Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To merge our valentines meal with DS's birthday?

43 replies

RabbitOnAHorse · 11/02/2014 12:42

On Friday (Valentines day) DP and I had arranged to go for a meal. It's a special day for us as we are "officially" getting engaged and it's the night I'm getting my ring so it will be the first time I wear it etc.

It's also DS's 13th birthday - I had arranged to take him and his friend to a local indoor skate park, pick them up on our way home from the meal and have the friend stay here for the night with cake and takeaway.

All good. Everyone happy.

Only now, DS's friend has cancelled on him so if me and dp carry on with our plans anyway it means DS will be sat at home on his own on his 13th birthday Sad I just can't do it! Feel too guilty. DP however is not keen on the kids coming for the meal with us as it's valentines day and our engagement meal.

AIBU to want to merge valentines meal with ds's birthday so everyone gets to celebrate?

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/02/2014 12:43

Yes YABU. Get another friend to go out with your son or let his dad do something for him.

ImAlpharius · 11/02/2014 12:44

I would do ds's birthday and get engaged officially another day.

SarahAndFuck · 11/02/2014 12:44

DP isn't DS's Dad is he?

Original poster
RabbitOnAHorse · 11/02/2014 12:46

No DS is not DP's son. His own father is a bit useless - he's sent him a card with £20 in it and that's all the celebrating he'll be getting off his father. It's akward because Saturday night we have DP's kids so we can't go out then and on Monday he's going away for a week with work so Friday was the only night we had for the engagement

OP posts:
firesidechat · 11/02/2014 12:47

I'm probably going to be a lone voice here, but to me Valentine's Day is just a date in the calendar.

I would do something with your son to celebrate his birthday and have a romantic meal on the Saturday instead. Much more romantic to have a special meal on a day when every man and his dog isn't doing the same thing.

But I'm an old married, so may be missing the point spectacularly.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/02/2014 12:48

Surely your son has more than one friend he can ask?

AwfulMaureen · 11/02/2014 12:48

It's DS birthday...that can't be moved. Move your engagement to Saturday. Easy. You can't have both...

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/02/2014 12:49

What about Sunday night then?

Either way, I wouldn't take my son with me, no, so I can understand your partners reluctance.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 11/02/2014 12:50

YWBU to leave your son home alone on his 13th....becoming a teenager is a big deal to them and let's face it, Velentines day is a load of nonsense.

Just get engaged the day after - your son can't turn 13 the day after can he!

firesidechat · 11/02/2014 12:50

Maybe the Thursday then.

I can't even remember which date I got engaged on and once your married it's the wedding anniversary that you will be celebrating.

HighBrows · 11/02/2014 12:50

I'd put my kids first, you can get engaged anytime you can't and shouldn't move your sons's birthday.

Original poster
RabbitOnAHorse · 11/02/2014 12:50

DS has behavior issues and as a consequence - he tends to make "the wrong type of friend". This particular lad was the only trustworthy enough lad that he's close enough to.

OP posts:
AwfulMaureen · 11/02/2014 12:51

Smug "Surely" nothing. Not ALL 13 year olds have loads of mates. Hmm

Thetallesttower · 11/02/2014 12:51

You have to offer to celebrate your son's birthday even if he then gets a better offer!

It sounds like your son was in the programme anyway, what with dropping him off, friend staying over. It is only a 2 hour meal.

It's not very nice if your son misses out but you can't then cancel his children on Sat- basically you have to start as you mean to go on and keep the evenings with both sets of children.

Your son may have an ingenious plan, see what he says but don't make him feel unwanted- that will set the wrong tone to the engagement entirely.

AwfulMaureen · 11/02/2014 12:51

Agree OP that it's the wedding that matters. Go out all together and you have 2 reasons to celebrate then. I think that sounds lovely.

sugarandspite · 11/02/2014 12:52

Given that your DS is at an age that can be sensitive and this is a key milestone point for your whole family, I would think very carefully about the messages that your choice will send out to your DS.

I'd also be extremely disappointed in my DH if he didn't recognise this and immediately prioritise DS's birthday over what is tbh a bit of a daft made up thing and a dinner out.

HighBrows · 11/02/2014 12:53

That's it exactly sugarandspice.

squeakytoy · 11/02/2014 12:54

Your sons birthday should take priority.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 11/02/2014 12:54

"Smug "Surely" nothing. Not ALL 13 year olds have loads of mates"

I'm not talking about having loads of mates. Just 2 or 3.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 11/02/2014 12:55

Your DS can't help when his birthday is, but you can choose when to formally and publically celebrate your romance. I recommend you choose a date well away from any DCs birthdays as yiu will just get the same thing every year otherwise. (We have one DC's birthday almost on our wedding anniversary and one almost on Valentine's day, and we put the DC's birthdays first and celebrate a different romantic anniversary instead.)

FoxyBecky · 11/02/2014 12:56

I would put your sons birthday first.

firesidechat · 11/02/2014 12:57

I'm all for romantic meals and it would always be my first choice for a date. My husband proposed after just such a meal, but it can happen on any day. Mine was mid week for no particular reason.

Valentine's Day is just such a man made cliché. It's the least romantic day for me, but I appreciate that others feel differently.

Xmasbaby11 · 11/02/2014 12:59

Son's birthday. Do the romantic meal another night. It will be much nicer out than on Valentine's Day anyway.

MinesAPintOfTea · 11/02/2014 12:59

Your son is going to have a lifetime of his mates wanting to wine and dine their partners rather than go out for his birthday, surely he can expect his DM to not do that?

Get engaged on another date ignores ludicrousy of planning a date on which to promise to marry each other

johnworf · 11/02/2014 13:08

Can't you combine the two things? If your prospective fiance doesn't like it then tough. He's going to have to share you with your DS all the time now you're officially together.

And, it's the year your DS becomes a teenager. Almost special birthday Smile