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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have felt quite uncomfortable with this situation?

122 replies

ClaudiusGalen · 08/02/2014 14:12

I have been having an ongoing telephone/broadband issue which could be the subject of a thread itself, but finally got a BT engineer to come out this morning.

About half-way through fixing the fault he asked if I was the account holder or my husband. I said it was me, he looked at my left hand and said 'Oh, if I'd have known you were single I'd have been flirting with you from the start'. I must have looked shocked because he then said 'oh sorry, I'm just a sucker for a pretty face'. I'm absolutely not attractive, so do not usually have to deal with these sorts of situations. I mumbled something about checking on the dog and left the room. A bit later he went outside to deal with something and when he came back in said 'It's cold out, I could do with a cuddle to warm up'. Then he winked at me.

As he was doing his final checks he asked for my phone number to test the line, then asked if I wanted his. I said no and he said that it didn't matter because he had mine and he knows where I live anyway. As he left the house he said he was sorry if he'd made me uncomfortable (must have been really obvious) but he just really liked my glasses!

AIBU to think that this was a really uncomfortable situation and that workmen should not make advances towards you in your own home?

OP posts:

MiscellaneousAssortment · 08/02/2014 21:31

Please don't worry too much about any form of reprisals having complained - it's really not likely and I'm a bit taken aback that anyone would warn you off complaining for this reason.

I'm glad you've taken it further as Sky sound rubbish - I'm also with them so unsurprised.

I hope you feel less shaken up soon, it's a horrible thing, someone making you feel uncomfortable and worried in your own home. Your home is your sanctuary and it feels unnerving when that is breached in any way

SomewhatSilly · 08/02/2014 21:36

Did you call 101?

QwertyBird · 08/02/2014 21:40

Can you go to your notifications screen on fb, and see if it shows that he friend requested you? If so, screen shot it. Alternatively, did you get an email notification of the request? You need to keep anything like this as it backs you up.

Original poster

ClaudiusGalen · 08/02/2014 21:44

I snipped the notification before I blocked, just in case.

I have no idea what he is thinking. I'm not exactly love's young dream and I gave him no indication that I would be keen to hear from him again.

I haven't called 101 because I don't think he's done anything criminal, just clearly unprofessional and a bit desperate.

OP posts:

KenDoddsDadsDog · 08/02/2014 21:46

Serious misuse of customer data. Add this to your report with Openreach.

Gruntfuttock · 08/02/2014 21:47

I feel very angry on the OP's behalf. She's been out through all this worry and stress today, when all that should have happened is that a BT engineer arrived at her house and fixed the telephone/broadband she'd had for some time. That should have been the time for her to relax because it had been it had been solved, but instead she's having all this aggro.

justshabby · 08/02/2014 21:49

I was going to suggest you do exactly that, Claudius. Or a screenshot or summit. Hopefully they will deal with the complaint and the creepster will get re-trained/desciplined/sacked as appropriate.

And, most importantly, will leave you alone!

QwertyBird · 08/02/2014 21:49

He has, in the respect that his behaviour has intimidated and frightened you. It is worth speaking to them informally, just in case he does anything else in terms of contact. He may have ' form' for this, and another report could make a difference. He shouldn't be going in to someone's home and behaving this way.

Xfirefly · 08/02/2014 21:50

I would also suggest ringing 101 for advice, especially now he's definitely crossed the line searching for you on Facebook. What a total creep.

You have done the right thing to complain. A few weeks back a Delivery man knocked my door and 5 seconds later decided to try and come into my house. He was quite startled when I grabbed the door...then he made a swift exit. I was shaken up as 3 minutes before I was in the living room in my underwear and if he had come in then he would have seen me. I was frightened of making a complaint because I was afraid I'd be confronted by him but I did. A manager rang me back quite quickly and apologised and said it was serious and that they'd be dealing with it. I've had a different delivery man since.

please don't let this creep get to you..ring 101

NotALondoner · 08/02/2014 21:51

Please call the police. What if he did it before, and that person was too scared to complain? So now he thinks he can do it to you too.

Xfirefly · 08/02/2014 21:54

I'd still ring and ask for advice as 'I know your number and where you live' is quite threatening and disturbing IMO.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/02/2014 21:54

He just tried to add you on Facebook? That is clearly beyond the boundaries of professional 'friendliness'. Call 101. Seriously. You have his name and you have evidence of his behaviour now (the Facebook friend request). This is really worrying.
If in doubt, think about how many other women he might do this to, and what if they are not as good as you at resisting it?

CosyTeaBags · 08/02/2014 22:00

I too think you should call 101 - they will be happy to give you advice, and it will add weight to your complaint to BT when they realize how seriously you have taken it.

PenguinBear · 08/02/2014 22:02

After hearing about the Facebook ad too, I'd report to 101 and have it all logged (with a number). Then you could ring BT back and say you have logged the incident with the police and want to hear ASAP how they've followed this up. He deserves a severe , formal warning!

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 08/02/2014 22:03

Two questions:

Are you single?
Was he fit?

FitzgeraldProtagonist · 08/02/2014 22:05

I know sounds facetious, but context is everything. If taken and didn't want to know report away.

But if I was single And clicked with someone attractive I wouldn't be reporting.

MummyKnight · 08/02/2014 22:09

Please call the police, you are not over reacting. He is a stalker. He has abused his position of trust by making threatening remarks. The fact that you are now uneasy in your own home and have your BIL coming back with you is bad enough before he took it further by trying to add you on fb.

Gruntfuttock · 08/02/2014 22:13

PLEASE call 101 for advice and give them all the details. It really wouldn't be an overreaction.

When I was in my teens I put up with very explicit sexual remarks from a man at work, over a long period of time (years), and with no witnesses, but I didn't report the man because I never felt threatened. I'm only telling you that to make it clear that I'm more inclined to disregard things and put them down to 'banter' than to get scared and report them.

However, if I were in your situation, , I would be giving all the details to the police on 101 as well as complaining to BT. This man's behaviour is worrying and could escalate

BOFtastic · 08/02/2014 22:14

Fitzgerald, he freaked her the fuck out!

How did you not get that from reading the thread?

I'd ring 101 too, tbh, and I don't say that lightly.

SwayingBranches · 08/02/2014 22:14

He is not inept. He knows exactly what he's doing. He managed to be completely normal up until the point he found out you didn't "belong" to another man and then he deliberately ignored your discomfort and crossed boundaries.

We'll done for reporting to BT and hopefully you'll pluck up courage to inform the police you were harassed in your own home.

It takes a lot of courage to stand up to the prevailing societal view that every man has a right to every single woman no matter what the circumstances.

BOFtastic · 08/02/2014 22:15

Good that you screenshotted his fb request too- it makes it more than your word against his.

Original poster

ClaudiusGalen · 08/02/2014 22:19

Honestly he could have been George Clooney, Jonny Depp and Hugh Laurie [insert male of choice] rolled into one and I'd not have been interested. I don't feel comfortable with any kind of relationship with a man after a traumatic event a few years ago.

He was in my house to do a job. He should not have made the comments he did. I'm still trying to get my head around the fact that he did.

OP posts:

Latara · 08/02/2014 22:19

OP, this would be along the same lines as me chatting up a patient then saying ''I know where you live'' and finding them on FB - not professional, not appropriate and just totally wrong.

Don't feel that you are overreacting.

I think I would also phone 101.

DaleyBump · 08/02/2014 22:41

Agreed, phone 101. At least to log a complaint.

Juliaparker25 · 08/02/2014 22:57

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