesn't look his age though

[BrawToken]

My colleague at work was a granny at 36, my best pal is 41 and expecting her first. People will assume according to their own experience, it's what we humans do!

[StarSwirl92]

YANBU my Dad was told it was so nice to see grandparents involved by health visitors when I was born and 6 years later for my brother. He was only in his 30s bless him.

[MrsCosmopilite]

I think if you're going to make assumptions use this guideline...

If the female accompanying the child looks under or up to 30 say 'big sister'. If the female accompanying the child looks over 30 say mum. If the female accompanying the child looks over 90, say nanny.

If there is a male with the child, use the same rules.

If there are two females/males with the child, don't make ANY assumptions!

[takingthathometomomma]

MrsCosmo if the female looks under 30, please do not say "big sister". I don't care that I'm 17 years older than my daughter, I am her mother and people shouldn't be making any assumptions.

[Jinsei]

To be fair, people over sixty were raised in an era where most people were finished with child bearing by the age of 25ish.

Really? My mum is in her seventies and had her first child at 27. It wasn't considered unusual at the time, most of her contemporaries had their children at around the same time. Perhaps they were different as they had been to university first, but they certainly didn't regard themselves as being particularly old!

My mum's mum was 29 when she had her first, and my dad's mum had her first at 38. She was 46 by the time he came along, and that was back in the 1930s!

[MrsCosmopilite]

taking that - didn't mean to offend, I was thinking 'big picture' and the approach that was least likely to cause upset. But this is the problem entirely, it's fine that there are younger mothers, it's fine that there are older mothers. But older mothers don't want to be assumed to be grandmothers. Younger mothers want to be acknowledged as mothers, but the whole mentioning kinship to a child is treading on thin ice.

My mum was an older parent when she had me and my sibling, and I always felt awful explaining to other kids that she was my mum, not my gran. If someone thought I was DD's sister (extremely unlikely), I'd be quite flattered.

BTW my MIL is in her 70's. She had her first child at 25, her second at 27 and her youngest at 31. My Grandmother had both her children before she was 30. I've seen family history information which indicates that a Gt-Gt Aunt had twins when she was 48, and that was in the 1890's.

[magoria]

My sister was 40 last year and is a grandmother 6 times already!

[AwfulMaureen]

Yanbu! How rude! My friend is 51 and has a ten year old. some stupid shop assistant said "Oh shopping with Granny are you?" in front of my friend!

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

My mum was 36 when ds1 was born and my gran was 53

[RevoltingPeasant]

at this idea that back in t'dark ages when those currently in their 60s were reproducing it was odd to have children after 35!!

My mum had her first baby at 30 and her last at 40. She is now 65. It was absolutely normal.

I personally have never met a grandma under 55 but I know they exist and wouldn't be flummoxed by one....

[MrsCosmopilite]

I was at school with someone who left at 14 to have a baby. She was going to come back a year later to resume her education but got pregnant again. Her eldest would now be 30/31.

[jacks365]

My dd2 gets embarrassed and doesn't know how to deal with it when people assume dd4 is her daughter when she takes her out. It's actually very difficult to correct people sometimes. Dd2 is 18 and has a friend with a child older than dd4. I'm another one whose mother and grandmother had children in their 30's. My grandmother would be 106 if still living she was over 60 before I was born.

[storynanny]

However I was extremely pleased last year when out with my 3 year old grandson, when the lady at the till said "aren't you being a good boy for mummy" I am 57.

[pantsjustpants]

I was 38 when I became a grandmother for the first time, now have three gorgeous grandchildren, and 41 when I had ds (dc4). That confuses people!

I have to say, I love having all the kids around. It's brilliant, and I'm past caring what people think.

Incidentally, my grandson has Downs Syndrome. My son and dil were 20 when they had him. I've had some particularly hurtful comments from people about how it should have been me having "the DS baby"..... Idiots.

[pantsjustpants]

I was 38 when I became a grandmother for the first time, now have three gorgeous grandchildren, and 41 when I had ds (dc4). That confuses people!

I have to say, I love having all the kids around. It's brilliant, and I'm past caring what people think.

Incidentally, my grandson has Downs Syndrome. My son and dil were 20 when they had him. I've had some particularly hurtful comments from people about how it should have been me having "the DS baby"..... Idiots.

[pantsjustpants]

I was 38 when I became a grandmother for the first time, now have three gorgeous grandchildren, and 41 when I had ds (dc4). That confuses people!

I have to say, I love having all the kids around. It's brilliant, and I'm past caring what people think.

Incidentally, my grandson has Downs Syndrome. My son and dil were 20 when they had him. I've had some particularly hurtful comments from people about how it should have been me having "the DS baby"..... Idiots.

[pantsjustpants]

I was 38 when I became a grandmother for the first time, now have three gorgeous grandchildren, and 41 when I had ds (dc4). That confuses people!

I have to say, I love having all the kids around. It's brilliant, and I'm past caring what people think.

Incidentally, my grandson has Downs Syndrome. My son and dil were 20 when they had him. I've had some particularly hurtful comments from people about how it should have been me having "the DS baby"..... Idiots.

[pantsjustpants]

I was 38 when I became a grandmother for the first time, now have three gorgeous grandchildren, and 41 when I had ds (dc4). That confuses people!

I have to say, I love having all the kids around. It's brilliant, and I'm past caring what people think.

Incidentally, my grandson has Downs Syndrome. My son and dil were 20 when they had him. I've had some particularly hurtful comments from people about how it should have been me having "the DS baby"..... Idiots.

[MoominsYonisAreScary]

Pants, thats an awful thing for people to say. Some people are arseholes.

When ds3 was born ds1 wad the same age as I was when I had him (16)

[Airwalk79]

If my mum takes my two out people assume she's their mum. If my dads there everyone says grandkids. She likes taking them out on her own! :-)