To think if you've got somethng nasty to nasty about your step child you do not put it on facebook

[endlesstidying]

And to tell my friend she's in the wrong and to delete her status? Things are not easy for her at and the moment and her step son (15) is certainly not being easy but he's had an awful time too (can't say too much here)

Perhaps I shouldn't have got involved and perhaps I shouldn't have told her to delete it before he got back from school and saw it but given she's called him a "spoilt, selfish unthinking bstrd" AIBU or am I actually as she says an "interfering busy body who just wants to curtail her right to free speech". I told her that she was obviously really angry at the moment but she'd regret what she'd said later when she thought about it and it wouldn't help so it may be an idea to delete it before things got worse.

Its so sad all round :(

She hasn't deleted it.

You have absolutely no idea what she may be going through - my stepsonade my life a living hell and everyone felt sorry for him.

It turned put my life wasn't the only person whose life he was making hell. I actually hope he dies in a really painful and long drawn out accident - and I absolutely mean that.

Facebook rightly or wrongly was a massive source of support and venting for me.

You are supposed to be her friend and instead of helping or being a sounding board you have hoiked your judgey pants up.

She sounds at the end of her tether.

Ditto everyone else ^

It appears she doesn't have the decency to own up to her own DP. If it was my child i'd rather know, if only to mediate between my child and y partner and get to the root of the problem.

If she is at the end of her tether, then her DH needs to know and be able to support her.

Send it to him he probably already knows and no doubt he knows a lot more than you do.

Tell him.

He needs to know.

Weekends that is absolutely vile thing to wish on someone!

OP yanbu. If she needs to vent about anyone then at least give them the respect she would like if the situation was reversed and rant in private- on the phone to you or whoever. Not in public on facebook. Thats awful. And yes- show her dh- i would want to know if my partner had said that about my dcs!

Oh my god. How awful.

Sorry but Facebook is not a proper venue for venting about your stepson! That's completely bonkers.

Putting it on FB, whatever the son may or may not have done, is just wrong!

I don't know about sending the screen shot to the husband. As others say, he should know what she has posted. But on the other hand, sending it could be seen as stirring up the trouble more. Only a little better than her posting it in the first place.

I guess you have to decide what good would come out of sending it verses the damage it could do

I'd send the screenshot to the husband took with a simple not saying that you objected to her post and that's why you fell out.

I don't believe that step children who are still dependants can make the life of an adult a living hell, an adult can always leave, a child cannot.

Weekends just vouching for the other side here. It works both ways. Yes, fair enough, it's not always a "wicked step parent" that is the problem but in some cases (as it was in mine) it is. In this situation no one here knows.

Hopefully, no matter who is the "most vile" out of the parties involved here, the DP can use the information to sort it out :)

I'm sure there are horrible step-children. Posting about it on FB is perverse.

Horrible situation op - don't envy you one bit.

I think I'd try to be diplomatic and say she was venting on fb about dss and you didn't think what she'd posted was appropriate. You can send him a screen shot if he wants but it's probably best he asks her.

I'm sure she's not having a great time, but he's 15, he doesn't deserve to have to fight his corner with an adult, it's not a fair fight. If you end up friends again she needs to learn to behave like the adult. I always think the most successful step parents have similar boundaries to a teacher. She doesn't have to offer unconditional love but she does have to respect her position in her partners family and what that means.

Jesus weekends hope that doesn't come back to haunt you. what a terrible dreadful comment.

If anybody said that about my son on Facebook I would want to know about it and that person wouldn't be getting the opportunity to say it twice.

Tell him what happened. Tell him you can forward him a screen shot of her status and your comments if he wishes. He has asked, so he obviously wants to know and she's obviously given him half a story to make you look bad but not the real facts of the matter.

She is an idiot. You are well rid of her.

adults should not post vile things about children on FB. end of.

Sarah, that's a good way of approaching it. Tell the father what happened and that you can send him the screen shot if he wishes. He does have a right to know. Especially as others would have seen the post and he will need to be able to protect the son.

whether the boy is a right nasty PITA or not, weekends , he is a vulnerable child and it is not on for her as the responsible adult to rant like that on an internet forum like FB! Coming here for an anonymous rant/advice, would have been better - but with nicer language and less vitriol or she'd be called all sorts herself! Or she could have tried talking to her OH.

I agree with telling the OH - she sounds like one of the poisonous SMs we sometimes see on here wanting to delete their DPs other kids from their cosy new life together with their PBF. There are also some very lovely stepmums on here, I will add!

Send all the info to her husband with a simple one liner saying I thought she was out of order and told her so

I think you can kiss this friendship goodbye

Weekends did you not know this child before you married his father?

What I wish on him is not as vile as the things he did. You have absolutely no idea - I suggest before you judge you wonder exactly what someone has done to make someone else wish that on them - it doesn't take much imagination.

Amongst his more minor infringements we can catalogue domestic violence, with police involvement, leaving drugs around for my small children to play with, shittiing himself and not telling me and putting his clothes on top of the washing basket for me to put my hands in, joy riding and smashing car but telling me he had been in an accident so I collected him from scene, um there is more - however these are insignificant as to the worse things he did.

I guess I could have left, my home, that I had owned long before he came into my life, what I should have done is kicked him out instead of feeling sorry for him because his own mother rejected him.

crowler yes I knew him, ias much as we ever know anyone - I had known him since he was tiny - that was my undoing - I cared about him as a friend of his dads long before his father and I entered into a relationship.

I knew he was troubled but I also knew his life with his mother had been unstable and I thought with a stable home life, some love etc, he would be fine.

Instead he destroyed our lives.

Weekends he sounds very troubled. however was he 15 and would you have posted this in FB. that's the issue here.

weekends that does sound bad but did you both really try hard to compensate for his mum? did you get him counselling and love him unconditionally even when he was being awful?

No - but only because at that point in time I knew I wouldn't get any sympathy - I was already hearing I knew what I had let myself in for and also he wasn't that bad, it was his age, poor him his mother rejecting him and that was from my own family - like the poster here said - she didn't believe a child could make your life a living hell well I heard that all the time - for years and years.