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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next door neighbours and party in the garden.

113 replies

Twattyzombiebollocks · 01/02/2014 22:37

Not sure about this. Neighbours (their garden backs onto our front drive) are having a party in the back garden. They have a big marquee and its obviously a significant birthday, 18th I think. Music is currently blaring out, it's pretty noisy. I have 2 kids trying to sleep who are unable to, they have tv on trying to drown out the noise but its not working at all. What do I do? I don't want to be a party pooper but I would have thought they must realise that this is a residential area, most of the houses around here have young children.
I suppose it's a Saturday so at least they don't have school tomorrow.
What do you think is a reasonable time to go round and ask them to turn it down? I'm thinking leave it till 11?

OP posts:
OrangeMochaFrappucino · 02/02/2014 15:24

What FruitSalad said. Having friends round abd relaxing is not the same thing as a huge party complete with sound system til 3am with no warning. It's a lot more than 'a bit annoying'.

I'd never have a builder round before 9am either. It's pretty easy to make adjustments to be considerate - you can't prevent all noise ever but what the OP describes is extreme.

AnnaLegovah · 02/02/2014 16:16

Turning music off at 11 is not 'early' Grennie - the law says its shouldnt be beyond half 11. Its not a magical time plucked out of the air.

If people want to have parties till 3am they should be going to nightclubs, not inflicting them on their neighbours.

RussianBlu · 02/02/2014 16:34

Parties are not essential. Loud music and noise is not essential. These things drive me up the wall. I am sick of living next to and near inconsiderate neighbours. I worry when my children practice musical instruments for a max of 20 minutes around 6 or 7 pm. Some people are unbelievable. The worst thing in the world is being next door to someone, especially in a flat where the music is so loud that you cannot escape it in any of your rooms and it goes on for hours and hours. You then get to feel awful the next day having had so much stress and next to no sleep. Go and live in a detached house in the forest if you need to do such things please.

Grennie · 02/02/2014 16:47

I have had 3 parties where music has went on till 1am. Not sound systems, just ordinary CD/record player. I think it is perfectly fine occasionally.

And builders can legally start at 8am. We have a lot more noise disturbance where I live from builders, than anything else.

I am pretty laid back about the noise from families too. I don't have kids but have had many sunny days in the garden as the kids next door screech, shout and play noisily. Nearly everyone makes noise, we need to have a bit of give and take.

fadingfast · 02/02/2014 17:15

We live next door to students and one of them had a 21st party last year. Two of them knocked on the door beforehand to warn us, and left us both of their mobile numbers in case it was too noisy. The party was inside the house, and we could hear the music but it wasn't too bad as a one off. The next day they had the courtesy to check that we hadn't been disturbed! Model students, their mums would be proud!
Having an outdoor party with loud music and no prior warning is very rude, imo.

AnnaLegovah · 02/02/2014 17:16

Did you tell your neighbours before you had these parties Grennie? And 3 times in how many years? Wink

EasterHoliday · 02/02/2014 17:20

holy cow Twattyzombie, too many coincidences there... I think we may be near neighbours! could that have been a 40th party last night? and they're in the manor house??? The music went on / off / up & down until 3 or so.
there's a badly smashed / crashed van on their lane this morning too - smashed windscreen, totalled at the front. Wasn't there when I came in at midnight last night, but there this morning. Wonder what went on...

WitchWay · 02/02/2014 17:34

If you invoke the power of the residents' committee, be a little careful. You mentioned a Diwali party further up the thread - don't let them think there's any racism going on - could become really nasty.

coco44 · 02/02/2014 17:43

You have to live and let live.An 18th birthday party is not unreasonable, and a5t the time of your post it was only 10.30 on a saturday night.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 02/02/2014 18:23

It went on til 3am with a full sound system. That is unreasonable, whatever the occasion. The OP also isn't complaining that they celebrated Diwali, just that they did it very loudly so I don't think she is opening herself up to claims of racism.

Also, I don't think the noise of kids playing is comparable to loud music in terms of intrusiveness and the key is that it doesn't happen late into the night. Loud music vibrates through your whole house and is inescapable.

I think I've found my AIBU trigger, I seem to be a bit het up about this subject and I don't even have noisy neighbours! I think I am just a bit overly anxious about sleep...

