aibu to be angry at 16 year old dd's school for not noticing her and 3 friends were very tipsy at school?

[trousersinit]

My best friend is a teacher at dd's school and rang me today to tell me how she'd discovered that in dd's waterbottle it was actually vodka, she got suspicious after she saw a group of them giggling and sniffing it and smelt it herself. It later emerged that dd and her 3 other female friends for the last month have taken turns to smuggle in vodka in water bottles every Friday where they get tipsy. Dd has always been a model student and I had no idea she was into alcohol, apparently a newsagents sells alcoholbto minors without an ID so she had been using her dinner money to buy from there. I'm shocked that the school didn't pick up on 4 tipsy teen girls in lessons? Of course I'm furious with dd and we have spoken to her and it is being dealt with, but I'm angry at the school for not noticing sooner, is it unreasonable to expect teachers to notice that 4 teens are obviously drunk?

[spleenyone]

yabu
It never fails to amaze me how people will blame anyone but themselves in these situations. Always a popular choice to blame the school, stops parents having to look at themselves. Give me strength.

[annieorangutan]

yy to loopytiles. The model students are the ones that can do what they like. Its always the ones you never suspect in life.

[MothratheMighty]

I've thought of an upside to this OP.
Now you know that your daughter probably doesn't have dementia, which you were worrying about. Loss of memory and being spaced out can all be symptoms of excessive alcohol consumption.

[YouStayClassySanDiego]

Bloody hell, bladdered at school.

I'm sorry that you and the other parents have to deal with this but your anger is misdirected.

Your dd is brazen enough to take booze into school, this isn't a new thing so think back.

[yummystepford]

At school once there was a girl who was hammered, and stunk of vodka. Her friends had to help her get to lessons and to the loo to puke. She was slurring whilst talking to the teachers and none of them said or done anything. It was my first day at that school. I was shocked.

[lljkk]

omg, OP is the same person who thought her kid had dementia. Bloody hell. Just that. Bloody hell.

I'm ill in bed with head cold & extreme sleep deprivation. Too bad I'm too lazy to go get some popcorn.

[noblegiraffe]

So who was it who told you the story about the dinosaur and the being sick and the teacher not noticing? Your daughter by any chance? Bringing up outrageous exploits unnoticed by teachers while you get angry at the school and in the meantime the focus is neatly deflected from her?

I'm a teacher. If I had giggly girls in my lesson, alcohol would be pretty far down my list of suspected reasons. Kids piss around like that all the time without being drunk, and kids being (caught) drunk at school is so vanishingly rare for it not to be on my radar.

Concentrate on your daughter.

[clam]

Look, trousers, don't despair. She's not the first 16 year old to have done something like this. And hopefully she's learned a lesson. It doesn't make you a bad parent - and anyone who accuses you of that can just wait until it happens to them. I think it just riled people that it seemed as if you were looking to pass blame, when really, it's just 16 year olds being 16 year olds and not half so bad as some of the things I did.
Deal with her using whatever sanctions/consequences work for you. And chalk it up to experience and something that, in years to come, you will probably laugh about.

[larrygrylls]

When a child is in school, the school have a duty of care. What do you think safeguarding is all about?

How on earth can a teacher believe that she has made progress in the lesson if she was hammered?

You cannot blame a parent for teenage rebellion taking place at school, particularly at a low level such as sneaking a drink once a week. I would tend to be forgiving of the school but they have certainly been remiss, not the OP.

[MothratheMighty]

Dementia/brain tumour is an infinitely worse possibility than the relatively mundane issue of a teen with alcohol issues.
I'd be very relieved if I was the OP and I'd been worrying about my daughter for a month.

[trousersinit]

Nonono the 'dementia' one is my 15 year old, not this child. This is her older sister

[Pagwatch]

Yes. I agree with Clam.

Don't let yourself get distracted trousers. Deal with your DD. everything else is nonsense.

[MothratheMighty]

larry, how would you know a 16 year old girl was drunk and not just arsing around? Especially if you were dealing with a class of thirty for 45 minutes?

[MothratheMighty]

OK, so check that she's not drinking too, and hope that that is the cause.
I was serious about being relieved if I found out.

[Chippednailvarnish]

Maybe they are drinking together.

[anothernumberone]

Really it is part of being a teenager and pushing boundaries so not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but obviously you need to freak out at her for perception purposes. However being angry with the school is idiotic.

[larrygrylls]

It is a tough ask, which is why I would tend to be forgiving. However the theory is that teachers monitor EVERY pupil.

[trousersinit]

I agree with you moth on that one, but I'm pretty sure that my other dd isn't drinking seeing as she's been like this for years

[mummymoo47]

Dont worry, 16 years olds do silly things sometimes, she will get out of it. Dont be angry at the school they have so many other kids to deal with

[clam]

[trousersinit]

Clam what's that face for?

[puddingsforsandy]

I'm more worried about other kids not being able to learn because of you daughter and friends foolish behaviour.

[clam]

No idea what mummymoo's second post was all about!

[Blu]

If she was entirely sober by the time she got home she can't have been properly drunk.