Crippling jealousy of ex's young, pregnant girlfriend

[windyvillage]

This is long, and I know a lot of people will think I'm out of order, but I need a perspective on my problem. My ex and I split up more than 10 yrs ago, I was 20 when we met and 26 when we split, him 4 yrs older, so we did all that growing up together, first home, family ties etc. We broke up but we have always stayed very close friends, in fact I would say he was my best friend. Since then I met someone and we have been together 10 yrs, but my ex never had any other significant partners and we have carried on a good friendship all within a social circle, going on holiday etc. I had a daughter in 2010 and my ex is her godfather and totally loves her. Last year we moved out of the area and I started to have an idea that he was seeing the ex-girlfriend of a male friend of mine who had brought her as a plus one to my daughters birthday parties. When he knew I had an idea of this he said he needed to come over to speak to me, he stayed over (we live miles away)and told me he had been seeing her. I guess the sticking point here is that he is 41, I am 38 and she is 22. That was enough to set me off in internal rages of jealousy. A few weeks later (last november)he said he needed to come to visit again and this time told me she was pregnant. He also told me he thought she had got pregnant on purpose, and that he had hoped at every scan that there would be a problem with the child. Since then he has said that she is asking him why she's not invited when he visits us and can I construct scenarios where we can all meet. to put it mildly I am having trouble getting used to this new scenario after all these years, so I have refused, in honesty I can't even bear thinking of seeing her especially as I am hoping for a second child. Even the fact that she is a teacher is making my blood boil because I work 48 hrs a week away from my dd, and in the future she'll always be with hers in the hols. It doesn't help that she is gorgeous, has never left home, and has moved into the house he owns and so never has to have that struggle with money I had at her age. I also got pregnant at her age but 'it wasn't the right time' for us ie we were totally skint. The thing is I know I sound like a bunny boiler, I know IABU, but how can I get rid of my jealousy and rage?

[shewhowines]

YANBU to feel jealous. YABU to not meet her and allow her into "your gang" You have moved on and he should be able to.

It does seem an unhealthy relationship. Ex should have easily been able to tell both you and DH about his new girlfriend. Something is odd if he felt the need to come and see you specially and privately.

How happy is your marriage? Be honest. If it's not, then you need to address that, but your ex is not the answer.
Would your life be any happier if you were still married to ex?

Sort out your own life. These feelings have highlighted the need for this. The ex and his girlfriend are irrelevant.

Please be kind to DH. You are in current danger of losing him too.

[tracypenisbeaker]

Get a life. How you can still love someone who wishes horrible things on a baby... because you are obviously not overhim. It's not normal to be involved with an ex to that extent.

God, I cant get over how controlling and nasty you come across. I hope that girl sees sense, because you are obviously not going to drop him in it, are you?

[Cravey]

That poor woman. He sounds like a prize idiot. And you don't sound much nicer if I'm honest. Maybe you two should get back together and leave her and her child alone.

[mrsjay]

you both sound really quite self centred and egotistical the reason you are still friends are you are very much alike and I think you like his around to inflate your ego you jealous of a young woman who is with your EX and for fucks sake him wanting the scan to show something, you sound well suited to each other, and i feel sorry for this woman who is stuck with this arsehole for the next 18 yrs because the child will always link them,

[Cobain]

Has her age and then her pregnancy took you back to the time you had at 22 and you have not been able to come to terms with that.

[mrsjay]

oh and another thing you are jealous because the EX might not be around as much for you

[mrsjay]

maybe seeing what you have written type will let you see that this man is no good in your life and what an arse he is, can you imagine your childs father saying to his EX he hoped something would be wrong in the scan looking at your own child can you imagine anybody saying such nasty things about her,

[nevergoogle]

you are so out of order it's hard to know where to start.

what horrible self-centred behaviour.

[NaggingNellie]

What a monster you're ex is, I won't waste any further breath on you, if you aren't repulsed it you can't be much better.

[Fudgeface123]

You sound perfect for each other

[Viviennemary]

Your ex hoped at every scan there was something wrong with the baby. Have you any idea of how dreadful that sounds. I would be sickened and disgusted if that was my ex or indeed anyone speaking like that. It seems like you haven't really moved on from your ex. Why don't you take a step back and let them get on with their lives. It's the only decent thing to do.

[lottieandmia]

It sounds as if you have never got over your ex. You are with someone else, have a child together and yet you still want to be around your ex all the time. That doesn't sound healthy to me.

[Petitealouette]

Op, are you gathering ideas for a trash novel?

[brettgirl2]

yabu nothing else to say

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

How can you be friends with someone who wishes their baby could die of a problem?

Your thread title is bollocks too as no where does it seem the lady has "crippling" jealously. You only know what the twat has told you.

Not that the OP will be back. I doubt very much she expected these responses.

[ToffeeOwnsTheSausage]

Were you hoping he would knock you up as you wanting another child has nothing to do with him having one with someone else.

[ViviDeBeauvoir]

Are you for real?

If you are, both you and your ex sound like utter cunts who deserve each other.
That poor girl, poor baby and your poor DP.

Dysfunctional.

[Bonsoir]

How can you be jealous of a 22 year old who has lived at home with her parents and engineers pregnancy so that she can move straight in with an older, richer man to avoid taking responsibility for herself? Her life is totally doomed.

[PoshPaula]

Horrible people. I'm sorry to hear that people like this exist. (If they do, and this is a genuine post).

[Hedgehead]

I feel for you. This has raised old issues for you and there is often a lot of grief around early pregnancies that were not seen through for some reason or another.

Unlike others I don't think you are still in love with your ex, I just think you have been relying on quite a specific a world view with your ex in it, but not in the position he is currently in. This position (dating a younger woman and her being pregnant) has made you feel uncomfortable as you have realised you cannot control what you thought you could control, especially as you would like another child, and especially as you thought that you and your ex had a certain unspoken 'understanding' about life/children/your relationship/whatever.

Try and unravel what your expectations were and compare them to the reality of what has happened...

[Littleen]

I reckon you are jealous because she's 22 and got things that you did not have at that age, and you wish you did. I don't think it's linked to the fact she's with your ex, from what you write - it's just been triggered by it. However - he sounds like a total dick what with his comments about baby and all, and his gf (regardless of whether she got pg on purpose) is obviously very immature and have now got her in a mess that will last a lifetime.

Also wondering where your OH is in all this? I wouldn't want exes involved that much, nor would my other half. Also, I was really happy when my ex found someone else, as I still felt guilty for breaking his heart! He's single again now, and I just feel sad about it, as all he wants is a wife and kids and a happy, easy life. You should be able to feel the same about your ex, though he obviously does not have the same goals in life as my ex.

[pigletmania]

Windy you sound unhappy with your life, tat s why you are still hankering after ex, and are jealous of his gf. You need to cut ties with him, leave him alone with his on life, and work on improving yours! He sounds awful, wishing herbal things on his unborn child, and treating his gf so shoddily.

[pigletmania]

Horrible not herbal, silly auto correct