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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking a 4 day stag is excessive?

95 replies

Snufflebabe05 · 02/02/2014 07:49

Oh and I have a 3 year old toddler and a 5 month old baby. Baby still wakes several times a night.

OH is going on a stag in may for 4 days and 3 nights.

To be honest, the thought of doing 3 nights by myself fills me with dread. Baby is a grumpy wee soul, cries for the majority of the day. I countdown the minutes until 7/8pm when OH gets home from work as; even though both girls are in bed, I have some help.

The other issue is that whenever OH has a stag, he ends up working extra hours before and after, so he is around even less than he is usually.

I just want someone else to tell me that it is excessive when you have two little ones at home.

OP posts:

ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 14:41

Yep-are the cool wives "cool" with the stripper club too?

dollius · 02/02/2014 14:43

Yes, apparently, if you object to strip clubs, you are a nagging harridan who has your DH "under the thumb"

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 14:45

..and you don't like sex, don't forget that one

dollius · 02/02/2014 14:46

Oh yes, and don't forget - you are a MAN HATER innit?

MotheringShites · 02/02/2014 14:47

I am a "cool wife". I don't feel like a mug. If I imposed restrictions on DH's life then he could do the same. I enjoy a few nights away with my friends every now and again as much as he does. If it was all one-way then there's a problem.

mistermakersgloopyglue · 02/02/2014 14:50

What's a 'cool wife'? Is it the same as a 'cool husband?'

The strip club thing is an entirely separate issue.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 14:50

MS, we were talking about this particular situation and also conflating the "strip club" component that someone else has thrown in.

If you would be happy with that, then I believe you to be a mug

If you and your H have equal leisure time that doesn't involve use of the sex industry on his part, then that is indeed cool (without the " ")

bellablot · 02/02/2014 14:51

4 day stag is excessive, YANBU on that count however you need to be able to cope with your children on your own so maybe learn some coping strategies for yourself otherwise come May you may be a little grumpy and resentful, not great for your kids.

squoosh · 02/02/2014 14:52

Glad to hear it mistermakersgloopyglue, I was about to stage an intervention for your husband!

mistermakersgloopyglue · 02/02/2014 14:53

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/02/2014 15:01

YANBU OP - 4 days is excessive with 2 young children.

However, if it were my dh, we'd be having more words about the strip clubs, than the length of the stag. But then I'm a bit intolerant of the sex industry.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 15:07

a "bit" Sabrina ?

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 15:07

to be fair, OP made no mention of strip clubs

that was thrown in by someone else and the conversation took a bit of a tangent (as it often does)

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/02/2014 15:10

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 02/02/2014 15:13

Oh, I thought the strip clubs was the OP - but I see it's another poster grappling with another 4 day stag do, who mentioned the strip clubs.

All these stags, eh?

PatriciaHolm · 02/02/2014 15:16

Four day stag; normal here, DH had one (skiing), but then we can all afford them so it's not an issue. I never had an issue with being left with the kids but they were easy babies (no colic etc)

Strip joints etc a whole different issue.

mrwilloughby · 02/02/2014 15:18

My husband currently away for a long weekend skiing with friends (all of those attending are one half of a couple with children), Sat-Tues all days. We have a 2.4 yr old and 4.5month old who isn't sleeping through the night. No family near by or help. It is hard work not having a break but I do all the night wakings anyway. I don't begrudge it (he went away for stag abroad for weekend when #2 was 3 weeks old though my parents came to stay then, and he was best man). As someone suggested above - he did say 'you could go if you like' but not sure how that would work as baby is EBF!

I saw MIL earlier in the week and she did say it would be nice for him to have a break - I was a bit wtf...

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 15:19

I have a friend whose H doesn't even use the cover of "stag" to go on these kinds of trips. They are simply titled "lads trips".

Prague, ski ing (without the young family..why ?), spain, portugal

Some of them are "sports" related (although he doesn't play, just watches) and some of them are for nothing in particular

I can't understand why she puts up with it, especially as he spends thousands of family money on them (think helicoptor trips to the Grand Prix, you get the idea)

For some reason she thinks she can't say no. I expect he will tell her to fuck off if she does. Me ? I'd be off down the divorce court before you could say "this is the last time you mug me off"

Summerblaze · 02/02/2014 15:19

I don't mind DH going away for the weekend in this country for 1 night anymore than that and he doesn't go (he agrees though by the way). This also goes for me and any weekend away.

It isn't the looking after the kids that bothers me as all 3 of mine sleep well and in bed for 8.00 pm which I do regularly by myself as he works late. It is just the assumption that some blokes have (usually childless), that it doesn't matter if my DH buggers off for days on end and I, the woman, should just deal with it. In the case of a 4 night away OP, I assume it will also be expensive. It isn't that we couldn't afford it but it would take money away from any holiday we would have that year (decision between abroad or not, better hotel, more spending money etc). Also if it goes past the weekend I also assume that he will need to take days off work. Days that could be better spent either with me and the dc or doing jobs around the house.

YANBU

mrwilloughby · 02/02/2014 15:20

Also normal in our social circle to do this sort of thing / stags abroad and cost not an issue so maybe that makes a difference, dunno.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 15:20

Quite coincidentally, some of these trips appear to be sex tourism hotspots.

expatinscotland · 02/02/2014 15:21

YANBU. Stupid, self-indulgent waste of money.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2014 15:21

MrW, cost wouldn't be an issue here either. I believe that not to be the whole point.

mrwilloughby · 02/02/2014 15:24

No, I was thinking aloud - more meant would I (as opposed to OP) feel differently about it if cost was an issue and eg the money was taken away from our family hol.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2014 15:34

How do all the people saying yanbu think single parents cope??
Sorry but this is ridiculous. Of course yabu. I can't understand couples at all who give up their lives once they have kids. It's really not necessary.
I love my life, I love my family, and would have no issue whatsoever with dh going in a 4 day break

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