To think if you've got somethng nasty to nasty about your step child you do not put it on facebook

[endlesstidying]

And to tell my friend she's in the wrong and to delete her status? Things are not easy for her at and the moment and her step son (15) is certainly not being easy but he's had an awful time too (can't say too much here)

Perhaps I shouldn't have got involved and perhaps I shouldn't have told her to delete it before he got back from school and saw it but given she's called him a "spoilt, selfish unthinking bstrd" AIBU or am I actually as she says an "interfering busy body who just wants to curtail her right to free speech". I told her that she was obviously really angry at the moment but she'd regret what she'd said later when she thought about it and it wouldn't help so it may be an idea to delete it before things got worse.

Its so sad all round :(

She hasn't deleted it.

and yes, this is not about feeling frustrated, angry, pissed off etc etc, it is about NOT posting that all over FB!

phantom yes I did - I put him and his needs first - over and above those of my own children - to my eternal regret - he refused counselling - but not from lack of trying from me and his dad.

I did EVERYTHING for him - emotionally and physically, I remortgage my house so he could have a huge bedroom, I went to school, to college - I did everything a mum did.

I did post on facebook but more subtly - when I finally did throw him out I posted a picture of a burned bridge

Weekends
What's your husband's view?

My husband is very saf that he is going to father his grandchildren and he like me bitterly regrets what came to pass.

DH has disowned him - he will never see him again - it's like being bereaved - except your memories have been stolen as well.

DH was his biggest supporter - he adored him - we all saw a troubled child instead of the evil he actually was. DH misses him dreadfully - but as SS has no shame or remorse this is life.

Children can be in situations that make life hell for the adults around them, but that doesn't mean it's the child who is at fault.

But I am talking about children, not people who are old enough to hold a driving licence.

He made out life hell when he was a child and he made it more hell as an adult and he wasn't old enough to have a license when he was joy riding I thought he was a passenger.

Are you really niave enough to think a 13 year old can't make an adults life hell because believe me you are wrong.

As for whose fault I blame his mother - but he was given every chance to make a better life.

And interestingly much like the OP in this thread no one believed me, everyone felt sorry for him - let me tell you they all believe me now.

I'm not certain it's important that people know/believe how bad your stepson is.

crowler it was important to ME because I and in hindsight DH were domestic abuse victims at the hands of our own son - I just wanted someone to believe me and help me and support me - because I was struggling to cope - you have no idea at all.

I didn't want people to know how bad he was I wanted someone to acknowledge how hard my life was - there is a difference.

When we disowned him it was on FB - for everyone to see.

Thank you need I feel sorry for the woman being described in the OP - she just sounds desparate to me.

If the OP is close enough to this woman for the husband to be contacting her I am assuming they are proper friends as opposed to real life friends - and so the lady who sounds clearly struggling is now struggling a litte more.

Are you really niave enough to think a 13 year old can't make an adults life hell because believe me you are wrong.

No, because I can remember going to great lengths to make life difficult for my step parent. But as he had secretly bullied me for years and had completely affected my life for the worse, it was to be expected of a stroppy teenager.

I'm not going to try and compare our situations because they are clearly not comparable, but I don't believe that happy stable people leave shit around the house for no reason other than to annoy a step parent. Children do things like this because they are mentally ill or because they are suffering some major trauma that they cannot adequately cope with, they don't do it just for a laugh because they are inherently evil.

Well, we don't know what the stepson has done, do we?

It could be beyond the pale, it could be he is just being a typical teen and if he's been through a tough time he may be acting out a bit more.

The point is, it shouldn't be on Facebook, ffs.

I didn't say that's what made him evil - I said that was a minor infringement compared to what I haven't said.

I know why he did what he did - his mother - but not me and not DH we loved him.

He was too damaged by her.

And actually re the shit - that was drugs of the illegal variety I believe

Weekends I don't pretend to understand what you're going through. But I disagree on principle with announcing this on FB.

Absolutely Crowler.

woo - I agree with you there, I did think there might be some mental illness/un diagnosed SN going on there with the leaving shit around - that is not normal angry teenager behaviour.

weekends, it sounds like you really did try and I am sorry you had such an awful experience. I still think it is wrong to wish a horrid painful death on someone though.

I get that but you see a nasty SM and I see someone at end of tether making a lapse in judgement.

I posted stuff and deleted it - but FB wasn't the beast it is now.

Sometimes I just snapped under the pressure.

Oh Weekend I'm sorry it must be very very hard.

If you reread my OP you'll see I acknowledge my (?ex) friend is having a bad time too and I say its sad for all concerned. The reason I suggested she should delete the post was not out of judginess but because i thought face book was the wrong place for it and also it would make things worse for all concerned.

Decided to sleep on it and sort it out tomorrow. had a difficult day myself. Perhaps I shouldn't have got involved i wanted to save pain for her and her step son I probably managed a magnificent fail :(

phantom you dont know what he didm

I don't think it's horrible - I know it's horrible - I wish I was a better person who was better able to handle things - but I am not - I am human - he stole our lives - I cannot bear to look at my past, not even my wedding p hours he is in everything because he was such a huge part of our lives - he stole it all.

endless just message her and say what you just said to me - chances are she would have deleted it anyway - it just sounds more like a cry for help to me.