To merge our valentines meal with DS's birthday?

[RabbitOnAHorse]

On Friday (Valentines day) DP and I had arranged to go for a meal. It's a special day for us as we are "officially" getting engaged and it's the night I'm getting my ring so it will be the first time I wear it etc.

It's also DS's 13th birthday - I had arranged to take him and his friend to a local indoor skate park, pick them up on our way home from the meal and have the friend stay here for the night with cake and takeaway.

All good. Everyone happy.

Only now, DS's friend has cancelled on him so if me and dp carry on with our plans anyway it means DS will be sat at home on his own on his 13th birthday I just can't do it! Feel too guilty. DP however is not keen on the kids coming for the meal with us as it's valentines day and our engagement meal.

AIBU to want to merge valentines meal with ds's birthday so everyone gets to celebrate?

DDs birthday is close to valentines day and combined family meals out are quite normal here as we don't have any baby sitting.

Your whole engagement idea sounds all planned out and guess not that much of a surprise. Your DS should come first. His bday can't be moved.

You can gave a meal to celebrate your engagement any time, I really don't get this "planning to get engaged thing" at all.

Smug well if he DID the OP would not have come on to ask would she? It's bloody obvious! There'd be no dilemma because she'd have said "Oh call X and ask him instead."

Or did you just want to be mean?

Birthday boy comes first imho - and please don't make him go with you and still get engaged - he'll be mortified!

Could you not have the engagement when all the kids are there - start of the whole new family together thing??

I agree with BobPat. DS comes first. I take it you're already engaged and this was just an official ring giving thing?

I agree with Bob, why not get engaged on the Saturday with all the dc there? Get a takeaway if you can't all go out.

I certainly wouldn't leave DS on his own on his birthday. If your Dp doesn't like it, then I'm afraid I'd be a bit worried about his commitment to a new "family". Kids do get in the way sometimes. Adults just have to suck it up I'm afraid.

Ok we've decided to go out for the meal together - it wasn't a particularly romantic place anyway so we'll celebrate DS's birthday there - DP and I will do the romance later on the night when we get home Thanks for the replies x

Cancel the engagement/valentines meal and do some thing with DS. You only have a few short years left where chances are DS will want to spend the day with you and not out with his mates/girlfriend. Make the most of them.

Your P and you have years ahead of you.

If your P has an issue with this consider what is more important.

X posts. Enjoy and congratulations.

If you've agreed to get married you are engaged!
Can't you and DH go out for lunch on Saturday?
Your Son's birthday is a real event, not an imagined one.

Would your partner but not wanting your son there it he was his son too?

I can understand he wants a romantic evening but tbh your kids come first on their birthday, surely?

So his father's a bit useless and it seems his mum and stepdad are also a bit useless if they are even considering a romantic meal out while he sits at home alone on his birthday.

Apparently you can't go out on the Saturday because you have DP's kids, but you CAN go out on Friday and leave the birthday boy at home because it's so important to you that you get to wear a piece of jewellery for the first time on this specific day.

That is just shit.

If you are serious about your relationship and the new family it will create then you should ALL go out on Saturday and celebrate your DS's birthday as a family.

Friday night is for your DS to choose to do something for him now that his friend has let him down. The 'engagement' can wait until next week when your DP gets back from his trip.

Is this a clever way for your DP to combine anniversary and valentines into one to save himself buying 2 lots of flowers in future?!

Friday should be about your DS, so pleased you are all going together.

Perhaps a nice celebration tea party on Saturday to celebrate your engagement would perhaps be best, after all your marriage will be about blending your families so start as you mean to go on.

Surely your sons birthday is more important than a ridiculous pretend getting engaged (surely if you've berm asked and agreed then you're engaged). You're the adult (supposedly) here. If you even have to play at getting engaged and wonder whether to put your sons birthday down the list then that's really awful.

fireside not the lone voice.

I wouldn't prioritise Valentine's Day over my child's birthday, not even if it is the occasion to also celebrate an engagement, and I'm glad the OP has decided not to.

Son's birthday. My own DS has a birthday then and it can be horrible when your special day is overshadowed by something that everyone else is celebrating.