Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think DH is being a dick

104 replies

6tantrumsaday · 02/02/2014 12:38

That really he swears he is being totally reasonable though.

DH works 5 days a week 8-6 his job is sometimes stressful but mostly it is pretty calm. I am pretty much a SAHM too our 2 DCs and 2 DSS I also work 8am till 1pm in a local shop 3 days a week. I do most of the childcare during the week and a lot during the weekend too because DH has a hobby which takes him away most of Saturday. Now usually DH is appreciates what I do, and helps out with the DCs when he is here.

This week our youngest DC has been really sick with a tummy bug which I then caught, I stopped being ill on Friday night but I still feel awful and I can't eat much. I called him on Saturday whilst he was in his hobby and asked him to bring some frozen stuff home to feed the DCs as I didn't really want to cook. He didn't, he then complained because I asked him to pay for a takeaway as I haven't had the chance to get money out.

Today I told him I wasn't going to make a roast dinner because I don't feel like cooking all day plus me our youngest DC won't eat it and DSS1 looks like he is coming down with it and probably won't want it either. Plus we don't have any of the food for it in the house because I didn't get a chance to go shopping.

He threw a complete hissy fit, saying he always looked forward to it all week and I had spoilt his weekend. I said he could make it if he wants and I would make a list of stuff for him to buy. He said it was my job and he hates cooking anyway. I said I was just going to make pasta or something easy. He said I was taking the piss and he would make the dinner then. He stormed out with the shopping list but came back 5 minutes later saying he didn't want to anymore and he was just going to clean his car.

DSS1 was sick just before 12 so I started cleaning him up then youngest DC was sick so I called DH through to help and he kept grumbling saying this should all be my job and he earns all the money so I should cook and clean. I told him to stop being a big baby and just deal with it. He said I needed to act like a better wife and he worked so.much harder than me. Then he just walked out and left me with two upset DCs. He has gone on his push bike so probably won't be back for ages.

This happens about once every few months after he has had a stressful week in work he gets grumpy and angry over the slightest thing. He goes on his bike pushes himself too hard and comes back home even more grumpy and falls asleep on the sofa. Then tomorrow morning he will be really sorry and try to make up for it.

Usually I just accept it and move on but this week I am so tired of everything I just want to tell him he was being a dick and its not okay to behave like that ever.
So AIBU or not because he has had a hard week but so have I and I am not behaving like that.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 02/02/2014 16:16

He is a cunt. Sorry op but he is. Whatever happened to being a team? Never mind the fact that 2 of the children aren't even yours. Cunt. Of the highest order.

6tantrumsaday · 02/02/2014 16:24

I feel like the timetable would work until he has another stressful week and then we would have another day like this.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 02/02/2014 16:25

Hmm he doesn't really have any respect for you does he?

I would go on strike after a come to jesus meeting with him until he pulled his socks up and stopped acting like Lord of the manor with staff.

kotinka · 02/02/2014 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hamptoncourt · 02/02/2014 16:35

If you work one more hour a week you can swap him for tax credits.

kotinka · 02/02/2014 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Diamondjoan · 02/02/2014 16:43

Complete dick and a bully to boot. You want to have a serious chat to him.

Mellowandfruitful · 02/02/2014 18:49

So you're not supposed to sit in the lord and master's chair or get in the way of his tv viewing either? He really does think the rest of his family are lesser beings. What an awful attitude. Don't let this be smoothed over until some serious change takes place.

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 18:58

Fuck having a serious chat with him, kick the tosser out. He is a bully and a fuckwit - how dare he treat you and his children so badly.

You already have 4 children, you do not need a stroppy man-teen to boot

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 18:59

Also, you might want to think about getting this thread moved to relationships. I think it's pretty unanimous that yanbu Sad

BingoWingsBeGone · 02/02/2014 18:59

I'm not sure it is the stress thing tbh, I think you normally keep everything working so well and have roasts on the table when he expects them that he has nothing to moan about.

