To think if you've got somethng nasty to nasty about your step child you do not put it on facebook

[endlesstidying]

And to tell my friend she's in the wrong and to delete her status? Things are not easy for her at and the moment and her step son (15) is certainly not being easy but he's had an awful time too (can't say too much here)

Perhaps I shouldn't have got involved and perhaps I shouldn't have told her to delete it before he got back from school and saw it but given she's called him a "spoilt, selfish unthinking bstrd" AIBU or am I actually as she says an "interfering busy body who just wants to curtail her right to free speech". I told her that she was obviously really angry at the moment but she'd regret what she'd said later when she thought about it and it wouldn't help so it may be an idea to delete it before things got worse.

Its so sad all round :(

She hasn't deleted it.

I didn't say endless was wrong other than I don't think it's friendship ending.

I think there is loads more to this than meets eye.

It may be that there is. However, posting that on FB was wrong. I expect the friend realises that as she took it down, even if she lashed out due to feeling angry and unsupported.

If this family needs extra support then I hope they get it.

a cry for help - a person at breaking point - if that is what this was, is never wrong - it may result in the person concerned getting some much needed support

I did things like this - people who refused to believe how bad things were would criticise, but I was desperate - it backfired and I know (and usually knew as I typed) it was wrong, but I was so desperately unhappy and had nowhere (I felt) to turn.

I always deleted almost as soon as I hit post.

Then out of interest why post? If you knew it was wrong and deleted immediately why did you go ahead with posting?

Now I don't know - then I was sad, desperate, wanted some validation, someone to talk to - someone to believe me I guess.

For me at least, it didn't matter who I talked to - people who knew SS felt sorry for him, because of his mother, and I was too ashamed to talk to people who would have automatically believed me, work for example.

DH thought the sun shone out of his arse, so I couldn't talk to him, and it is an odd thing, being abused by what is effectively your own child, in your own home, on one hand you love them, no matter what they do - on the other, no one sees it for what it is, because it is written off as teen behaviour, sometimes I posted just for an argument, to take my frustration out.

Sad thing is everyone believes me now and I never mention him, not by name or by reference, he is blanked out of the pages of our life.

so I would think "F the lot of you I am going to say whatever I like" hit post, then decide not to lower myself and delete it - it was an outward sign of internal struggles if you like,.

That's so sad. Obviously don't know what happened but hopefully you have the support you need now.

If my supposed partner slagged my ds off on FB, i'd need to know.

Send him the screenshot, let HER own words tell him what he needs to know.

Keep her out of your life. She's not good people.

well a lot of people ate their words, a lot of people are in shock, no to support, we just get on with our lives as best as we can - but thank you

I just think sometimes, when people do stupid things, and yes posting on FB about your family is stupid, unless you are genuinely a horrible person, there may be a lot more to it than meets the eye, x

I think the fact that she's been moaning to her husband, but without saying everything, shows that she knows she's done wrong. Otherwise she'd admit to him what her annoyance with you actually is. Sounds like she moaned about you to him, wanting sympathy and put her foot in it because now he's asking what's up.

It's doubtful he is in the same mind as her regarding his son being slagged off otherwise the message would have been in defence of her 'X is very upset at the moment, I know you were just defending him but he really is being a shit at the moment.'

Honestly OP, I'd just email him and say that she put something on her status that you didn't agree with being there given that the person involved could have seen it. You may or may not chose to explain more but i would keep the screencap.

Oh dear. Good to sleep on it.

I would feel morally bound to share what she said with the father, but in a really open way. So not 'here's what your evil wife said!' but more of a 'I think tempers were running high and maybe she needs support but I did want to let her know that posting it on Facebook isn't a good way to deal with it no matter what he has done etc'

How awful, yes I got defriended too when I suggested to a friend that posting a video of her daughter having a tantrum with comments taking the mickey were probably not a good idea, got told to wind my neck in and got defriended.

As of yet I've not done anything. She however has sent me an email apologising, asking if we can still be friends and saying that having thought about it she realises I was only trying to protect her and SS not to make her miserable. Thankfully her SS did not see it.

So relieved I didn't want my friendship to end like this. We met in primary school so its been over 30 years. She and her step son and her husband have been through hell thanks to the actions of SS's so called mother. Just hope they can work it all out as a family now. She's talking about family counselling.

oh and she's deleted her post ranting about me!!

So she has reconsidered and realised it wasn't just you hoiking up judgy pants. That's good OP.

Good news

good news! do you think she saw this thread?