WIBU to never have sex with husband again until he has the snip?

[jobesaurus]

Hi, apologies as this will probably be long and jumbled because my head is all over the place.

So as the title says really, is it an unreasonable request that if my h is asking me to abort our baby that he should really take steps to ensure it never happens again?

We have found ourselves in the position of me becoming pregnant with a 3rd child(have 2 girls already) and h is adamant that the pregnancy can't continue as he doesn't think we'd cope with another baby financially or emotionally. We haven't been using contraception apart from the withdrawal method as I can't use hormonal methods and h is reluctant to use condoms so we both knew we were taking a huge risk. I have told h that if I abort the baby then he has to have the snip but he doesn't like that idea one bit so I can't see how to move forward from this?!!

I know the option is there for me to be sterilised but that means me having the termination, then getting sterilised and then having an operation to fix my knackered pelvic floor and to be honest I just don't think it's fair that it's me having to go through all of that.

I'm struggling to come to terms with the fact that I'll have to have a termination especially as I was informed today that I have to wait until I'm 6 weeks to have the procedure(I'm 4+1 today but found out on Thursday as was feeling sick, sore boobs, tiredness) by that time the tiny baby's heart will be beating and it feels so wrong for me. It will take me a long, long time to try and come to terms with it but h basically said that the strain of a 3rd baby will break us apart so my choice really is baby or husband(and daddy for the girls)

I'm not sure AIBU is best place for this but couldn't find a more suitable board.

[Davsmum]

He does have a choice - No sex or use a condom is the fairest one.
That way - you are not refusing sex and he has to decide whether he wants sex enough to wear a condom!

I wouldn't force a man to have a vasectomy. My current partner willingly had one after his ex wife was having problems with the pill - neither of them wanted any more children - they split up a year later and we have been unable to have a child together. He has said a few times that he wished we could have had a child.
You never know what happens in the future - so I think using condoms would be better?

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

and this is what a 6 week old "baby" looks like since you don't seem to know

www.baby2see.com/development/5w2d.jpg

[bodygoingsouth]

this isn't about contraception so much as a selfish controlling man trying to blackmail a pregnant woman.

yes I think both were too careless and now have to deal with the consequences but that's not the main problem here.

[Iamavapernow]

Invert commas on the word baby all you want. That is a baby growing in the OP's body.

[CatAmongThePigeons]

Vaper That's a bit stable door now, isn't it?

OP, there's counselling services available to you, please take advantage of them and find out what you want. Do not be bullied into anything

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

Of every 100 women whose partners use withdrawal, 4 will become pregnant each year if they always do it correctly.


That's from the planned parenthood website. But I don't suppose you'd believe them would you.

NO it's a fetus. That's what a fetus looks like.

This is a parenting website most of us know what babies look like

[Iamavapernow]

Catamong No idea what - That's a bit stable door now, isn't it? means, so I couldn't say either way.

[YouTheCat]

Vaper, have you actually got anything helpful or worthwhile to say at all?

[tellmeonasunday]

We haven't been using contraception apart from the withdrawal method as I can't use hormonal methods

Have you seen a family planning specialist? Many people who can't use the pill can use the implant - or what about the copper coil?

[Iamavapernow]

I feel sorry for the fetus then. If you're getting all persnickety about it. Happy?

[Lottystar]

Sorry, if your husband didn't want a baby he should have had a cold shower or put something on the end of it! I have been through a termination for different reasons and it is a difficult and emotional process even for a woman who actually wants it too. That was my experience. I'm not sure you do want a termination and I think you need to really, really consider what you want. Is there a possibility your husband might come around? Would he put you through something you don't necessarily want to do? Whilst termination is a hard choice for a woman in any situation, I think it's harder when you already have children and can imagine the child you may have had. I'm not trying to be all pro life - that would make me a hypocrite, but pls think about what you want. I think of my little one that I terminated everyday. Just be sure.

[iloveshortshorts]

Hi op hope you're ok
after any decision you make could you get the coil the one which doesnt have hormones? So at least your on some sort of contraception.

if you want to keep the baby you have every right to as its your body. Good luck with any decision you make.

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

I feel sorry for the fetus then. If you're getting all persnickety about it. Happy?

NO, I still don't think feeling sympathy for a barely there fetus while being nasty to a human woman in an emotionally abusive relationship shows any kind of real empathy. So no, I am not happy.

[KarmaVersusGeorgeOsbourne]

Keep the baby, get rid of the husband.

He sounds awful

[Iamavapernow]

'barely there fetus'

You're just lovely.

[Davsmum]

Some people see a 6 week fetus as a baby - others see it as nothing more than a fetus.
There is no point in arguing about it - It hardly helps the OP.

There are many reasons people use the withdrawal method. Judging them does not help either.

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

Op is 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant.

[VegetariansTasteLikeChicken]

that was to vaper

[BabyDubsEverywhere]

I wouldn't have sex with him again... vasectomy or not!

Your DH doesn't seem to like you very much, he seems to have no interest in your emotional, psychological, or physical well being.

I think you need to make a decision about whether you want to be with someone like him at all before you think about whether to have the abortion or not. I am so sorry you are going through this.

[Meerka]

Op, I would certainly not have sex.

your husband knew the risks and he knew how very, very difficult this situation would be for you. Both of you knew. But not using condoms and then insisting on an abortion is just ... Well, I wont say any more but I really do not think you are being unreasonable.

Do hope you can find a reasonable path through all this to something you can live with in the long term

(I hope you can ignore the poster who's comign on with the emotional blackmail)

[Iamavapernow]

Yes, I am aware of that. There is a life growing inside of her.

A woman is either pregnant or she's not.

You can't be 'barely pregnant' can you.

For me, 1 month pregnant/6 months pregnant, whatever, still fucking pregnant.

[AmyMumsnet]

Hi all,

Can we please remember to keep posts within the talk guidelines?