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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really not mind what my DCs grow up to be

93 replies

Comessyouare14 · 02/02/2014 20:04

I obviously don't mean murderer or abusive partner or spiteful friend.

Career wise however I just don't care. I'd be as happy with a checkout worker and a SAHP as I would be with a doctor and a lawyer.

AIBU? Genuinely, as many of my friends have expectations for their kids - I don't.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 02/02/2014 22:40

I want mine to be content not happy as no one can be happy all the time. I personally loved shop work _ I think part of enjoying a job is the other people you work with. And in a mundane job you can be thinking about all sorts & your job ends when your shift does leaving the rest of the time uncluttered for whatever it is that you like to do be it time with the family, hobbies etc,

JugglingFromHereToThere · 02/02/2014 22:41

BTW I bet most (more than half) of daughters will be both SAHMs and work on a check out at some point (including being on maternity leave)
I've worked in 3 shops, including Oxfam one summer, even though I'd never think of myself as having worked in retail particularly.
Our DC will tend to have even more varied work and life patterns I would guess.

Laquitar · 02/02/2014 22:46

I too enjoyed working at supermarket, although it wad only for short period. Maybe i'm dull. Grin.

But my dn was trying last year to get a job at supermarket and she couldn't. It was competitive and most applicants had degrees. Thats my point. That you cannot get it any more. My aunt worked all her life in the same supermarket.full time. She had job security and she raised a family with that job.

I want my dcs to have jobs and trades that are in demand. I dont care if that job is academic or not and if they use their brains, or their hands or their feet.
As long as there is work in their field.

stillenacht · 02/02/2014 22:52

Chipped I love teaching most of the time. Sadly teaching is only about 30% of the job nowadays

manicinsomniac · 02/02/2014 22:55

switch to the independent sector stillenacht - at least 85% of the job is still about the teaching (if you include extra curricular as teaching which I do).

Fancyashandy · 02/02/2014 22:57

Those who are all nostalgic that worked probably part time on a check out as a teen - would you really have wanted to do that same job year in year out for the money it pays? Why not go back to it then?

Megrim · 02/02/2014 22:58

If DS1 does not become a highly overpaid paid actuary and earn gazillions to keep me in wine in my dotage fulfill his need for several Lamborghinis, I will have to use the DISAPPOINTED word.

DS2 plans to be an astronaut. Or possibly a security guard. On a moon base. Or a dolphin.

sbmumtobe · 02/02/2014 23:02

Before my accident I thought my DD would only be happy if she was successful academically and career-wise.

After my accident I went through therapy to work out life stuff.

The most important thing I want for my DD is to be stable. That's stability in everything: in herself, her finances, her relationships etc. Through stability one finds contentment.

You get very unhappy Doctors and Lawyers you know - very stressful jobs, unsociable hours and other pressures.

sbmumtobe · 02/02/2014 23:03

I should add that I have a friend who married a rich man and is a SAHM and she has the best life I know! She gets time with her kids, she goes to art classes and has a loving family life.

stillenacht · 02/02/2014 23:06

Fancyashandy.. Yes I was of course part time but what I miss about the job is (1) it being a job not a 'vocation' (2) getting paid overtime (3) Christmas bonuses (albeit little) (4) getting recognised if you were good at your job (5) Doing a job where the goalposts weren't continually shifting (6) Doing a job which society doesn't have any opinion about really... But as I say, the money isn't as good.

sbmumtobe · 02/02/2014 23:10

The best job I had was working in a big bookshop. It was great! I am a big reader and working there, I met like-minded people interested in learning and literature.

But... Salary was crap!! Had to find a better paid job when I realised I could not raise a family on it.

Laquitar · 02/02/2014 23:10

Fancy,
If it paid a bit more and if i was offered enough hours then i wouldn't mind going back.
But as it is it is very hard to raise a family on that job where i am in London. Thats my point, for md its not about status but about paying the bills.

hollyhunter · 02/02/2014 23:12

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” john lennon

Purplehonesty · 03/02/2014 11:33

Ds wants to be a policeman like daddy. I really hope he isn't as the shifts mess up any family life you have. But if he is I'd be very proud!
I think dd will be in fashion as at 19mo she is rather vocal about what she wears!
If they are both happy ill be happy. Don't mind if they go to Uni although it would be nice for them to have a career that they love rather than a job.

Original poster

Comessyouare14 · 03/02/2014 18:01

It isn't even about them being happy: I know they will be unhappy, sometimes, I recognise that.

If what they wanted was a career I'd be behind them all the way, but I also would with whatever they did. I just love them so much I think everything they do is fantastic - I am just so proud of what they are (polite, keen, happy, cheerful, silly) I can't imagine being disappointed with what they become or what route in life they go down. I don't mind if they mess up at school - I mind if they mind - but one of my daughters is struggling and while I try to support her, I don't feel any more ashamed of a lower level of achievement than her peers than I would of (say) one of them not being a fast runner or talented dancer.

We're all different, right?

OP posts:

brooncoo · 03/02/2014 18:46

I think it's all about reaching your potential whatever that maybe. I feel that I Massively underachieved - I know I did and should have done much better and it has haunted me somewhat over the years. My children are bright - I don't want them struggling financially - especially in this climate and god knows what it will be like in the future for them. With that though, I also want them to have choices and hopefully enjoy their work whatever it is. I don't think working all their working life as a check out operator will do that and I would be disappointed if they did.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 03/02/2014 18:55

You sound like an absolutely lovely Mum Comess, and thanks for starting the thread - I think it's such a lovely approach to have.
I think I still worry slightly too much about how well my DC will do ... dd has GCSE's approaching next year, and then A levels to choose, then ds will be going through it all too.
I think it is a real parenting challenge to get the balance right in supporting them through these coming years. You remind me that a lot of it has to be down to them, but I can offer support and be someone to listen as they work it all out

wonderingsoul · 03/02/2014 19:09

i dont think i could ever be disapointed or ashamed of them.. but i do have dreams and hopes for them.

i would like them to follow a carear, not to have to worry about money, have a job that they love.

BUT the underlying thing that i want is for them to be happy most of the time and stable, if that means being a cleaner or working in a supermarket.. i wouldnt love them any less nor would i be disaponted.

i do think its natural to want them to have better than what you have as a parents been through or have.

ds1 wants to be a professional rugy player aswell as a taxi driver

ds2 wants to be a gingerbreadman. .... it was orgionall a doctor....

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