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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

aibu to be angry at 16 year old dd's school for not noticing her and 3 friends were very tipsy at school?

149 replies

trousersinit · 07/02/2014 17:44

My best friend is a teacher at dd's school and rang me today to tell me how she'd discovered that in dd's waterbottle it was actually vodka, she got suspicious after she saw a group of them giggling and sniffing it and smelt it herself. It later emerged that dd and her 3 other female friends for the last month have taken turns to smuggle in vodka in water bottles every Friday where they get tipsy. Dd has always been a model student and I had no idea she was into alcohol, apparently a newsagents sells alcoholbto minors without an ID so she had been using her dinner money to buy from there. I'm shocked that the school didn't pick up on 4 tipsy teen girls in lessons? Of course I'm furious with dd and we have spoken to her and it is being dealt with, but I'm angry at the school for not noticing sooner, is it unreasonable to expect teachers to notice that 4 teens are obviously drunk?

OP posts:

MothratheMighty · 07/02/2014 19:53

If she's drunk at 10am, and the OP doesn't see her til 6pm, it is perfectly possible to have sobered up to the point of not noticeable in that time.
You metabolise alcohol pretty fast as a teenager.

afterthought · 07/02/2014 20:03

I'll remember this on Monday when I'm dealing with my year 11 girls. I'll send all the giggly ones to the head on suspicion of being drunk. I'll have a lovely lesson as it'll just be me left in the room!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/02/2014 20:03

I don't blame you at all for being angry in every direction. Sounds like a horrible shock. I think it's a case of everyone and no one is a bit to blame and I don't think there's much point in beating yourself up or the school.

You've done the right thing, making see she's seen the right reaction happen and you need to keep enduring she gets the right life lesson.

Honestly, I can remember times when we were hysterical with laughter, literally! Proper crying years down cheeks gasping for breath and clutching stomach, especially in gcse German lessons for some reason. And that was without alcohol. I also started to bunk off lessons and no one ever noticed. Teens are clever and school is their home territory, they know the culture and rules and boundaries and pretty much every routine and brick of the place. If you're not under suspicion, it's very easy to get away with out ragelus things.

So I think it would not be the first thing that comes to mind for a teacher, especially if she's a quiet studious type normally.

So, go easy on yourself and the school, go hard on her, at the same time try and reconnect with her and get engaged with her life so you aren't caught out next time/ for a while.

Honestly, it's awful, but it's also the stuff of looking back and laughing and say, 'lord, you were a horror at school!' ...

Stripyhoglets · 07/02/2014 20:10

YABU, teachers have enough on their plates without trying to work out if giggling teenage girls in school are giggling because they are teenage girls or because they are pissed. I wouldn't let your DD know that you feel school is in anyway to blame.

Rubybrazilianwax · 07/02/2014 20:12

Yabu. Most schools make the assumption that the pupils are sober for school. Your anger is very misplaced indeed.

CaterpillarCara · 07/02/2014 20:22

YY to everyone saying teenage girls are often giggly and ridiculous.

In fact, just today (after finishing work in a school) I was walking along behind three of the noisiest, craziest teenage girls having a lovely giggle and a gossip. By chance, a TA I know from another school was walking in front of them.

When I walked past the teens and near the TA I could see her smiling to herself. I lent over and said to her "bet we were both that noisy once" and she laughed and said she'd just been thinking how lovely it was to hear that clear, young joy and nonsense and remembering how much fun that age had been.

Never occurred to either of us to think they might be drunk! Being silly is what teens do well!!

I am sorry you have had a big shock, but please do not blame the school.

AgentProvocateur · 07/02/2014 20:23

If the teachers didn't notice that your DD was being drunk and silly, you might want to think about how she usually behaves in class. Maybe it wasn't too out of character...

ENormaSnob · 07/02/2014 20:50

Pah, a bit of voddy on a friday is niwt.

We used to sniff poppers every geography lesson.

And fridays were for dropping trips....

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 07/02/2014 20:58

really ENorma? I was so well behaved at school then, the worst we did was have a sly cigarette on the field! and got caught

Pumpkin567 · 07/02/2014 20:59

Keep the school on side.
You DD was at fault, end of conversation. Except it might be the start of lots of calls from the school.. Much better to have a good relationship.

