Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to wish people would stop saying I've been 'groomed'?

142 replies

SnowyChloe · 03/02/2014 13:12

Okay, I'm young but I'm over the age of consent and I'm of very sound mind. I'm seeing a much older man, one reason being that I really like him and another reason being that he treats me a hell of a lot better than most guys around my own age have ever done.

The bad part is that some people who don't know him are moaning and saying he's 'groomed' me into his bed. Am I a little racehorse or something? I'm a human being and we're doing nothing illegal.

Why don't they just mind their own business and let two people get on with their lives?

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 03/02/2014 14:38

When I was 18 I had a 4 year relationship with a man who was 37. He was a lecturer at my college and although he was sophisticated and intelligent I ended up feeling v suffocated and trapped. It caused real problems with my education as I wanted so badly to go away to Uni and he wanted to get married and gave children. He was v manipulative saying that he would kill himself if I left. It wasn't till I was much older that I really realised how manipulative he was. We just wanted different things and I felt I missed out on an important stage of my development. He isolated me from my friends saying they weren't good enough for me. When I finally had the courage to leave he slept with an even younger girl that night and married her 6 weeks later. On my birthday! Be very careful...

Davsmum · 03/02/2014 14:43

If you are legal - you are legal, so no one can stop you.

Instead of moaning about people showing their worries and concerns, you should be mature about it and show them in your attitude and behaviour that you know what you are doing.
Don't defend yourself or attack them.
Tell them you understand their concern but you feel confident about your choice.

Of course it can work out - some of these big age gap relationships do - Sadly though, Statistics probably prove they often fail.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 03/02/2014 14:44

I can't tell if you're old enough to get married without parental consent, or to vote OP, but the way you express yourself suggests not. You seem to think that giving a perspective on 'much older man' shouldn't influence people's points of view and opinions. That flags up to me that you know it'll be unpalatable to most.

My parents had a 13 year age gap and my mother was mid 20s when they got together, but in their case it caused an awful lot of problems and it wasn't a happy marriage, not on her part anyway.

Interesting that you don't identify who these 'moaners' are? presumably people who care about you and your welfare.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 03/02/2014 14:45

This reminds me, when I was 19 I was with a 35 year old. I saw it was I needed a dad (didn't have one) and he was without his daughter (lived in different country to her) and 20+ years later that seems all kinds of wrong. At the time we had a relationship that was normal and his age was never relevant.

GlitzAndGiggles · 03/02/2014 14:47

I got with my dp at 16 and he's 9 years older. Nearly 6 years later and 1 dd we've been going through a rough patch. Its not age related arguments btw but you need to be careful. You should be happy that people care for you. Is he an OAP?

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 03/02/2014 15:19

One of my Dcs had a much older boyfriend once. It was embarrassing when he came round as he spent much more time talking to us than paying attention to her, but he presented himself as being around the same age
After they finished we let her in on the fact that we called him 'The Pensioner' and she could see it all then. Luckily she wasn't hurt at all by the experience and laughs it off now.
It was tough seeing them together though.

glasgowsteven · 03/02/2014 15:20

if you are a teenager and he is over 30 then he is an OAP!

MaryShelley · 03/02/2014 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViviPru · 03/02/2014 15:30

where you both hang out and rude your horses

ooo-er

squoosh · 03/02/2014 15:31

I'd love to rude a horse, but their kick is too strong.

ViviPru · 03/02/2014 15:34

(P.S. thanks Mary for some light relief - this thread was starting to get on my wick)

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 03/02/2014 15:54

Maybe you could find some wisdom in Taylor Swift OP.

MaryShelley · 03/02/2014 15:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOnlySeven · 03/02/2014 16:02

I take it OP isn't going to divulge their ages then?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 03/02/2014 16:02

Well, after your first post, I am not sure we are going to be much reassured by ride them. Wink

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 03/02/2014 16:03

Probably not.

I imagine she's probably around the 17 mark though.

TalisaMaegyr · 03/02/2014 16:07

I don't understand why you posted at all OP Confused

What are you trying to say/ask?

AnyFucker · 03/02/2014 16:10

You lot of oversharers just don't learn do you ?

You think this OP is really a teenage girl ?

Deary me.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 03/02/2014 16:11

tbh, I thought it was that kid who keeps coming on trying to make us agree that a 17 year old is an adult.

WanderingAway · 03/02/2014 16:13

I would say that age difference relationships can work but as with all relationships it depends on the two people.

I have known a 15 yr and a 10 yr age gap relationships that have both worked. Both of the younger party were mature which i think helped.

squoosh · 03/02/2014 16:16

I don't think anyone has shared anything particularly titillating.

ViviPru · 03/02/2014 16:18

apart from the equine kinkiness

MNHQ
AmyMumsnet · 03/02/2014 16:23

Hi all,

We have reason to believe that the OP isn't genuine, but as a lot of you have shared very interesting insights on the thread we're inclined to let it stand.

If you think it would be better to zap it, please do report it and let us know and we'll have another look.

squoosh · 03/02/2014 16:25

'apart from the equine kinkiness'

Ah yes, the love that dare not neigh its name.

AnyFucker · 03/02/2014 16:26

I didn't mean titillating but frankly haven't we all got better things to do with our time than reply to what looks like an obvious wind up ?

It's like having a pretend conversation with a cardboard cut out

Go give some support to genuine people, for christ's sake