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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really not mind what my DCs grow up to be

93 replies

Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:04

I obviously don't mean murderer or abusive partner or spiteful friend.

Career wise however I just don't care. I'd be as happy with a checkout worker and a SAHP as I would be with a doctor and a lawyer.

AIBU? Genuinely, as many of my friends have expectations for their kids - I don't.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/02/2014 21:45

Its just relative.

I will be happy if my DD is toilet trained and doesnt need someone to change her nappy.

So you may all say you dont mind what your kids do but you are starting from a pretty high baseline..like not minding them working on a checkout.

That's a huge achievement.

So I think you all do care really. As you should.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/02/2014 21:46

Or someone I see would mind them working on a checkout. There really are much worse things.

MammaTJ · 02/02/2014 21:46

My DStD is a SAHM at age 30 but has amazed me by returning to education, DD 1 is getting married this year, age 19, rather than going to uni! DD2 and DS will do as they please! I have been well trained to accept it!

BackforGood · 02/02/2014 21:46

I think the "easy answer" is to just say 'I dont mind as long as they are happy' but, I agree with those saying that I really would like mine to have qualifications that mean they have the opportunity to earn more, and therefore have more choices in life. It's a bit like people who say 'money doesnt make you happy' - I agree it doesnt in itself, but it is a lot easier to be happy in relative comfort than in abject poverty.

Vixxxen · 02/02/2014 21:50

That is what my mum always said to me...

A part that she never gave me any real emotional support, never listened to me, never educated me towards relationships and let me make as much mistakes as possible regarding my education because she wanted me to be free and make my own decisions

In reality she couldn't be bothered.

No mum, it wasn't a good idea to let me leave my fee paying secondary school and let me move myself to a failing school where the teachers didn't even show up (normal in my home country) just because you thought I was old enough to take my own decisions and learn from my mistakes.

You didn't care mum. You didn't have the ability to understand that I was probably needed attention or was testing to see if anyone cared. Besides my sister was the intelligent golden child and I was the failure. This was written in my forehead when I was born.

So yes, I want my daughter to chose her path and just to be happy but I will make sure I will be challenging her and offering options and food for thought all the way, instead of letting her just get by, like my husband do.

Wincher · 02/02/2014 21:50

Just discussed this with my Dh and he suggested the following lines of terry pratchett as what he hopes for our sons. Slightly divergent from the topic as it's not about a job but I liked it.

Strength enough to build a home,
Time enough to hold a child,
Love enough to break a heart

steppemum · 02/02/2014 21:51

I remember talking to my great aunt when I was a teenager. She told me that she was disappointed with all her kids as none of them have a ''proper job'' by which she meant teacher. lawyer, doctor. All her kids were in happy settled relationships, had lovely kids and were all working at interesting jobs that they enjoyed, one was a phd student at the time.

I was gobsmacked at how odd her expectations were.

spongebobsmallpants · 02/02/2014 21:53

I'd support what ever she chooses just like my parents have done with me

Laquitar · 02/02/2014 21:54

Hmm i would prefer that they are in demand so they have some kind of security and they never come to a point ti be hungry or homeless.

Many posters mentioned check out. The problem i havewith that is not snobism and about using brain and such bs but about high unemployment, zero hours contracts etc. You cant be happy if you are cashier and you are offered 10 hrs pw and rents rising every minute.

shallweshop · 02/02/2014 21:54

Wincher - love that quote!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/02/2014 21:58

If my DC can be happy through life most of the time that would be not only OK but absolutely fabulous!

I hope to be a listening ear (and shoulder to cry on when needed) so they can choose good options along the way in work and love - ones that suit them and are right for them.

I think I will have slightly less expectations but hopefully just be there a bit more than my DPs have been - but I think that's partly a generational thing.

springlamb · 02/02/2014 21:58

Having ridden the rollercoaster and been through the mill a few times, I don't care what the DC end up doing. I hope they are self-supporting and I really hope they are at peace with themselves.
I think it really is OK just to be OK. Of course, I don't tell them that.
To live a life where you support your family unit financially, physically and emotionally, where you have friendships not competitions with other people over what house/car/clothes you have, where you have stuff to look forward to, that's not such a bad place to be.

justgirl · 02/02/2014 22:00

I'm with you. I don't mind either. My son currently wants to be a cowboy when he grows up :-/

stillenacht · 02/02/2014 22:00

I'm the same. DH and I are both teachers. Would never want DS1 to get a degree to be a teacher. Half the time when I'm promoting getting a degree to pupils at work I'm thinking "Don't bother, just get out there. Look how far I got with a first from a good Uni. Part time teacher whoop de doo". Nope I would be delighted if DS1 trained in anything that makes him happy.

ashamedoverthinker · 02/02/2014 22:01

Ideally I want them to have a uni education and go into a job that provides well that they enjoy - I think minimising financial stress is one thing as life is hard in other ways. But tbh this also stems from them taking advantage of opportunities that DH and I had to fight for without parental support.

However this is not what I worry about. I worry about their personal development, whether they will have good friends and partners.

stillenacht · 02/02/2014 22:03

Omg if DS2 ever got to work on a checkout. I would die with pride he has low functioning autism.

TamerB · 02/02/2014 22:06

I made sure they got the opportunities and gave them the support- what they did with it was up to them. I can't see any point in mapping their life out, it never works in my experience.

mrspremise · 02/02/2014 22:07

My DS7 currently can't decide between inventor, farmer and doctor. Ds9 wants to be a pelican. I've tried to point out that this is unlikely to be a realistic career choice, but he won't have it

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 02/02/2014 22:11

Happy - this means they need choices, and for me, this means bringing them up and educating them as best as I can so that they have as many options as possible.

Chippednailvarnish · 02/02/2014 22:14

I've worked on a checkout and it was poorly paid and dull.

I wouldn't be happy if my dc's career was doing this, as they are capable of doing something much more forefilling and enriching.

At the end of the day I want my Dc's to have a life without worrying about covering their basic living expenses, and working on a checkout doesn't.

springlamb · 02/02/2014 22:16

I get you Stillenacht.
My DS has quad cp and will never get to do what he really wants to do because his hands won't let him.
DD can be anything she wants to be and it's a big ole world out there as I keep telling her whilst trying to rip iPad out of her hands!

Amrapaali · 02/02/2014 22:17

Career-wise not too fussed. But the only thing I want DD to take on into adulthood is mental resilience. And a quiet confidence.

stillenacht · 02/02/2014 22:34

Chippednailvarnish

As a teen I worked on checkout at Sainsburys. Now as a teacher I look on that job on the checkout as the best I had. If it paid the same as teaching I'd be back in my orange uniform

Fancyashandy · 02/02/2014 22:34

I do mind and would be disappointed if they ended up working behind a check out. I want them to be happy, confident and healthy above all else and I doubt check out OP would do that, TBH.

Chippednailvarnish · 02/02/2014 22:39

Maybe teaching isn't for you still !

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