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Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
VegetariansTasteLikeChicken · 05/02/2014 12:22

I think the man involved was very brave and was just trying to placate his daughter (haven't we all occasionally done the 'wrong' thing in order to achieve this?) - if he was my husband/partner and came home and told me what he'd done, I'd have just giggled and said 'I bet that freaked out some of the fuddy-duddies'. And didn't it just!

Oh DinahSoar aren't you cool Hmm those fuddie duddies, like the 1/5th of women who have been sexually assaulted.. or the young teenage girls who should be like totes comfortable with a fucking growin man in their changing room. And to the poster who thinks he "got a parental decision wrong and didn't understand the consequences" I am pretty sure.. that before he ever had a child.. he knew that changing rooms that say "women only" were for women only because there would be naked women in them.

Otherwise they would be full of teenage boys and men in their 20s. Do you see many young childless men wandering throuhg the women's changin rooms? No? no you don't.

It was wrong for him to assert his right to do whatever he wanted at the risk of upsetting those around him. I doubt he was just stupid, I'd say super entitled at best and yes, a bit of a perv at worst.

FryOneFatManic · 05/02/2014 12:51

I wouldn't have been happy to find a bloke getting changed in the ladies changing room.

Only now, we have a changing village where there are only individual cubicles, for both genders, so you do see some stuff now.

Some showers poolside open to view, plus some individual showers where you can strip off the costume and have a proper shower.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 13:11

Chopping the OP doesnt mention the DCs age.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 13:16

Yes she would Join but again your picking over arguments that aren't there. I said 8 because that's th e age everyone else was mentioning as I explained clearly so I thought. She was 4 when something happened to her. So the point still stands however people want to misconstrue my posts.

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 13:23

I think ramping this up to a paranoid fantasy where the guy was there to perve is deeply alarmist and no help to those who have experienced sexual assault.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:31

Rules are rules, he broke them. Is he about to be prancing about in the nude in female changing room?!

If there was NO family changing room I'd say he could use females.

Our local swimming pool has unisex but cubicles too. which generally works. I'm sure the occasional person doesn't realise though and FWIW a female friend of mine is ok but not best pleased about the unisex bit!

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:36

oh in one of our local pools (guess which one?!) they have Muslim swimming days - presumably women in Burkas, etc - now suppose this man was in one of those pools on one of those days?!

Now the above WOULD have been an outcry!

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 13:38

misspixietrix

Does everyone else in the leisure centre have to bend to the whim of a 4 year old as well as her dad?

Hmm
ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 05/02/2014 13:38

Do you think the dad would have been happy if a grown man was changing next to his daughter she she was 15/16/20 etc? I think he's just not seen beyond his own bubble.

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 13:41

If there was NO family changing room I'd say he could use females

No, really, he couldn't - not being female and all. FFS.

A 4 year old gets changed where they are told - they do not dictate that the rules of the leisure centre are ignored because they want to do something nor because he's such a self centred git he'd rather offend/inconvenience/upset and entire changing room of females than deal with his daughter - for crying out loud.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:42

HopALong - I think from what OP has said is his DD would make a scene if not in female changing room, he didn't want said scene so he decided to over-ride the rules of the swimming pool (not his rules their rules) and take DD in female CR regardless of the feelings of the other females there.

Me personally I may have been a bit Shock depending on whether it was an open changing room (and he COULD see all females in various states of undress) but it wouldn't have killed me.

what beggars belief here is that he just over-rode the rules. for his own benefit.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:42

Chipping but do you REALLY think it is appropriate for a 4 year old to then use the males changing rooms?

I don't. call me naive but I really don't think that's on.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:43

and Chipping I agree with you a 4 year old shouldn't dictate where they should get changed.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 05/02/2014 13:45

Yes of course it is!

This is totally ridiculous. CHILDREN are not harmed by seeing bodies. ADULTS have a right to change in single gender changing rooms.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 05/02/2014 13:46

4 year old boys use the male changing rooms right? They wouldn't go into the women's (unless of course they are with their mum rather than their dad).

lainiekazan · 05/02/2014 13:47

This happened when I took dd swimmiing a while ago. It was a school swimming pool which hosted club swimming lessons.

There were older teenage girls getting changed as well as children with mums. This man was with his children and, I think, oblivious, and some of the mums were giggling at the situation. But one of the staff marched up and ordered him out. Like the man in the OP, he stood his ground and argued about it, instead of creeping off with a red face to the family changing room.

I'm sure such men aren't pervs, but the sort who probably wear slings and say, "We're pregnant" and are generally wallyish.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 13:48

If there was NO family changing room I'd say he could use females.

Confused

Even if there was no family changing room, HE'D STILL BE A MAN.

And so, NO, he couldn't use the women's changing room.

He could use the men's changing room like all Dad's of little girls do when they take them swimming.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:48

Bertie - I recall when younger 4 year old boys being allowed in female changing rooms whether with mum or dad if they weren't comfortable being in the male changing room and especially if they were with just say mum.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 13:49

Right missed that one chipping sorry.

HelloBoys · 05/02/2014 13:50

Join - like I said before you'd be happy for a young girl to be in MALE changing room with her dad?

You have NO IDEA the kinds of people who are there. You could get lucky and everyone's normal but there could be the perv/paedo in there eyeing up a 4 year old. maybe I'm overreacting but I would NOT be happy with a young DD of mine going in male changing room with her dad!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 05/02/2014 13:50

Um, that's a bit rude to dad who wear slings. My husband uses a sling but is quite capable of using the appropriate changing room.

I don't hold much stock with 'the four year old wanted to get changed in there'. There are lots of things my two year wants to do his way, we don't do them all.

limitedperiodonly · 05/02/2014 13:51

I think ramping this up to a paranoid fantasy where the guy was there to perve is deeply alarmist and no help to those who have experienced sexual assault.

Are you saying that voyeurs do not exist and that their targets have not experienced sexual assault?

4PlusMum · 05/02/2014 13:52

That would have pissed me right off and I would have made a scene.

At the pool where DD has her swimming lessons, there is just one big unisex changing changing room and everyone goes into individual cubicles if they want to. Plus there are one or two bigger rooms which parents use to help kids change. The pool is attached to a rehabilitation centre (lovely warm water for DD) and it is arranged that way so that carers can assist those with disabilities. I was a bit Hmm when I first went but it actually works surprisingly well. There are always loads of staff around and I get no sense of anyone perving.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 13:52

like I said before you'd be happy for a young girl to be in MALE changing room with her dad?

Um... yeah.

I have three daughters.

Are you telling me that their father isn't allowed to take them swimming because men are such disgusting paedo pervs that it's not safe for them to be in a men's changing room even if the is with them??

Fucking seriously?

You have NO IDEA the kinds of people who are there.

That's true of all public places everywhere.

But most men are decent and good and not pervs (just like their Dad) and getting changed around them when he is there to supervise doesn't put them at any danger at all.

LittleBearPad · 05/02/2014 13:53

Yes Hello. If the four year old boy is with his mum he goes to the womens changing rooms

If he's with his dad he goes to the men's changing rooms

Swap four year old boy for four year old girl and the location they change in remains the same. Parents gender dictates changing room.

It isn't difficult.

And why wouldn't a four year old of either gender be ok in a men's changing room with their parent. What do you think will happen?

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