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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibU...probably?

82 replies

IknowImAnArse · 07/02/2014 21:50

I am coming to the end of my maternity period with my second baby.

When working, I am a higher rate tax payer in greater london.

I can just about return to work when factoring in childcare costs, so basically I would earn £63 per month - full time. Husbands salary pays bills excluding food..just due to huge mortgage and a couple of hundred quid of existing debts.

It's all very jolly to say ah you are a partnership childcare costs should be split, however the opportunity cost of returning to work makes it pointless.

If I go back to work, I will be paying £22000 taxation for someone else to gain tax credits and
I presume have a greater level of disposable cash than me.

That really is an aside...

My real question is, am I being unreasonably to ask, does anyone else work for nothing (full time) for the future of your career, knowing that if you take 5 years out, your skills are obsolete?

How do you motivate yourself?

How do you not feel a little bit bitter?

OP posts:
JenBehavingBadly · 07/02/2014 21:53

When I first went back to work after DD, DH was working for nothing - (if you go on single wage, our childcare and his transport costs were more than what he was earning.)

However, 3 years later, DD has nursery vouchers, he's earning more, I'm earning more and she'll be in school soon.

It's bloody hard. I really resented going back to work after my first DC where it was barely worthwhile, but it got better. I then resented going back after my second DC as it was barely worthwhile to have both of us working.

BUT I am glad I am still working. Things will change.

TheGreatHunt · 07/02/2014 21:55

What childcare are you using??

You aren't paying tax to go straight out as tax credits. It's a contribution to society ffs.

Chippednailvarnish · 07/02/2014 21:56

I don't but I have done - career wise stopping for me would have been very difficult to return if I had stopped.
It does get easier the old the DC's get...

StealthPolarBear · 07/02/2014 21:59

Well if you work youll only have 63 per month for food. Presumably id you dont work you wont even have that

gordyslovesheep · 07/02/2014 21:59

oh please - I am alone raising 3 kids - without tax credits I wouldn't be able to work - and while they where young and I was married and working I received nothing and paid for childcare myself

not once did I begrudge other people getting help - you have a 'huge mortgage' - your choice

marmitecat · 07/02/2014 21:59

I remember the crippling cost of having two kids in nursery. I extended my maternity leave with my youngest to cover the period until the older one started school. Presumably your eldest will be 3 soonish and you'll have a bit more change after paying for childcare.

Have you considered part time or job share or changingjobs?

Whatnamenext · 07/02/2014 21:59

I'm in an industry seeing people returning to work after 5 years out. It ain't pretty. I'm 2 grades higher (having gone back early). Our choices and paths ahead are very different.

Not saying it's right but I can really see how playing the long game pays off.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 07/02/2014 22:00

Your childcare is £3800 a month? That seems steep

Chippednailvarnish · 07/02/2014 22:01

I'm with What on this - you need to think about the position you will be in after 5 years.

Worriedkat · 07/02/2014 22:01

Yes I did, nothing left after nursery and petrol once DC3 was in nursery. I was glad to remain employed and still be an adult in my own right, which I felt I had lost after having DC3. It was quite an easy role and the social aspect, peaceful lunches etc made it worth it.

After a year or so I got a better role that I never would have got otherwise, DC 3's government funding started and it was well worth it once again.

My roles were part time though, can you drop a day? Wouldn't make much of a dent in your £63?

macdoodle · 07/02/2014 22:02

Ummm I thought tax paid for things like school, health, roads, utilities etc etc so yes YABU. You could have worded your OP better.

wonderingsoul · 07/02/2014 22:03

get a different child care? a nanny? childminder are normaly cheaper than nursery.

Daykin · 07/02/2014 22:03

I didn't. My career is fucked, as is my earning potential. I would not make the same mistake again.