It is the fact that this level of amazingness can't be maintained when you are ill/run down that his 'happy' veneer slips.

I work 3 days and probably manage a planned meal on the table 3 or 4 days a week; the rest of the the dh cooks or we both pitch in or eat crackers and cheese.

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 19:04

Even if he is stressed, that is no excuse. And I say that as someone who has been deeply stressed and down (and deeply depressed) - it is no excuse for making your partner's life a misery

saulaboutme · 02/02/2014 19:09

Yanbu, sorry he is an utter utter shit treating you like this. Can I ask how old is he? He sounds Victorian!

My dh would pay a hefty price if he did this.

Please just look after yourself and dcs and fuck his fucking dinner!!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 02/02/2014 19:10

Just get rid of the twat.

DH works. I don't. He would never say any of this shit to me and he certainly wouldn't get to say it twice yet you put up with it over and over again.

He is a dick.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 02/02/2014 19:15

He told you to move? ShockSad[strong].

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 02/02/2014 19:16

Hmm I meant Angry but maybe it was subliminal and you need to be strong.

StealthToddler · 02/02/2014 19:22

Yes he is being a dick.

KeatsiePie · 02/02/2014 20:03

I really can't believe he came home and rather than apologizing told you to get out of his chair Angry

I think you mentioned couples counseling earlier? I know I always recommend it but I think it's a good idea. He seems to have a really strong unwarranted sense of entitlement sort of running along underneath and presumably a good counselor could point that out and help him get rid of it. I mean, if he can't get rid of it then you'll have to decide whether you want to put up with it (I hope you won't), but seems like it would be worthwhile to find out first whether he's willing to change.

ohfourfoxache · 02/02/2014 20:10

Yellowdinosaur is spot on

DoJo · 02/02/2014 20:18

Is there nothing about having poorly children that makes him want to swoop them up in his arms and do whatever he can to make them feel better, even if it is just loving them and wiping their little faces when they feel sick? Is there nothing about living with someone he's supposed to love more than anyone in the world that makes him want to relieve you of as much pressure as he can to help you recover? Is there no part of being a husband or father that actually penetrates his world of 'I want what I want, and if I don't get it there will be hell to pay.' It sounds like nobody can be happy unless he is happy, and if not having a roast dinner for one weekend is enough to upset his delicate balance, then quite honestly FUCK THAT!
Also, just so you know - if he deigns to spend some time with his children or do some housework he is not 'helping', he is contributing to the running of a house that he lives in. There is no excuse for him to treat you and his children like you don't matter, and if I were you I would be seriously considering whether I wanted my children to grow up with this role model in their lives. Imagine how awful it would be to see your children treating their partners this way, or to see them being treated this way because they think it's normal.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 02/02/2014 21:51

He is being a dick.
I don't just mean this one occasion.
Everything in this whole relationship is wrong.
So sorry you're putting up with this OP, but you don't have to.
LTB.

tilliebob · 02/02/2014 22:23

My DH would come back from his hissy fit and find the doors locked. Or I'd pass him in the doorway on my way out as I flounced out for some time to myself and see how he liked it.

After nearly 30 years together, my DH has never said anything is "my job". Apart from the fact he doesn't think like that, he'd know it would probably the last thing he ever said AngryAngry.

falulahthecat · 02/02/2014 23:17

I hate to say it but it sounds like he uses you as his 'whipping boy' every now and then, and is being a completely insensitive prick.
I wouldn't stand for anything like that, sounds like you have an extra kid to look after - I actually shuddered when you said he said "I spoiled his entire weekend" - what a brat!

falulahthecat · 02/02/2014 23:20

sorry didn't get all my anger out on the other post "He has had a hard week"

fluffypillow · 02/02/2014 23:26

You don't deserve to be treated like that. Hope you and the children are feeling better soon.

He is a total dick.