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA · 07/02/2014 21:01

YABU

I was never caught, then again I didn't sniff it and giggle. Never got caught smoking cigs and more either.

If you cant do it without getting caught then don't

Twighlightsparkle · 07/02/2014 21:56

What concerns me most about this, is I'm reading between the lines and guessing that your best friend didn't go through the correct channels when she discovered this.?

soul2000 · 07/02/2014 21:59

She is not the first one and she sure wont be the last one.

I can remember everyone having Beer, Wine, Cider, Spirits , and going to the park at lunch time aged 15 or so , When a teacher saw you most of they would mostly ignore you , the ones who did not ,asked for a can of beer as a "Reward" for not Grassing you up.

I can remember one pub who's landlord claimed he made between £800- £1000 PW from the Grammar School kids at lunchtime (Lower Upper6th)

The Headmaster even said that there was nothing wrong with his pupils having a pint of " Shandy at lunchtime". as long as they were having a sandwich with them. The Boys and Girls used to spend all lunchtime with some of the staff and all free periods in the pub.

soul2000 · 07/02/2014 22:00

Most of them would mostly ignore you....

HSMMaCM · 07/02/2014 22:07

My friend and I used to sneak home every lunchtime and drink my dad's homemade beer. The teachers never commented.

Hiphopopotamus · 07/02/2014 22:20

For gods sake. Celia she's not a bloody alcoholic.

A few people have mentioned this is something they did in school. I remember a phase at school in year 11 when me and my friends would bring in vodka and lemonade in water bottles thinking we were much cooler than we were. I was a straight A student and my parents would have been distraught f I'd been caught.

Yes the OP is perfectly right to be upset - but don't make it more if a big deal than it actually is.

TarteAuxRiz · 07/02/2014 22:25

If it was in her water bottle every Friday did you not notice the smell??

dawntigga · 07/02/2014 23:01

It's a Harley Davidson thread:

AIBU?

YABU!

But, but, but.......

YABUTiggaxx

tiggytape · 07/02/2014 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsbetterthanabox · 07/02/2014 23:36

Teens act silly anyway! How are you meant to tell the difference? We used to go to school stoned and the teachers didn't notice anything.

NurseRoscoe · 08/02/2014 00:24

It isn't the school's fault. But I wouldn't say it is your fault either. At 16 kids are more influenced by their peers than their parents. I did a lot of stupid things at that age just because I didn't expect my parents to find out. She was probably under the illusion that she was capable enough to hide it so that you & the teachers never knew, I don't even think she necessarily has a massive alcohol problem or anything like that, it's more than likely a case of wanting to fit in with her mates or just wanting a bit of fun.

That doesn't make it acceptable behaviour, as it's obviously illegal & really inappropriate at school as it will be affecting her education, however she's old enough for you to talk to her, explain the consequences and to compromise. Take appropriate action too, such as reporting the shop to the police and giving her food to take to school rather than dinner money until she can be trusted?

RaspberryRuffle · 08/02/2014 02:02

Don't blame the school OP is the resounding reply. Don't beat yourself up too much. This definitely happened at my school, I remember having cider a few times in summer term and poppers. Smuggling alcohol on the ski trip etc was all normal aged 15 and upwards. I was also a "good student" but I will say at that age peer pressure is immense. For me it was about proving I was not a "swot", this was more important than the risk of being caught.
Talk to DD about how serious it could be, how you're disappointed in this behaviour etc, loss of trust, how to regain it. Depending on their outlook talk to her friends' parents (but only if all accept that the girls themselves are all responsible).

RaspberryRuffle · 08/02/2014 02:02

sashh · 08/02/2014 06:45

If she was entirely sober by the time she got home she can't have been properly drunk.

Not true.

The one study (to my knowledge) done on teenagers drinking found that they metabolised alcohol slightly differently so they only appeared to adults to be a bit tipsy when they were steaming.

It is unethical to conduct studies giving teenagers alcohol so this study won't be repeated.

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