If you are paying £22K in tax, doesn't that mean you are on about £65K? Even with travel costs, pension contributions etc. it seems like a hell of a lot left over to only have £63 after childcare.

maddening · 07/02/2014 22:05

could you go interest only on the mortgage for a year?

Worriedkat · 07/02/2014 22:09

Actually one of the difficult aspects was trying to explain to older generations that I didn't actually earn any money to pay for anything other than childcare and travel . Playing the long game was beyond most peoples understanding as the issue didn't exist in their day.

MichaelFinnigan · 07/02/2014 22:10

Yes, of course. You have to take a long term view

poppyrosefairy · 07/02/2014 22:11

YANBU but it won't be viewed sympathetically here.

ceeveebee · 07/02/2014 22:14

Putting aside the incredibly selfish comment about tax credits, to answer your question, I would try to work at least part time in order to keep your skills up to date. At age 3 childcare costs should decrease.

Also look at your current arrangements - would a nanny be cheaper? Can you stagger mornings or evenings with DH so that you need fewer overall hours of childcare? £3800 pm seems a lot for childcare - full time live-out nanny is a lot less than that - live in would save some more.

dreamingbohemian · 07/02/2014 22:17

You stop feeling bitter by recognising that it was your choices that led to this situation. You are not some passive participant that all these things just randomly happened to. You chose to have a huge mortgage, you chose to have two young children, and all this in a city with high transport and childcare costs.

Yes, it sucks massively, but in the long term you know you will be better off. That's your motivation.

I also don't understand your math though.

maparole · 07/02/2014 22:23

Be grateful you are not one of the rising number of people depending upon food banks just to survive. Be grateful you have a decent marriage, 2 healthy children, a roof over your head and a career.

MostWicked · 07/02/2014 22:30

I don't understand how you can be left with only £63 per month

It's only short term anyway so I don't really think you have anything to complain about.

Original poster
IknowImAnArse · 07/02/2014 22:58

Ok, thanks all for valid points. Some really interesting viewpoints. If I could work PT in my field I would!

I don't mean to say that I am directly paying for anyone else tax credits directly, my flippant terminology.

Really very little part time opportunities, to the extent that in the last tow years I have come across only a handful of jobs in my field actually cover childcare costs. My expertise is in finance.

Currently, salary in the mid fifties, travel, SL, pension, £2.6k childcare in nursery fees, Slight typo on tax..but nonetheless...

I can do other stuff such as work Ina supermarket or be a waitress so I can do it around the family. I just think I will have no chance at getting back into a role at my current level and it upsets me.

Sorry to vent..I just wish i could make a couple of quid whilst the boys were young.

OP posts:
foslady · 07/02/2014 23:08

God, I wish I had your worry. Taxed at £22k? I'd love to EARN that. let alone be taxed it. Dd's dad left when she was 6. Without my tax credits (and yes I AM working FT) I would loose my home (mortgaged, v small and less than renting and it's a 2 bed, same as HB would pay). Prior to dd being born I earned (for the area) a good wage. 11 years later I'm still not earning what I did then. And why? Because he's now xh and the plan of 'It's ok, my pension will be enough for us both to retire on' walked out the door with him.
If I rented, I would be entitled to a payment towards my rent. That would be to pay someone else's mortgage. So what would you rather do - keep me able to keep some form of stability for my dd or pay someone's investment mortgage???
Your life will change in a few years as your children get to school. I am stuck right now, and YES I have tried again and again to change my position. Be grateful for what you have.

Original poster
IknowImAnArse · 07/02/2014 23:08

Thanks ladies...perhaps I should keep looking for PT roles, maybe look for a Pt evening role as well to make ends meet in the interim and see if nursery maybe give me a deal! I don't really want to be in the position Ina. Few years when the boys are in school that I have to start again!

OP posts:
Worriedkat · 07/02/2014 23:09

Look into a childminder? Got to be cheaper than £2.6k?

What kind of finance wouldn't work part time? Have you requested flexible working, what would your employer say? Agency work?

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