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Original poster

To think that if you are grown man at a swimming pool dressing your small daughter...

337 replies

2cats2many · 04/02/2014 19:09

..you should use the clearly marked, clean and almost-empty family change room rather than the women's change room?

I approached him and said quietly: "Do you know that you are in the women's change room?" To which he replied: "Yes, but she insists in coming in here and the alternative would be a big, screaming fight. I'm actually quite uncomfortable." He then made a swift exit.

Well, guess what- so are all the women who are using the changing room in the reasonable expectation that they would be able to get showered and changed in the mostly shared facilities (just a few cubicles) without being joined by a man.

In his position, I would have the big screaming fight.

OP posts:
Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 09:58

not what I am saying. Pointing out that you can't have it both ways. As you are all demonstrating. "I don't want a man perving at me" one minute. Then saying not all men are pervs when someone suggests he takes his young daughter into a men's changing room which by the way I'm not the only one to disagree with. Also for the last bloody time. No one on this thread thinks the Man was NBU. Some just simply stated he might have just might have made a mistake. OP told him. He swiftly left were her words in the original OP. I'm also pretty sure it won't be a regular occurence as I'm pretty sure in the throws of parenthood where we are all still learning. He simply made a mistake. Which he won't be doing again.

RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 05/02/2014 10:03

I am not sure what people are being exposed to here, that you dont see in the pool...

I mean to actually change clothes you go into a cubicle dont you?

What exactly would the man be gaining if say he was a peeping tom, from using female changing>

Same with men taking litle girls into womens loo's, if they use mens loo they are going to literally be exposed to men urinating and see them...however, in womens loos behind a cubile door....what is there exaclty to see expect women washing their hands? Confused

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 10:17

"I don't want a man perving at me" one minute. Then saying not all men are pervs when someone suggests he takes his young daughter into a men's changing room

That's not having it both ways.

That's recognising that adolescent and adult women like to be able to get dressed away from the male gaze that dominates our society.

Saying that men in a changing room will all be perving on little girls' bodies is saying something entirely different.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 10:20

What exactly would the man be gaining if say he was a peeping tom, from using female changing

Peeping Toms do try to look into female changing rooms.

Because they see female bodies uncovered and they don't have consent to do it.

Same with men taking litle girls into womens loo's, if they use mens loo they are going to literally be exposed to men urinating and see them

So?

What's wrong with seeing men urinate?

Men can't invade female-only spaces just so their daughters can be spared seeing men doing perfectly normal things.

This whole argument seems to have some very twisted undertones of little girls needing protection that little boys don't need and all men being monstrous paedos and that if a girl sees a penis she will be dirtied by the experience.

It's fucking weird.

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 10:24

Misspixietrix - exactly, and precisely. The reactions on her are completely over the top and hysterical and actually unhelpful to anyone that does have an issue around men and nudity. He made a mistake, he left. End of.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 10:25

He was leaving anyway.

And he didn't "make a mistake".

He thought that he had a right to enter a space specifically reserved for women on a completely flimsy pretext.

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 10:27

He thought that he had a right to enter a space specifically reserved for >women on a completely flimsy pretext

'flimsy pretext' implies he was there for nefarious reasons.

Misspixietrix · 05/02/2014 10:27

Yes it is having it both ways. For reasons I'm not prepared to go into on here as its a public forum and anyone can read it. All I will say is you wouldn't have got my 8yr old sister in a men's changing room wihout her having a nervous breakdown. Regardless of whether they were cubicles available in there for her to change in. I was simply responding to anothers posters comment and I fear I'm derailing the thread a little on here. So for the last time. Yes Man was BU. OP wasn't BU to tell him so. I'm pretty sure the man made a vert stupid mistake and I'm pretty sure he won't be doing it again. What with it being a mistake and all...

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 10:32

No, "flimsy pretext" implies that he did what he wanted and made up a crap excuse when challenged.

