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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask should smacking children be banned.

466 replies

HadABadDay2014 · 11/02/2014 18:48

Just seen this on the welsh news.

I am not perfect and once I have smacked ds felt awful and never did it again.

Now I know if this was a patient at work or a member of the public I would had been arrested and highly likely ended up with a criminal record and lost my job.

So the question is should snaking children be banned.

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 08/03/2015 19:20

Odd how I do seem to have a good relationship with my daughters despite it

They're probably decent people, and your parenting was obviously more than chastisement. I think you must be right, that you have a good relationship with your daughters, despite it.

I have a very close and loving relationship with my mother. However, she was wrong to hit me and my sisters. She has the wisdom and strength to regret it now, and I admire her for that.

larrygrylls Crap. No parent thinks their kids are 'little angels' but most, thank God, don't hit them. To hit a small, defenceless child is weak and bullying. To try to defend it is fucking moronic.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/03/2015 19:30

I think a parent should have the right to hit lightly on a child's clothed bottom or on the back of their hand with an open hand. It's not the best parenting method but I don't think it should be illegal. What good does it do for children to criminalise parents for a light smack?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 08/03/2015 19:35

I also agree that conflating a light smack for mild punishment is not the same as abuse and undermines when children do need protection from abuse.

hopingforamiracle · 08/03/2015 19:46

The people on this thread who are totally against smacking are probably the ones with feral children running around Tesco's being disrespectful and loud. No doubt their kids will be the ones with behavioural problems and become the all too common disrespectful teens who think the world owes them a living.

That being said, there is a huge difference in smacking to battering your child, which is wrong, versus giving them a quick, sharp smack on the hand/arm/backside to alert them into modifying their behaviour. Chatting and explaining to children doesn't work, they just won't get why they can't run around a shop, you can explain until you are blue in the face. However a smack is very effective when used sparingly.

When you take the control away from parents who choose to discipline their children by smacking, you give the government even more control over it's citizens, and we all know where that will lead.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 08/03/2015 19:47

There is a really bizarre idea on mn that children are innocent Angels who should only ever be disciplined by chatting

Oh FFS Hmm

Cantbelievethisishappening · 08/03/2015 19:52

The people on this thread who are totally against smacking are probably the ones with feral children running around Tesco's being disrespectful and loud. No doubt their kids will be the ones with behavioural problems and become the all too common disrespectful teens who think the world owes them a living.

Er..... hang on....let me check.... nope....mine aren't....neither are my nieces and nephews and funnily enough, neither are the kids of friends who also refrain from hitting their kids.

Perhaps find another barrel to scrape and post something aside from that pile of predictable crap that is always spouted in the whole smacking v. not smacking debate

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 08/03/2015 19:57

The people on this thread who are totally against smacking are probably the ones with feral children running around Tesco's being disrespectful and loud. No doubt their kids will be the ones with behavioural problems and become the all too common disrespectful teens who think the world owes them a living

Wow. Nothing gets past you, does it, hoping? You're really pretty smart and have got it all worked out.

Okay everyone, we've been outed. Grab your feral monsters and get your coats. Grin

larrygrylls · 08/03/2015 20:01

As opposed to the ludicrously smug anti smacking advocates with their impassioned pleas. But where is the evidence? Oh, hang on a minute, there is none. Except the odd study which did not distinguish an occasional tap on the back of the hand with being beaten with a belt.

Why is this generation of parents so smug that we are doing it better than our parents? Oh yes, the perfect behaviour of today's youth, the empty jails....

Cantbelievethisishappening · 08/03/2015 20:20

Larry I had no idea that not hitting a child equates to being 'smug'. Hmm

I work with kids with behavioural issues.... every single one of them has been hit by a parent, some more than others. None of them can get through the school day without getting into trouble.

You do not sound like someone who has really given this much thought aside from the usual knee jerk references to out of control children/adults.

GoldenBeagle · 08/03/2015 20:30

Why has this zombie thread been resurrected?
By a first time poster talking of smacking her toddler on her bare bottom?

PeppermintCrayon · 08/03/2015 20:30

It is pretty creepy isn't it GoldenBeagle...

manicinsomniac · 08/03/2015 20:59

I think hitting a child is always 100% wrong. But I don't think I think it should be illegal. Many (the majority?) of parents have lost control and hit their child once. Most punish themselves hugely by how shit they feel about it for so long afterwards. What would we be hoping to achieve? If a parent commits a crime against their child the logical step would be to put the child in care - which, obviously, would be completely inappropriate and wrong.

