I think DH is being a dick

[6tantrumsaday]

That really he swears he is being totally reasonable though.

DH works 5 days a week 8-6 his job is sometimes stressful but mostly it is pretty calm. I am pretty much a SAHM too our 2 DCs and 2 DSS I also work 8am till 1pm in a local shop 3 days a week. I do most of the childcare during the week and a lot during the weekend too because DH has a hobby which takes him away most of Saturday. Now usually DH is appreciates what I do, and helps out with the DCs when he is here.

This week our youngest DC has been really sick with a tummy bug which I then caught, I stopped being ill on Friday night but I still feel awful and I can't eat much. I called him on Saturday whilst he was in his hobby and asked him to bring some frozen stuff home to feed the DCs as I didn't really want to cook. He didn't, he then complained because I asked him to pay for a takeaway as I haven't had the chance to get money out.

Today I told him I wasn't going to make a roast dinner because I don't feel like cooking all day plus me our youngest DC won't eat it and DSS1 looks like he is coming down with it and probably won't want it either. Plus we don't have any of the food for it in the house because I didn't get a chance to go shopping.

He threw a complete hissy fit, saying he always looked forward to it all week and I had spoilt his weekend. I said he could make it if he wants and I would make a list of stuff for him to buy. He said it was my job and he hates cooking anyway. I said I was just going to make pasta or something easy. He said I was taking the piss and he would make the dinner then. He stormed out with the shopping list but came back 5 minutes later saying he didn't want to anymore and he was just going to clean his car.

DSS1 was sick just before 12 so I started cleaning him up then youngest DC was sick so I called DH through to help and he kept grumbling saying this should all be my job and he earns all the money so I should cook and clean. I told him to stop being a big baby and just deal with it. He said I needed to act like a better wife and he worked so.much harder than me. Then he just walked out and left me with two upset DCs. He has gone on his push bike so probably won't be back for ages.

This happens about once every few months after he has had a stressful week in work he gets grumpy and angry over the slightest thing. He goes on his bike pushes himself too hard and comes back home even more grumpy and falls asleep on the sofa. Then tomorrow morning he will be really sorry and try to make up for it.

Usually I just accept it and move on but this week I am so tired of everything I just want to tell him he was being a dick and its not okay to behave like that ever.
So AIBU or not because he has had a hard week but so have I and I am not behaving like that.

My ex was like this. Would throw a wobbly. Over time I started to lose respect for him and in the end it was quite a big factor in the ending of our marriage. I didn't like being spoken to like that. (I should clarify, he had an affair but due to this type of behaviour I couldn't get him out of the house fast enough!)

He only kicks up a fuss when you stop doing what he tells you and expects you to do OP. That's why he "appreciates" what you do the rest of the time -- because you're obeying him, like he thinks you should.

It's a unanimous YABNU but don't be fooled, your responses to people's outrage on this thread is pretty mild. Just be aware that hardly anyone else's DH would do the things that your DH does. So you should be a bit tougher on him, do not allow yourself to feel sympathy for this man-child and for god's sake don't start making excuses for him either. You are getting screwed over royally in every way, meanwhile he lives like a king and he knows it. He's controlling and bullying you, it's borderline abuse.

He's an utter prick so please don't start saying "oh he's great helping out with his own kids" as a way of justifying his strops. Be absolutely certain about this: he thinks of you as his skivvy ALL THE TIME, not just on his bad weeks. It's just that most weeks he's savvy and cool enough to hide it.

"The DSSs mum left them all 8 years ago because she didn't want a family interestingly DH was a SAHD at this time and she was the only earner."
I'd wonder about this a bit, if that was how it really played out. I presume, OP, that everything you know about her came via him? I'm imagining a very resentful SAHD thinking that he should be out working and 'being the 1950s man'; being a complete bastard to live with and her being convinced by him that she wouldn't get custody as he was the primary carer. Sorry OP but that just seems to me to be more in keeping with a man who "kept grumbling saying this should all be my job and he earns all the money so I should cook and clean". He takes out the stresses of his job on you; I think everyone posting here would agree that being a SAHP can be just as stressful (and then some) than paid work, so I would think he took out his SAHD-stress on his first wife too. It just seems more likely to me .

To paraphrase a famous Oscar Wilde quote - To drive one wife away, 6tantrumsaday's DH, may be regarded as a misfortune; to drive two away looks like carelessness.

How are things this morning? Did you get a chance to talk?