It says nothing at all about WHY he wanted to be in the women's changing room.

All I will say is you wouldn't have got my 8yr old sister in a men's changing room without her having a nervous breakdown.

Your 8 year old sister would be plenty old enough to go into the women's changing room on her own, presumably.

MinesAPintOfTea · 05/02/2014 10:44

Rain it would appear that these changing rooms were mostly communal, so yes women are fully undressed in the open areas.

OP yanbu

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/02/2014 10:45

Women's changing rooms are for:
Women
Girls
Boys under 8

Men's changing room are for:
Men
Boys
Girls under 8

If you have an opposite sex child over 8 who needs help changing due to SN then they should use the family or disabled changing area

So the man in the OP should have used family change or the men's.

RestingActress · 05/02/2014 10:47

"I am not sure what people are being exposed to here, that you dont see in the pool...

I mean to actually change clothes you go into a cubicle dont you?"

In one of our pools there is a large communal female changing area, with two cubicles for women who want to change in private, so it is very much a case of everything on show unless you wish to wait 20 mins for one of the cubicles.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 05/02/2014 10:48

All this goes to show that the best changing rooms are communal with lots of different sizes of cubicles to accommodate different situations. Most new pools I've seen tend to follow this idea.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 10:51

the best changing rooms are communal with lots of different sizes of cubicles to accommodate different situations.

Agree

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 10:54

The only mistake he made was pandering to a 4 year old.

He deliberately went against the rules to make his life easier with a 'fuck you' attitude to all of the women, teens & girls... no one in their right mind thinks that's acceptable.

Apple confuses me more though, she refuses to let her 8 year old son go in the womens because he's 8 and she is following the rules but she goes into the mens - does she think it's 'no between 8 & 10 year olds' fine for everyone else?? Boggling.

ChippingInWadesIn · 05/02/2014 10:57

Essentially his wishes (for an easy life) trumped everyone else's - wonder why he thought that was acceptable Hmm

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 10:57

made up a crap excuse

Well if it was an excuse, that implies it wasn't the 'true' reason

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 11:03

Well if it was an excuse, that implies it wasn't the 'true' reason

Nope, it implies that it wasn't a sufficient explanation.

He had no good reason to be there, just a flimsy excuse and his belief that he could do whatever the fuck he pleased.

Goldmandra · 05/02/2014 11:05

Can you not see the inconsistencies in those statements Gold. You can't have it both ways.

No. Not at all.

A small child being changed in a cubicle is out of sight of any male changers who may make her feel uncomfortable by looking at her if she is even aware enough to feel that.

A man walking around in a female changing room makes all the women changing in the communal area feel uncomfortable.

The two situations don't compare.

Clearly it would be better for everyone to be able to change where they feel comfortable which is why family changing rooms exist.

SlightlyTerrified · 05/02/2014 11:07

Goldmandra that was a typo - was supposed to day over 8s go in on their own or again in the family changing room ( with parents! )

poopadoop · 05/02/2014 11:10

For the last time, nobody said it was acceptable, but using terms like 'pretext' and 'flimsy excuse' are over the top, as it sounds like he knew he was wrong but was there for some perverse reason

JoinYourPlayfellows · 05/02/2014 11:12

If he knew he was doing wrong and did it anyway, then terms like "flimsy excuse" and "pretext" are entirely appropriate.

Goldmandra · 05/02/2014 11:25

Goldmandra that was a typo

OK. I thought it was odd.

limitedperiodonly · 05/02/2014 11:45

For the record, I don't think he was a perv and he did genuinely look uncomfortable. I think he was a bit spineless, stupid and, yes, entitled.

That is very charitable of you OP. I don't believe his excuse for a minute and if I saw him again I'd be straight on to the staff.

limitedperiodonly · 05/02/2014 12:01

In fact, I’m imagining a post in 20 years' time from someone saying: ‘My dad used to use me as an excuse to perve over women in the swimming pool changing rooms.’