I also think it's wrong to shout at or swear at a child. Or lock them in places. Or demean them. But should we make all that illegal too? I don't think occasional smacking is worse than these things. As an adult I cry if someone shouts at me (I'm not upset, I think it's shock, I don't know - I can't control it). Obviously I don't get shouted at often but when I do it always makes me wonder - 'is this how it feels for children? How awful!'

FreudiansSlipper · 08/03/2015 21:04

yes

smacking in anger is no less worse than smacking when you are not angry it is still a violent action

Topseyt · 08/03/2015 21:25

Firstwe of course they are decent people. So am I for your information. I daresay so is everyone on this thread. We have differing views.

I have not exactly made a habit of smacking. Maybe a couple of times in 20 years. Hardly a regular occurrence. I preferred to send them to their rooms if it was an option and leave things to simmer down, which was what happened 99.99% of the time.

Oddly enough, I have been less pro-smacking since having my own children than before. I still wouldn't favour a ban though for reasons already given. I don't like State intrusion into my life any more than strictly necessary and honestly cannot be arsed with yet another set of government guidelines. There are too many already.

TinyTearsFirstLove · 08/03/2015 21:32

No, I think it should be up to the parents. U don't smack my children but I think other parents can discipline as they see fit, as long as it's not leaving a mark like a bruise.

IreneA78 · 08/03/2015 21:42

bringing a new partner and stepsiblings into a child's home can be way more painful and damaging to a child than an occasional slapped bottom.Maybe we should outlaw this first?

Rjae · 08/03/2015 21:52

I think its silly to say you have a blanket ban on smacking, shouting at a child or anything within reason. A child is far more damaged by neglect than the odd (as in once in 6 months) smack which doesn't mark but does shock the child and makes them think twice next time.

DS is 2 and we have a no smacking policy. He is generally a lovely gentle little boy but some kind of demon comes out with DD (5) who is severely disabled. Despite the fact she is at school most of the day and he is far from neglected he will smack her, kick if she is on the floor and yesterday I lost it and slapped him on the leg when he took a wooden push along toy and hit her in the face with it.

We try to police this of course but I cant watch DS all the time. We do the naughty corner, and stern talking to and even shout at him but so far its not working.

My fear is DD will come to think its normal for people to hit her and when the time comes and she is at the mercy of strangers she will accept poor treatment because her parents 'allowed' it.

So how do I square that circle? I return to my 'no smacking policy' with DS at the expense of DD who now has a 'being smacked' policy?

Its not black and white and its very irritating to have so many people judging you for being in an impossible situation.

workhouse · 08/03/2015 21:54

The people on this thread who are totally against smacking are probably the ones with feral children running around Tesco's being disrespectful and loud. No doubt their kids will be the ones with behavioural problems and become the all too common disrespectful teens who think the world owes them a living.

FGS why do people not get that there are other options open to parents who don't hit than explaining sweetly. I was, and am quite a strict parent, a bit shouty occasionally and prone to confiscating things. There are lots of ways to discipline children without hitting them.

It's not smacking or tapping, it's hitting.

FreudiansSlipper · 08/03/2015 22:05

really you need to use violence to teach a child how to behave and show respect to others Hmm

the best teaching you can give is lead by example

Viviennemary · 08/03/2015 22:07

I did smack mine occasionally. No wonder two and three year olds are ruling the roost these days and parents are at their wits end. I don't think smacking should be banned.

perpetua72 · 08/03/2015 22:08

It is absolutely no co-incidence that the APPALLING decline in behaviour in older children in this country coincided with the removal of the cane etc from schools. None whatsoever. Whoever had heard of ASBOs back then? Were kids being stabbed on their bikes? Were kids taking knives into school? No, they were not. And it's all because they know damn well the teachers can't touch them.

Bring it back.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 08/03/2015 22:35

It is absolutely no co-incidence that the APPALLING decline in behaviour in older children in this country coincided with the removal of the cane etc from schools

Ha ha ha ha ha.... priceless Grin
Of course it has nothing at all to do with parenting does it.

In other news, 1800's throwback wants to see the ritual beating of children in school brought back to save society.

Samcro · 08/03/2015 22:38

lets ban grounding too

peutetre · 08/03/2015 23:59

Yes Samcro lets just let children be creative & just do whatever they want! Charge any parent who disagrees with abuse.

The UK could teach the rest of the world a thing or two about how to parent, all these failing schools we have here are probably rammed full of kids who were smacked, hence the lack of discipline & manners.

demystified · 09/03/2015 08:05

I would ban it, sets a terrible example in my opinion.

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