MintyChops · 02/02/2014 18:27

YANBU, they were very inconsiderate. I would speak to them about it and ask them for more consideration if they are planning any more parties.

Grennie · 02/02/2014 18:48

Since I mentioned a record player as one of the sources of music, you can be assured that my 3 parties have been pretty well spread out!

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 18:52

So not the 4 in one year (inc. one with fireworks) that the OP has had to endure?

I don't really get the "as long as it's not that often" argument. If everyone in a residential street had one "not that often" you could end up having to put up with noisy parties every month - or more.

littledrummergirl · 02/02/2014 19:11

Anyone who feels they have the right to impose their wants over anyone else is an inconsiderate git and has no business living anywhere near anyone who resembles a rational human being as far as I am concerned.
If everyone celebrated birthdays with loud music their is potential for no sleep ever.
Ywnbu.

MrsAMerrick · 02/02/2014 19:17

Can't believe they didn't check with you first, or at least warn you. We had a party last summer for DH's 50th, dropped a note round to anyone and everyone within hearing distance, telling them we were having a party, apologising in advance for the noise, and inviting them to drop in for a drink (actually, most of the neighbours were invited anyway as they are our friends).

AnnaLegovah · 02/02/2014 19:21

So you didnt tell the neighbours then Grennie? Wink

BackforGood · 03/02/2014 11:00

littledrummergirl - that presumably include those who insist their neighbours never have a party then, as you are talking about everyone who tires to impose their wants.

Just for information, we've rarely had any parties, wouldn't know where to begin to get music in the garden, and certainly don't have the energy to be partying past about 10.30 anyway, so I'm not defending myself, just the right of everyone to live their own lives without the sanctimonious getting their knickers in a twist at the first thing neighbours might do that doesn't suit them.
Life's about a bit of give and take.

CiderBomb · 03/02/2014 12:58

If it's a one off I'd just let it go to be honest, but I've never understood why people have marquees in theory back gardens? It's just twattish showing off IMO, and I'd much rather hire out a venue somewhere.

SirChenjin · 03/02/2014 13:02

No - the rule of thumb re imposing wants here is "is my behaviour appropriate for the area I live in and is it going to impact negatively on my neighbours legal right to enjoy peace before and after certain hours"

Your neighbours have the right to object after a certain time - and if you're going to throw a loud party outside in a quiet residential street then don't be surprised if people object. You appeal to their good nature, they can say no - doesn't make them sanctimonious.

gualsa · 03/02/2014 14:07

Sirchenjin..you will learn one day. The price to pay for a peaceful life.
Being tolerant with people does not make you a door mat. It makes you easygoing and likeable. ;)

MistressDeeCee · 03/02/2014 14:20

If its a one-off event I wouldnt say anything at all. Let them enjoy themselves. However Id let neighbours know in advance if I were going to have a party, its discourteous not to do so.

merrymouse · 03/02/2014 14:59

It's so much easier to be easygoing and tolerant when people warn you in advance and invite you over for a drink…

KellyElly · 03/02/2014 15:17

There's nothing that makes me crazier than being kept up by other peoples loud music. It used to piss me off before I had a child and now it enrages me as I do not cope well on no sleep and looking after a tired, grumpy child all day when you feel that way yourself is not good. I think people inside and music turned down to an acceptable level by 12 is fine, any later and it would piss me off. I used to have a neighbour who would have about four parties a week until around 3/4am. I actually felt like taking his stereo and him and throwing it out of the window.

SirChenjin · 03/02/2014 17:23

I have nothing to learn, nor am I desperate to be thought of as easygoing and likeable by people I don't know gulsa Hmm

If people want to say "no" to a loud party/parties outside in a quiet residential street beyond the legal 11pm then that doesn't make them sanctimonious or not easy going or likeable. If they say "yes" then well and good - but it's not your right to have loud outdoor parties. Most people will tolerate the odd party til around midnight - anything beyond that and it's not really on.

dontcallmemam · 03/02/2014 17:28

Years ago we lived on a 4th floor flat in a row of converted houses. The people in the bottom flat (ground floor) would have parties almost every weekend with 25+ people squeezed onto a tiny terrace. We tried the polite route but just got abuse.
The solution, a bucket of water poured from the 4th floor!