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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not mind what my DCs grow up to be

93 replies

Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:04

I obviously don't mean murderer or abusive partner or spiteful friend.

Career wise however I just don't care. I'd be as happy with a checkout worker and a SAHP as I would be with a doctor and a lawyer.

AIBU? Genuinely, as many of my friends have expectations for their kids - I don't.

OP posts:
LedareAnsley · 02/02/2014 20:05

I'm happy as long as they are.

DS (6) wants to be a computer Hmm Grin

WelshMaenad · 02/02/2014 20:05

'Happy' is all I'm going to gun for.

Annunziata · 02/02/2014 20:07

YANBU.

I want my DC to be happy, to afford the rent or mortgage, a takeaway on a Friday night and a holiday in the summer.

AGoodPirate · 02/02/2014 20:07

I've told them a thousand times, it's civil engineering, or if not, I won't love them beyond the age of 25.

ToriaPumpkin · 02/02/2014 20:09

Happy is about my level of input too. I'm sure my parents never envisioned their only child getting married at 21, leaving university with a fairly useless degree and becoming a SAHM but neither of them have ever criticised my choices or made me feel I haven't lived up to their expectations. If my children have a relationship like I have with my mother and are happy with their choices then I'll feel I've succeeded.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 02/02/2014 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cardibach · 02/02/2014 20:09

YANBU. Happy is good. DD (18) has been through many career ideas but has settled on Occupational Therapy. She will never be rich, but I'm proud of the thought processes that lead her there. I also want to be one - why did nobody tell me about that at school?

Ubik1 · 02/02/2014 20:09

Yup. I would like them to do something useful or fulfilling. Am not bothered about status. And yes happy and healthy. And come to visit their old mum occasionally.

yolothankgod · 02/02/2014 20:10

I'm the same as long as he is happy

Though last time I asked he wanted to be a train Hmm

I had hoped if he didn't do well at school he would go in the Army/Navy/Airforce unfortunately ge is severely asthmatic & almost blind in one eye .

As long as he is happy and can pay the bills that's all that matters

Topseyt · 02/02/2014 20:10

All I want is a happy and contented family. I am not bothered what they grow up to be. To me they will always be my lovely children even when they are adults and that is all that matters.

NormHonal · 02/02/2014 20:11

I'm aiming for happy, healthy and independent - able to support themselves financially.

If that's as a plumber or a scientist or a footballer (pleasegodno) or a dentist or an accountant or a checkout worker, so be it.

ChoudeBruxelles · 02/02/2014 20:12

So long as he does something I don't mind. Don't want him just bumming around.

fishermansfriend · 02/02/2014 20:13

I had quite ambitious hopes for my DD when she was born and in her early years - very bright, early reader, I thought something scientific or engineering would be ideal. Fast forward to teen years and she's now a school-refusing diagnosed Aspie at a special school, and unlikely to pass any GCSEs. I'm investigating supported living options or council housing and details about disability benefits in adulthood for her, as she'll likely be one of the 85% of adults with autism who never work full time and never be fully independent. But if she can only deal with the anxiety and not develop more mental illness (as so many on the spectrum do) then I would definitely be happy with that.

Helpyourself · 02/02/2014 20:13

Happy and fulfilled. They're all bright and feisty, so I doubt they'll be happy if they're not fulfilled.
And quite lazy, so I think it'll be a bumpy ride. Hmm
But no, degree,house, marriage- no expectations.

Original poster
Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:14

I'd be happy with a bummer-around, if they were able to support said bumming-around. But they wouldn't!

OP posts:
PollyIndia · 02/02/2014 20:33

Oh my god, I could not agree more! He is only 15 months and I really hope I can strike the right balance between supporting him in what he wants t do, but giving him space to find his own path. As long as he is happy and fulfilled, I do not care what he does. However I don't think bumming around makes anyone happy or fulfilled, so that cuts that out!

Original poster
Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:38

Well - if I won the lottery I wild happily bum around Grin

But for 'normal' people, agreed.

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 02/02/2014 20:39

YADNBU. I feel the same when I look at my 20 week old dd.

She can choose her own career / path in life and I'll support her.

MorrisZapp · 02/02/2014 20:45

Two sides to this. My parents were 70s liberals who believed in laid back/ unstructured/ hands off parenting. They felt we'd find our own paths, which we have done.

We're all fine and we had a great childhood, but none of us has matched our intelligence to our careers. We do ok, but I often wonder what might have been if I'd been pushed a bit. My dad actually mentioned this and said it makes him feel guilty, in retrospect.

So yes, of course my main concern is that my child is happy. But I'd so, so love for him to be able to do something he loves, is good at, and/ or makes the world a better place.

Instead of just getting by.

dyslexicdespot · 02/02/2014 20:45

My mother always told me that all she ever wanted was for me to be happy in life. Unfortunately, we all know that this is an impossibility. That is, to always be happy with the choices you make and the circumstances you live in and under.

I'm not sure what I want for DS, but I think it has something to do with being able to manage being unhappy without unravelling.

Biscuitsneeded · 02/02/2014 20:47

I don't think I mind. At least, not in terms of earnings or prestige or anything like that. I always said I hoped they wouldn't go for the military or choose anything dangerous, and lo and behold DS1 (nearly 9) has switched from wanting to be an archaeologist to wanting to be an RAF search and rescue helicopter pilot! DS 2 wants to design computer games. I think he might actually do that! Wouldn't be my choice at all but if it makes him happy I will welcome his choice.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 02/02/2014 20:50

I also just want them to feel happy and fulfilled. I'll encourage them to work hard at school so they get decent grades and have more options available to them. I couldn't hack exams, my grades were abysmal and I believe it's scuppered my chances of ever earning 'decent' money. I don't want that for them though I also don't want to pressure them.

Thetallesttower · 02/02/2014 20:51

I have a slightly different take on this- I think fulfilling your ambitions can make you happier, so I would want my children to be able to set their mind to what they want and stand some chance of getting it or finding ways to recreate it. If that's sitting on a checkout, and doing art in their spare time, that would be fine. I don't imagine they would find that fulfilling on its own however, given their wide imaginations and academic skills as indeed I'm sure most people on the checkout dont- they usually do it for far more pragmatic reasons, money fits in with school, few other options.

I think there is a danger, as dyslexicdespot points out, in saying 'I just want my children to be happy'. If you read the boards, you will see that many people are a bit unhappy and even more are really very unhappy. AD prescriptions are at an all time high in society. If you are going to feel a failure if your children are unhappy you are setting yourself up for a fall, because chances are, even mostly happy people have periods of stress or depression or unhappiness or grief as this is part of the human condition. I'm not saying I will be happy if my children are unhappy, I won't and I'll feel guilty, but I don't expect them to always be happy and I may have to come to terms like my mother with the fact that at least one of her children is deeply and permanently unhappy./

beanandspud · 02/02/2014 20:53

DS is planning to be a professional rugby player and a spaceman so I reckon he has the balance about right Grin.

Seriously though, I would like him to do something that means he is happy, can afford a house, food, bills, family, and still have some money for holidays/treats. I don't really mind what he does but rightly or wrongly I do expect him to work for it. I can't phrase it very well but there is part of me that feels strongly about him 'fulfilling his potential' whatever that might be.

diamondlizard · 02/02/2014 20:54

Dyslexic what an interesting pov

I think your onto something there

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