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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking a 4 day stag is excessive?

95 replies

Snufflebabe05 · 02/02/2014 07:49

Oh and I have a 3 year old toddler and a 5 month old baby. Baby still wakes several times a night.

OH is going on a stag in may for 4 days and 3 nights.

To be honest, the thought of doing 3 nights by myself fills me with dread. Baby is a grumpy wee soul, cries for the majority of the day. I countdown the minutes until 7/8pm when OH gets home from work as; even though both girls are in bed, I have some help.

The other issue is that whenever OH has a stag, he ends up working extra hours before and after, so he is around even less than he is usually.

I just want someone else to tell me that it is excessive when you have two little ones at home.

OP posts:

rubyslippers · 02/02/2014 07:51

Yes it is and I bet it expensive too

I would suggest he goes for half of it

Also your baby may be sleeping better by May

financialwizard · 02/02/2014 07:55

It is excessive, and I doubt my husband would even consider going for that length of time but to be honest I don't think I'd be bothered if it was a one off. However I am used to him being away for extended periods of time for work so am probably more used to it.

FamiliesShareGerms · 02/02/2014 07:56

DH has been invited on a four day stag do to Magaluf. I'm fine with the kids on my own, it's not that, but I'm having trouble explaining to him why it seems excessive and self-indulgent to expect a group of your friends to disappear overseas for four days.

I'm having a separate conversation about the strip clubs mentioned in the invitation email

Taffeta · 02/02/2014 07:59

Sounds usual TBH, and over the years, esp when ours were little, he went. Sometimes for a day less but usually the whole trip. I sucked it up.

I am getting my revenge now. DC are 7 & 10 and in the last six months, I've had two trips with girlfriends. Only during the weekend, mind, but man! The fuss he's made.

ShoeSmacking · 02/02/2014 08:02

Yanbu. 4 days is excessive. And completely unfair if you have two small kids. I assume you won't be getting a four day break without the kids anyone soon ? I don't understand how men think this ok.

Taffeta, I think you've been conned . If he was regularly going away for four days and you are only getting a short weekend now, you are definitely on the bum end of the deal!

oohdaddypig · 02/02/2014 08:02

YANBU

These 4 day stags seem commonplace now but really piss me off. Self indulgent expensive mini holiday piss ups with the "oh you could go away too" knowing full well we won't/can't.

It's hard work when second baby is that small OP. can you get some help?

TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89 · 02/02/2014 08:03

Suppose it depends on the context, for example my brother's stag do is the 3 peaks challenge so it will take 4 days. However, a trip to Magaluf (or similar) when you have young, exhausting, children at home is not acceptable IMO.

I assume he would be happy for you to go off on a hen night for 4 days?

woodlandwanderwoman · 02/02/2014 08:03

Sounds a bit much to me. Could you try to make the most of abut of time to yourself? For those few days, prepare all the meals etc in advance (when he is home to help you), get an online shop if you need, and clear your diary other than essentials or maybe seeing a friend with kids to tire the toddler out? Try to switch off to the housework and do it together when he gets back. Get yourself some bath oils and a book instead.

I would also be making sure that this worked both ways and tell him that if he is having four days away, you would like a day to yourself at a spa or somewhere to relax.

Also echo that by May baby will be much better at sleeping xx

SpikeHairandFab · 02/02/2014 08:04

About year ago I was in similar situation , I have teenager ,3 yo and 5 months baby who was very demanding at the time and I simply said no I'm not staying with all that all by myself . DH prptested a bit at the beginning ,but after I suggested that I will go for the following

AnnaLegovah · 02/02/2014 08:08

Yeah because a day at a spa is the same as a 4 day bender abroad woodland.

I dont get why stag and hen dos are such a huge affair when people have children and families to think about -is your DH the only one on this trip OP?

The strip club thing would annoy me too.

Taffeta · 02/02/2014 08:11

ShoeSmacking - not conned, I am realistic and know what I want, and am getting it. I don't want 4 days away from my kids, I would miss them too much. I also don't want 2 weeks of tidying up when I get back. I do want luxury accommodation and nice meals/drink whilst I am aye, though, so end up spending the same amount of money.

Antidote · 02/02/2014 08:13

I think it is excessive even if you don't have little ones. But I'm not that into the whole stag and hen do culture.

DH told me last night he wants to do a 2 -3 week sailing race in the summer. During DS's pre-school holiday, once I'm back at work after maternity leave. I am massively unimpressed and hoping he sees sense.

SpikeHairandFab · 02/02/2014 08:15

Sorry posted too quick ,so after suggesting that I go the following weekend to see my sister (2 days and 1 night) , he didn't go.

pussycatdoll · 02/02/2014 08:15

Dh used to go away for a few days every year
I did the same
It improves our marriage to have some freedom tbh
Would hate to be in a marriage where it's frowned upon to go away for 4 nights

FamiliesShareGerms · 02/02/2014 08:20

We are both away from home fairly regularly for work, so it's not that we can't be apart or not at home. It's just, IMHO, that a four day stag / hen do just seems unnecessary and excessive.

Original poster

Snufflebabe05 · 02/02/2014 08:41

A weekend I can handle with ease. Thursday - Sunday just feels so much longer.

OP posts:

rookiemater · 02/02/2014 08:41

4 nights seems excessive, but it's not your DH that arranged the length of it.
In May your 5 month old will be 10 months and hopefully sleeping a lot better. If he goes say once a year, and you have equal right to go away with your friends, then I would say that whilst it's a night or two longer than ideal, just let him go.

Bartman · 02/02/2014 09:26

YABU - it's the norm in my social circle.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 02/02/2014 09:29

YABU. DH and I regularly take turns to be away and the other stays at home and deals with the kids.

mrsjay · 02/02/2014 09:39

what happened to going down the pub getting pissed and coming home jeez, my dh went to one of these benders syag do a few years ago to benidorm they are expensive, time consuming and as you said your husband is going to be working more to pay for it or get drink money, I would say to him fine but you need to find me help for a few days I can't manage on my own if you really are strugiling,(sp) . TBH it is a one off when dh went it didnt really bother me it just baffles me why hens and stags think it is fine and dandy to add to the expense of their wedding to go off abroad for a Do,

ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 09:45

I would laugh like a drain if my dh came home and told me he was going on a 4 day stag. Then I would enquire as to where he would be living on his return. Having a break from each other-perfectly fine and dandy. Pissing the family money up the wall because other people want to try and out do each other-nope not happening.

glasgowsteven · 02/02/2014 13:11

Neither me or Mrs Glasgow will go on any stag or Hen longer than one day .....

A holiday with friends and no partner..

money and holiday allowances are valuable so we will spend with each other...not overgrown sixthform type holidays for thebanter

DragonMamma · 02/02/2014 13:18

YANBU

My DH wouldn't even entertain the idea tbh, not least because of the cost and use of his annual leave.

These stag and hen do's are getting absolutely ridiculous. I just don't get why they've snowballed in to such extravagant, costly affairs.

specialsubject · 02/02/2014 13:27

there are some things you can't do once you have young children. He has responsibilities at home so tough, he can't go.

can't have it all.

Grennie · 02/02/2014 13:28

Absolutely fine if you don't have kids. Are most of the men going single or childless? In your situation, totally different.

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