aibu to be angry at 16 year old dd's school for not noticing her and 3 friends were very tipsy at school?

[trousersinit]

My best friend is a teacher at dd's school and rang me today to tell me how she'd discovered that in dd's waterbottle it was actually vodka, she got suspicious after she saw a group of them giggling and sniffing it and smelt it herself. It later emerged that dd and her 3 other female friends for the last month have taken turns to smuggle in vodka in water bottles every Friday where they get tipsy. Dd has always been a model student and I had no idea she was into alcohol, apparently a newsagents sells alcoholbto minors without an ID so she had been using her dinner money to buy from there. I'm shocked that the school didn't pick up on 4 tipsy teen girls in lessons? Of course I'm furious with dd and we have spoken to her and it is being dealt with, but I'm angry at the school for not noticing sooner, is it unreasonable to expect teachers to notice that 4 teens are obviously drunk?

Yes, especially considering she's not eating lunch either.

Just to clarify, it was her friend who was throwing up, not her

We used to do it act crazy from 8 - 11am feel rubbish thr afternoon and then normal later. Your young you just bounce back and I still have a low tolerance to alcohol now so wouldnt worry op her dds getting used to it.

In that case I would be wondering why her mother hadn't noticed.

Her behaviour at 16 is more of a reflection of your parenting than of the schools lack of picking this up. Your anger is misplaced, at 16 she should know much better.

Ok well I'm sorry this has happened OP

But I still don't think you can blame the school for not noticing.

anyway, the point is: your dd is almost an adult, the school shouldn't have to watch her every second of the day to make sure she is safe like they would with a 4yo; if she gets into trouble it is her responsibility, not the responsibility of the people who didn't stop her

Your daughter gets pissed and it's the school's fault? Jesus Christ. Teenagers are giggly, say silly things and act like prats at times.

Maybe I should have accosted the 10 year old who was spinning round and round at playtime?
Your daughter's fault. Nobody else's.

Of course she should, but teenagers rebel, surely you aren't denying that. They can have the best of parenting but anything can change with them, all those parents with troubled teens,surely you aren't suggesting that it's always the parents fault?!

And I would be seeking help for a drinking problem. If she's getting that pissed by 10am at school, she has serious issues.

If they drank some much her friend was throwing up and babbling shite there is no way on earth your dd was sober by half five. You didn't notice.

And this isn't 'out of character' - she's done it repeatedly which means this IS part of her character. It might not fit with YOUR idea of her character, but unfortunately many teenagers deceive their parents and behave badly. Teenagers characters change and develop constantly, you are going to have to face the proven truth that actually your well behaved, model pupil daughter isn't either.

As for you teaching and her knowing right from wrong - the lessons about it being illegal to buy alcohol at 16, wrong to drink, even more wrong to do it at school and wrong to deceive your parents seem to have been forgotten.

This isn't the school's fault. It's your daughter and her friends fault and it feels like you are trying to shift as much of the responsibility for her actions to the school because you are struggling to deal with the fact that your perception of your daughter as a well behaved model pupil has just been blown out of the water.

So she's buying the vodka on her way to school and getting drunk before lessons even begin?
She's reeling through the day, pissed from 10am?

Op your probably just stressed now as its all just happened which is understandable. Some of these replies are slight overreactions to me. I was crazy when I was younger but now Im doing much better than nearly everyone I know. This is what teens do and I hardly think its crime of the century!

It is not what teens do at school annieoranguan
I don't know a single teen who didn't get off their face at a party, but never have I heard of teens doing it at school. It is not normal.

Thanks coconutty, just as if I wasn't struggling enough with having my.previously model daughter on the.brink.of.exclusion and acting like an alcoholic, you've made me feel even more guilty than I already did. I've done my best for my daughter and I thought I was doing a good job until this happened

Of course YABU. How the hell is this the school's fault? You are her parent - it's your job to give her a sense of right and wrong behaviour.

Other side of this, of course, is how the hell would school prove it? I teach a boy in Yr11 who the others tell me is often stoned in school. There's pretty much bugger all we can do about it. If his bag was full of drugs, then yes, we could, but if he smokes a joint on the way to school then it's his word against anyone else's.

Also, I agree that teenage girls often act pissed when they're not.

You are projecting your guilt onto the school, and that's totally unreasonable.

Kids do rebel and I don't always think it's the parents fault OP

There are many many other influences/factors to take into account

But I still think you should stop wasting your energy by blaming the school.

It's not their fault and it's not necessarily yours either.

We used to do something similar with Archers in a lemonade bottle. All four of us are boring respectable mums with sensible jobs now.

All my school did it at onr point or another, and dh grew up at complete opposite end of country and he remembers everyone doing it. No one ever gets caught my parents dont even know I was always doing it now. Its really not the end of the world op.

Yes, it's usually poorer caring.

Whenever dd does something fuckwitted or shifty then it's usually because I've taken my eye off the ball.

And if she was buying vodka and scarfing it at school I would be asking myself some tough questions and keeping a close eye.

Teenagers can't be trusted to make the right decisions all the time and you're never going to get it right all the time.

I've had teens brought home by the police for stealing/escaping - often it's because I've taken my eye off them or not asked some penetrating questions.

Being a 'perfect' parent would take constant vigilance and some seriously compliant child - and given that no fucker lives like that we all just have to do the best we can.

But I'm damn sure I wouldn't expect the school to notice my kid was tipsy.

I did very similar stuff at that age. I was also a model student and as far as my parents were concerned a model child. You must feel mortified-don't take that out on the teachers unless you have teaching experience yourself. I turned out fine by the way and will ground my dc for life if I catch them doing the same!

yy to archers and lemonade. We used to get drunk on straight cointreau and port at college. Bleurgh. Im wild these days if I drink more than a glass of wine!

Sorry, but whether or not the school should have noticed is the least of your worries, to be honest.