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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have felt quite uncomfortable with this situation?

122 replies

ClaudiusGalen · 08/02/2014 14:12

I have been having an ongoing telephone/broadband issue which could be the subject of a thread itself, but finally got a BT engineer to come out this morning.

About half-way through fixing the fault he asked if I was the account holder or my husband. I said it was me, he looked at my left hand and said 'Oh, if I'd have known you were single I'd have been flirting with you from the start'. I must have looked shocked because he then said 'oh sorry, I'm just a sucker for a pretty face'. I'm absolutely not attractive, so do not usually have to deal with these sorts of situations. I mumbled something about checking on the dog and left the room. A bit later he went outside to deal with something and when he came back in said 'It's cold out, I could do with a cuddle to warm up'. Then he winked at me.

As he was doing his final checks he asked for my phone number to test the line, then asked if I wanted his. I said no and he said that it didn't matter because he had mine and he knows where I live anyway. As he left the house he said he was sorry if he'd made me uncomfortable (must have been really obvious) but he just really liked my glasses!

AIBU to think that this was a really uncomfortable situation and that workmen should not make advances towards you in your own home?

OP posts:

CosyTeaBags · 08/02/2014 23:06

This is what 101 is for - to get advice and not clog up the 999 number.

The police won't be annoyed with you for calling, you have a genuine concern, and like other posters have said at the very least it's important to lot this incident in case it has happened in the past and / or happens in the future.

It will also add gravitas to your BT complaint and hopefully make them take it seriously.

I think what he did is creepy, and unsettling. I would have been very uncomfortable with it indeed.

Original poster

ClaudiusGalen · 08/02/2014 23:11

I'll sleep on the police issue, I think. I'm not sure I'm fully thinking straight about this at the moment.

It does seem flippant to some people, but it did scare me and I don't think anyone has a right to come into my home and do that.

OP posts:

WaitMonkey · 08/02/2014 23:13

What a twat. Report to BT and the police

ElloGuvnor · 08/02/2014 23:23

Not flippant at all Claudius. I'd have freaked out if it had happened to me. To look you up on facebook afterwards is just too creepy. Please report him, he may have behaved inappropriately before. Sorry you have had to go through this.

EBearhug · 08/02/2014 23:57

I don't think he's done anything criminal

He's misusing customer data. Isn't that a breach of the Data Protection Act?

BOFtastic · 09/02/2014 00:16

The criminal thing is a red herring- the point is that it's worth reporting and putting on file: it may back up somebody else's historic complaint, or mean that a woman in the future will be believed.

Nagasaki · 09/02/2014 00:28

Ebearhug - spot on.

He has wilfully and deliberately misused your personal data for his personal gain.

That is a breach of Section 55 of the Data Protection Act and is a criminal offence.

Well done on contacting his employer but please consider contacting the police and the Information Commissioner's Office.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 09/02/2014 00:29

You've done really well Claudius, I would have been very intimidated.

Get a good night's sleep and maybe write it all down in the morning in case you decide to take it further.

Coumarin · 09/02/2014 07:29

It isn't flippant op. The cuddle comment made my stomach sink just reading it let alone the rest. Horrible. How dare he take advantage of the situation like that.

A floor fitter spent a whole 'conversation' with me staring at my chest once. Outside I'd have thought he was a creepy jerk and brushed it off but being inside my house alone with him made me very uneasy and I felt vulnerable. It's a huge invasion of your personal space and home as well as threatening. What a arsehole!

I hope you had a decent sleep and you're feeling better today.

Coumarin · 09/02/2014 07:31

(Sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes. On my phone.)

HMG83 · 09/02/2014 15:49

Claudius, the way you're feeling is exactly the reason why the police exist.

They're there to help you and make you feel safe. This man has made you feel vulnerable and unsafe and that is wrong.

Please call 101 and talk to the Police.

Shonajoy · 09/02/2014 16:05

The Facebook request is an attempt to intimidate- I wonder if he's been disciplined. I WOULD actually make the police aware of this, that's worrying behaviour.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 16:21

Please report him to the police. Don't worry about whether he has committed an offence or not investigating it is their job. It sounds to me like he has committed an offence by misusing your data and if it continues it could also be considered harassment. He has no right to make you feel unsafe in your own house.

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 16:22

Please don't feel sorry for him in any way, if he is incapable of understanding professional boundaries he should not be doing the job he does. I actually don't think he sounds socially inept, more manipulative!

bumbumsmummy · 09/02/2014 16:24

Report him no question

AmberLeaf · 09/02/2014 16:37

If I were wondering about reporting to the police, him trying to add you on facebook would be the deciding factor in making me call 101.

What a creep.

Original poster

ClaudiusGalen · 09/02/2014 17:40

Thanks to everybody who has taken the time to reply and not suggest that what he did was okay if he was fit or post links to youtube like it was some sort of joke.

I haven't reported him to the police and don't think I will be doing. I suffer with depression and PTSD and this has sent me into a bit of a spiral, so I'm going to try to take some time to be selfish and look after myself.

Thanks again for the support and I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to pursue this any further.

OP posts:

AmberLeaf · 09/02/2014 18:55

Take care Claudius

EBearhug · 09/02/2014 19:10

Please don't feel you have to apologise for anything, because you really don't. You've reported it to BT & Sky - it will be followed up. The main thing is that you feel safe and secure, and I hope reporting it, and the support you have here, has helped with that. Take care of yourself - that should be your main priority.

HermioneWeasley · 09/02/2014 19:47

Claudius, I hope you feel better soon. Everyone has the right to feel safe in their own home and what he did was unacceptable.

CosyTeaBags · 09/02/2014 20:55

Claudius well done for taking care of yourself. No need to apologize at all, it's your life, and we're all just adding our two pennies worth. Its completely up to you how you choose to act on that advice.

Just know that there's a wealth of support and wise people here for you if you ever need them.

Take care of yourself

Topaz25 · 09/02/2014 22:07

You don't have to apologise for anything. Your health and safety is the priority here, take care of yourself. Consider keeping any evidence of him contacting you like a screenshot of the Facebook friends request just in case you want to report him in future though, it just gives you options. Do you have support IRL? Are you seeing a counsellor for your depression and PTSD? Thinking of you

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