Crippling jealousy of ex's young, pregnant girlfriend

[windyvillage]

This is long, and I know a lot of people will think I'm out of order, but I need a perspective on my problem. My ex and I split up more than 10 yrs ago, I was 20 when we met and 26 when we split, him 4 yrs older, so we did all that growing up together, first home, family ties etc. We broke up but we have always stayed very close friends, in fact I would say he was my best friend. Since then I met someone and we have been together 10 yrs, but my ex never had any other significant partners and we have carried on a good friendship all within a social circle, going on holiday etc. I had a daughter in 2010 and my ex is her godfather and totally loves her. Last year we moved out of the area and I started to have an idea that he was seeing the ex-girlfriend of a male friend of mine who had brought her as a plus one to my daughters birthday parties. When he knew I had an idea of this he said he needed to come over to speak to me, he stayed over (we live miles away)and told me he had been seeing her. I guess the sticking point here is that he is 41, I am 38 and she is 22. That was enough to set me off in internal rages of jealousy. A few weeks later (last november)he said he needed to come to visit again and this time told me she was pregnant. He also told me he thought she had got pregnant on purpose, and that he had hoped at every scan that there would be a problem with the child. Since then he has said that she is asking him why she's not invited when he visits us and can I construct scenarios where we can all meet. to put it mildly I am having trouble getting used to this new scenario after all these years, so I have refused, in honesty I can't even bear thinking of seeing her especially as I am hoping for a second child. Even the fact that she is a teacher is making my blood boil because I work 48 hrs a week away from my dd, and in the future she'll always be with hers in the hols. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous, has never left home, and has moved into the house he owns and so never has to have that struggle with money I had at her age. I also got pregnant at her age but 'it wasn't the right time' for us ie we were totally skint. The thing is I know I sound like a bunny boiler, I know IABU, but how can I get rid of my jealousy and rage?

[PedantMarina]

Please, do give her the URL to Mumsnet. I think she needs us.

[Birdinthebush]

OP there is no need to be jealous of this relationship .He is already resentfull of the pregnancy, and has her down as manipulative/gold digger. It's not going to work and if they do stay together because of the child he is only going to feel more resentfull.My advice is look at your own issues and try to soft them out. Let your ex get one with his own life

[Pigeonhouse]

OP, she's very young, inexperienced in life insofar as she's never left home before, and in a relationship with a much older man who (a) has an unhelpfully close relationship with an ex who still has a lot of unresolved feelings for him and (b) who wishes harm to their unborn baby. What part of her life is enviable?

[Petitealouette]

Where is the OP?

[mynewpassion]

Maybe the OP has sobered up and realized two things. One she is being petty and a knob. Two, her ex is a twat.

[MollyDoublyBarrely]

Your Ex is a prize knob. At 41 years old there should be no doubt in his mind that unprotected sex = pregnancy.

To then wish harm upon that poor woman's unborn child - HIS unborn child - is just disgusting IMHO.

If I were you I would give yourself a shake and slap some sense into your ex! You say this girl has everything you never had but it looks to me like all she has is a relationship with a rather vile excuse for a man. She is better off out of it!

[Finaldeskination1]

You both sound delightful.

I think this is a reverse.

[pertempsnooo]

OP come back! But I also think it sounds like a reverse.

[pinkteddy]

God some of you have been really horrible on here. Your lives are all perfect I assume? OP has been really open and honest and probably isn't proud of her feelings.

OP come back. There has been some great advice in amongst the nasty stuff.

[FudgefaceMcZ]

My ex's much younger girlfriend (she was 19 he was 39, when they started going out, and it was very soon after he dumped me when I was pregnant, he's a dickhead basically) moved straight from uni into his very expensive house while I struggled to rent at the time. I actually feel sorry for her, she's missed out on normal life experiences and has no idea about normal life for someone her age, and also she's with a stupid arsehole partner. Yes, it would be nice to have free housing at that age, but don't you think that actually the experience of working for your own home makes it feel better in the end? I can look at my house and think 'that's MINE, which I bought for myself', she will never be able to do that and I can pity her for being a bit pathetic and lacking independence.

[Logg1e]

pinkteddy which part makes you think she isn't proud (other than in reference to her jealousy)?

[hickorychicken]

What is a reverse?

[halfwildlingwoman]

I think some posters have been really cruel. Bettedavis01, that was unnecessary really. A personal attack pretty much.
OP, he does sound like an awful man. You have a lovely husband and family, find a way to move on.

[MistressDeeCee]

Try (a) wishing disability &/or death on an unborn child & (b)a woman who is a wife & mother herself, wanting this 'man' around & not wishing well for his pregnant gf, for "cruelty". There's a better "c" word for them both. Posters are veritable angels in comparison

[Morloth]

pinkteddy a man who is hoping his baby will suffer and die is not a man to want.

[MistressDeeCee]

What's so brave about admitting something like that from behind a screen anyway? I bet OP's DH doesn't know a thing either. He's being played for a mug. I don't know OP (thank god)so no personal attack from me - but ANYBODY who wishes harm on an unborn child and a woman who can actually listen to that without berating whoever says it..whilst STILL holding malice against the woman actually carrying that innocent child - amounts to zero in my book. Callous doesn't cover it. I couldn't care less if they're scorned. I hope their combined actions don't disturb his gf's mind & emotions whilst she's pregnant. I'm sorry for her.

[Sharaluck]

Yanbu. I think it is understandable to feel how you do. I think your termination at 22 has a lot to do with it.

However you need to move on for the sake of your family and yourself. Distance yourself from his immediately and try to put all thoughts about it out of your head.

[IwasLate]

Let's just hope that your ex new gf
Know nothing about your ex wishes

From rl I actually know someone who have been constantly scared about potential illnesses gens problems while being pregnant
It was absolutely damaging for that person and quite cruel thing to do for guy who did it

Well my only conclusion luckily he is your ex

[honeybunny14]

I feel so sorry for his poor girlfriend he sounds horrid. Why your are feeling like this after 10 years apart is just weird i think you need to get over it now.

[Nokidsnoproblem]

I think you need to do two things:

1. I think you need to encourage your friend to be honest with this poor lady. She deserves to know his true feelings and what he is really like. If he dosen't tell her how cruel he has been about her behind her back then you should tell her. She will find out what he's like one day. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.
   

1. You need to focus on your own husband and child, not your ex and his baby.
   

You have a chance to make this better. Please do so.

[LondonNicki]

Get over your ex. It's not fair on your current partner. Cut the chord...imagine if your DP was the one writing this, how would you feel?

[FlockOfTwats]

I feel sorry for both of you TBH. This man does not sound very nice. I think you are in a far better position than her though - She is 22 and having a child with a man who treats her like this? Wishing these things on his child? Wishing the emotional devastation on her? And having private little meet ups with an ex?

[GhettoPrincess001]

The OP had a termination and is now envious of her ex-partner (and father of her unborn/terminated child) being the Dad to a newborn baby ?

I guess it wouldn't matter so much if the OP wasn't still in love with him. Why isn't the relationship and child/ren that she now has with her current partner enough ?

Why did she have to keep him as a close friend ? How come she even knows what he's doing with his life. I can't help but wonder how her current partner would feel if he knew how conflicted she was about this.

I'm thinking that her ex's new baby is bringing back memories of her termination.

Being envious that she will get to spend more time with the baby because she is a school teacher

Also, you mean he's got a 22 year old who hasn't even left home yet up the duff at the age of forty ? Yeah, that'll last.

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

OP?