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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you've got somethng nasty to nasty about your step child you do not put it on facebook

118 replies

endlesstidying · 10/02/2014 16:43

And to tell my friend she's in the wrong and to delete her status? Things are not easy for her at and the moment and her step son (15) is certainly not being easy but he's had an awful time too (can't say too much here)

Perhaps I shouldn't have got involved and perhaps I shouldn't have told her to delete it before he got back from school and saw it but given she's called him a "spoilt, selfish unthinking bstrd" AIBU or am I actually as she says an "interfering busy body who just wants to curtail her right to free speech". I told her that she was obviously really angry at the moment but she'd regret what she'd said later when she thought about it and it wouldn't help so it may be an idea to delete it before things got worse.

Its so sad all round :(

She hasn't deleted it.

OP posts:

DrMaybe · 10/02/2014 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieLobeseder · 10/02/2014 20:10

The thing is, no matter what is going on at home, airing your dirty laundry and ranting about people on is never a good idea because it will come back to haunt you.

I am constantly amazed at people's lack of discretion on social media.

AmysTiara · 10/02/2014 20:10

Talk to a colleague, rant over a glass of wine with friends, moan to your own family - just don't put it all over facebook for the world and his wife to see. Not that hard.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:11

There are lots of things we shouldn't do - but everyone has their snapping point.

MollyHooper · 10/02/2014 20:12

She sounds like a typical drama queen.

First the message about her step son, then the message about you, THEN the e-mail from her husband.

Doe she often make up seem to be in crisis? People who use FB like then tend to be.

WeAreDetective · 10/02/2014 20:13

Endlessly, I completely think you did the right thing. Better to risk a friendship than stand by and let this post stand unchallenged.

dreamofwhitehorses · 10/02/2014 20:13

weekends you've obviously been through a lot but I don't think projecting massively about your own situation is going to help the OP. You should start your own thread if you need to talk it though.

OP,maybe you should try to explain that your not unsympathetic to your her situation, and are happy to offer as much support as she may need in private, but stand firm that facebook is not the appropriate place to deal with it.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:14

Do you now?? I'll post whever I like - especially if it challenges the WSM perceptions of some posters.

MollyHooper · 10/02/2014 20:17

This has nothing to do with step mothers.

It's about what people should and shouldn't post about children on FB, regardless of who they are.

AnnieLobeseder · 10/02/2014 20:17

Weekends, I agree with dreamofwhitehorses. Your situation does sound awful but you're projecting. You've made your point, it has been taken on board, but now you're just hijacking the thread.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:18

There are plenty of am comments on the thread

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:19

*sm

dreamofwhitehorses · 10/02/2014 20:21

weekends The original OP is about how to deal with challenging an inappropriate FB status, the step mother thing is a complete side issue, and I stand by the point that while you can post where you want it is bad form to derail a someone elses thread with your own agenda.

flippinada · 10/02/2014 20:22

Isn't it more to do with the fact that posting in the heat of the moment on a social networking site in this fashion is hugely irresponsible and could inflame an already volatile situation?

endless did the right thing and sounds like a good friend.

BridgetJonesPants25 · 10/02/2014 20:24

Weekends It sounds like you have had a hard time of it tbh. I appreciate that that is how you feel however you don't know that the OPs friends situation is similar to yours.

Molly I think you've nailed it on the head. I would never post anything bad about my DD on facebook apart from the time she called me old and I asked if anyone wanted her for Christmas

Certain things just shouldn't be put on FB and to me anything about kids and slagging off family/friends should be kept private. Just my opinion though.

MollyHooper · 10/02/2014 20:24

Yes, that's rather a better way of putting it flipp! :)

Littleen · 10/02/2014 20:25

Yes, send him the screenshot. She posted it on fb for "everyone" to see anyway! She sounds very charming eh. Pfff. What is she, 12? Regardless how her stepson behaves, there are better and more mature ways to handle it. Slagging him off on fb belongs in secondary school quite frankly.

It could well be that she struggles loads with him, and that his behaviour is horrendous beyond horrendous - that's hard to know. But the way she's handling it is not on at all, and I don't think yabu for telling her that either. Do talk to her husband, there is obviously major issues going on and it would benefit their family to get it sorted!

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:25

Would that be the agenda where I thought all the people slating the woman the OP was posting about was wrong

Agenda sort of indicates preplanned yes?? I can assure you I didn't plan anything I generally try not to talk about him and as Mich as possible mind bleach him from my brain - I just sort of ended up talking about him

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:29

Bridget neither do we know it's not - there are clearly massive issues going on that the OP knows more about

flippinada · 10/02/2014 20:30

This could be a mum posting about her child, a stepdad posting about his stepdaughter, an aunt posting about her nephew etc.

The relationship is not the issue. Posting about it on FB is.

People seem to forget that FB is public - it's not the same as letting off steam with your friends. Once you've said something and it's out there, you can't unsay it.

WeekendsAreHappyDays · 10/02/2014 20:31

I agree with that flip it was the instant vilification that got me.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 10/02/2014 20:34

Don't you dare say you shouldn't have got involved. I would tell the husband, you can do it in the way you intended the original message. But he needs to know.

LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 10/02/2014 20:35

Don't you dare say you shouldn't have got involved. I would tell the husband, you can do it in the way you intended the original message. But he needs to know.

MollyHooper · 10/02/2014 20:36

I can't think of any issues that justify going on FB and calling a 15 year old boy a spoilt, selfish, unthinking, bastard.

By all means ring a friend and vent, see a councilor but don't publish it for everyone you know to see, including the child.

Endless did the right thing.

flippinada · 10/02/2014 20:36

Well to be fair, I wouldn't think much of someone who posted comments like that on a public forum about a child they were caring for so I can understand why people reacted like they did.

I'm sure endless knows the people involved better than any of us and it sounds like she was acting from the best of motives.

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