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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

In thinking a 4 day stag is excessive?

95 replies

Snufflebabe05 · 02/02/2014 07:49

Oh and I have a 3 year old toddler and a 5 month old baby. Baby still wakes several times a night.

OH is going on a stag in may for 4 days and 3 nights.

To be honest, the thought of doing 3 nights by myself fills me with dread. Baby is a grumpy wee soul, cries for the majority of the day. I countdown the minutes until 7/8pm when OH gets home from work as; even though both girls are in bed, I have some help.

The other issue is that whenever OH has a stag, he ends up working extra hours before and after, so he is around even less than he is usually.

I just want someone else to tell me that it is excessive when you have two little ones at home.

OP posts:

takingthathometomomma · 02/02/2014 15:37

It's excessive and probably expensive, but it still sounds like fun to me. Just make sure that you get your turn sometime soon too! YOLO, right?

takingthathometomomma · 02/02/2014 15:38

And I agree with arethere, I'm sure you'll be fine with the kids for the four days he's away and the extra hours he's working. Like I said, just make sure you get your break in somewhere too!

WitchWay · 02/02/2014 15:44

I don't think his going away for four days per se is a problem, although can see that at the moment you might find this difficult. We've always had separate weekends / longer away, even when DS was small. A four day stag party is ridiculous thought - the whole stag / hen thing has gone berserk!

WitchWay · 02/02/2014 15:45

though not thought

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 02/02/2014 15:57

I can't believe people spend this sort of money on stag and hen do's - especially at a time of life when people normally have MUCH better things to spend money on (deposits, mortgages, children, getting to and from the wedding, their own wedding).

A friend of mine who goes on several of these a year, and has done for the past few years and whose long term partner has done likewise(we are at that 30s point of being in an endless stream of weddings) has calculated that they've pissed £15k on stag and hen do's abroad. They are trying to by a flat at the moment, and are feeling the absence of that £15k from the deposit they can offer very keenly!

Pooka · 03/02/2014 07:43

It's the annual leave usage that bothers me.

So if I'm feeling like death warmed up with nightmare tonsillitis and dh can't have a day off work because is so busy, it feels kind of hypocritical that when it
Comes to a 4/5 day "Lads" thing miraculously he's able to sort it.

Plus there's the shifting from a weekend (which I assume to be Friday night to sunday) to actually thursday night until Monday night.

It's all very well that he would encourage me to have time out. But the practicalities of kids in school/at home and who on earth would have the time off work to look
After them for the weekday element escapes him. So my equivalent break would be sat am until Sunday pm. Which is not the same (the people I go away with are under the same time constraints as me).

Grrr. Am prob over thinking it because dh coming home tonight after being away since Thursday. As far as I can see, staying in the cottage playing the playstation and drinking.

TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89 · 03/02/2014 10:11

shocked by my example? really? last time I checked you don't get strippers performing up Ben Nevis

I wouldn't be happy with my partner going away for 4 nights full stop, however I'm single and don't understand the sheer panic of having to deal with children on your own for such a short period of time. but that's because I'm used to it I suppose.

oh and my 10 no still doesn't sleep, so don't pin your hopes on that possibility op

TwinklyMummaLuvsHerBubba89 · 03/02/2014 10:12

oh no, need to read the thread properly, no shock at my comment after all

KatnipEvergreen · 03/02/2014 10:17

I went away for a girls weekend for the same amount of time when DD1 was 2. I suppose it depends 1) How much it costs, and does this impact on the budget for other things, i.e. does this mean you can't go on a family holiday? 2) How you feel about him going, whether you can cope for that long on your own? 3) What they will be doing on the stag do 4) What his reaction would be if you wanted to go away for four days?

aGirlDownUnder1 · 03/02/2014 10:30

YANBU. These stag do's/hen do's now days are OTT, waste of time and expensive. You would be able to put the money to better use instead of a 4 day piss-up. Whatever happened to getting smashed down at the local the pub?

laregina · 03/02/2014 10:37

YANBU. And unless these men are about 19, they need to grow up.

I also don't 'get' the whole stag/hen culture nowadays - if these men are panicking so badly about getting married that they have to go on a four day bender/shagathon, they probably aren't ready to get married at all.

Dh wouldn't want to go - he would enjoy a night out drinking but not four in a row and would also rather spend his annual leave with his family - but then he is a grown up

Olivegirl · 03/02/2014 10:39

I am also grateful , if I said to my dh go away and enjoy yourself for a few days ...he just wouldn't ....and I would be the same ...love seeing and being with friends ,both of us ....but when it comes to expense / money we would rather spend it on time away for ourselves/ dc

pussycatdoll · 03/02/2014 10:51

what happened to going down the pub getting pissed and coming home

People don't live close to all their friends though due to uni etc
Mine hen night had to involve people travelling & staying over as my school friends, uni friends , old work friends live all over The country

KatnipEvergreen · 03/02/2014 10:53

DH had two stag dos, a night out more locally with all his friends and a few days away abroad with three friends. But on the time away they appear not to have done much other than have a few pints and do some sightseeing, and knowing the other guys that went I don't think they'd be into strip clubs and all night boozing either! And this was before children also.

pussycatdoll · 03/02/2014 10:53

It's very rarely a hen weekends is a 4 day piss up
It's usually Friday night dinner & drinks, Saturday spa day
Saturday night stripper & more drinks

In my experience

pussycatdoll · 03/02/2014 10:54

I usually decline the Friday night & The spa day & turn up for the stripper

falulahthecat · 03/02/2014 10:55

What is it with stags and hens lasting days and costing the earth!?
It used to be 10 pints down the pub the night before the wedding (proba why my dad passed out half way through his wedding after waking up late and running to the church but that's another story).
I wouldn't be impressed.
Does he HAVE to go the whole 4 days? Why is it 4 days in the first place?
I can't even imagine my dh suggesting it, especially if we had a new baby... :S

squoosh · 03/02/2014 10:58

This thread has really put me in the mood for a 4 day foreign piss up.

Lambzig · 03/02/2014 11:15

I would hate DH to go away for such a long trip, but that's because he is away for work a lot, usually encroaching on weekends, so I would want him to spend annual leave/money on time with the kids. Plus I know I would never get the equivalent break. To be fair he probably wouldn't want to go.

mouldyironingboard · 03/02/2014 11:51

YANBU unless you get a 4 day holiday away without the children too.

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