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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Next door neighbours and party in the garden.

113 replies

Twattyzombiebollocks · 01/02/2014 22:37

Not sure about this. Neighbours (their garden backs onto our front drive) are having a party in the back garden. They have a big marquee and its obviously a significant birthday, 18th I think. Music is currently blaring out, it's pretty noisy. I have 2 kids trying to sleep who are unable to, they have tv on trying to drown out the noise but its not working at all. What do I do? I don't want to be a party pooper but I would have thought they must realise that this is a residential area, most of the houses around here have young children.
I suppose it's a Saturday so at least they don't have school tomorrow.
What do you think is a reasonable time to go round and ask them to turn it down? I'm thinking leave it till 11?

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 02/02/2014 09:06

I wouldn't go round now and discuss it after the event. If you are really trying to sell, just leave it. You don't want any kind of dispute now.

Misspixietrix · 02/02/2014 09:06

Actually the Police will attend in some areas. I know this because the last two times a certain house on this road has had a party until the Godforsaken hours. Someone has rang the Police and they attended both times. That's why I advised OP to ring 101. If its after 11 and a one off then yes. But its clearly anti-social matters to continue doing it and like many otherS have said it takes two minutes to warn your neighbours that you are having a party. I can think of only 2 houses on this road that don't have young DCs and at least if the neighbours are pre-warned they can do something about it.

rookiemater · 02/02/2014 09:11

YANBU - they should have asked before the event, that's the polite thing to do.
Agree with Bowlersarm though, as you are trying to sell then you definitely don't want to have to mention it to any potential buyers.

merrymouse · 02/02/2014 09:34

Do you know any of your other neighbours? Is it likely that somebody else has complained either formally or informally?

I think you can talk to your neighbours in a non confrontational way and suggest they warn you before their next party. If they are arsey and you don't want to get involved in a dispute just leave them to it.

merrymouse · 02/02/2014 09:39

If everybody is suffering in silence they might think they have bought this fabulous house where either noise doesn't carry/people just love their music.

"Sounds like you had a great time - cant imagine my children being 18! - I'm at the opposite end of sleepless nights - could you warn me next time?"

ShatzePage · 02/02/2014 09:56

Yanbu op-I had neighbours that used to do this. It was only 3/4 times a year but people would still be partying at 8am! We phoned the police once but they only turned the music back up as soon as they left.

We are in a terrace too and I know that the neighbours down the other end no longer speak as there have been massive barneys over one of them constantly having parties. They love to hire marquee's too btw! Selfish idiots.

Original poster
Twattyzombiebollocks · 02/02/2014 10:42

Actually we have a residents committee I might ask if they could send out a letter asking for loud music outdoors to be turned down at 11 etc except by prior arrangement, that should give me at least some notice! Most of the residents have at least 1 child under 10 so shouldn't be too much of an ask. That way it hasn't come from me direct so there won't be any dispute. Can't imagine that no one else would have been bothered by the music

OP posts:
coco44 · 02/02/2014 10:49

'they have tv on trying to drown out the noise '
Confused how does that help?

FloweryFeatureWall · 02/02/2014 10:53

'they have tv on trying to drown out the noise '

I'm not the OP but it's easier to sleep with a more consistent noise than it is to sleep with the loud music punctuated by screeches. I used to have to do the same to drown out my neighbours in the summer before I got some nature sounds to use.

Original poster
Twattyzombiebollocks · 02/02/2014 10:58

Coco - that's what I thought! But hey ho, 7 year old logic I suppose. It wasn't tv they don't have them connected just DVD. They were watching Santa buddies

OP posts:
AnnaLegovah · 02/02/2014 12:05

Flowery is right, I have a white noise machine right by my head at night which drowns out some of the noise. Some but not all.

gualsa · 02/02/2014 13:13

Putting a conflict to bed is down to the individuals desire to end the war...not win it. All you guys and your talk of revenge. It never leads anywhere good...

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 13:18

Yeah, that's right - it's important that you take everything that ignorant people throw at you without doing anything in return. Writing 'doormat' on your forehead is a good idea as it lets them know who you are.

Remember - karma means that if you do something inconsiderate to someone else than you've got to accept there may be repercussions.

Grennie · 02/02/2014 13:21

This is a one off? Just leave them to party. It really isn't a big deal.

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 13:23

No - it wasn't a one off.

ajandjjmum · 02/02/2014 13:32

We had the police come round just before 11 when it was my DH's 50th - so not silly noise levels - but then again, the person who complained was a local councillor.

For DS's 21st I spoke to environmental health, and they said live music has to be off by 11 pm. We also put letters through the doors of everyone around, and had several texts saying hope it went well. There were no complaints - and although we invited our immediate neighbours, they still had to tolerate a game of rugby in the garden around 3 am - and did so with a smile on their faces!

I reckon we can all put up with the odd party, although you're absolutely right OP - prior notice is only polite.

Grennie · 02/02/2014 13:38

I am a bit shocked that so many people think a party should not have music after 11pm. This is still pretty early. It shouldn't be a regular thing. But neighbours of ours used to have one party a year on a Saturday night until 1pm ish. Yes I would prefer not to be kept awake by nusic. But if it is rare, I really don't think it is an issue.

SirChenjin · 02/02/2014 13:55

But outside, in a small street with young children in most of the houses and the music thumping so loudly that it sounds like a nightclub? Or fireworks at 2am? You honestly think that's OK? I don't care if it is 'only' every few months, it's inconsiderate in the extreme, esp. when you don't let your neighbours know in advance (although that only makes it slightly less inconsiderate...)

I think most people will put up with things until about midnight, providing it's a one-off, you're generally a good neighbour and you let everyone know in advance. Beyond that time, in a quiet residential area with young children, people's backs get up and goodwill goes out of the window.

Shonajoy · 02/02/2014 13:59

It's really hard an 18th, half their mates will still be underage for clubs. Hope it wasn't too bad in the end x

BackforGood · 02/02/2014 14:01

Yes, if it was an 18th, then no halls around here will let you hire them for 18ths (or 21sts) because it's too much of a risk for their licence.

I think the 'crux' of if it is reasonable or not, is if it is a 'one off' or fairly irregular thing, or if it's happening a lot.

merrymouse · 02/02/2014 14:07

11pm is bedtime if you have to get up at a reasonable time the next day. If it was normal to sleep till 9 1am would be fine, but it isn't .

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 02/02/2014 14:25

I don't understand why anyone would think their 'need' for a party outweighed anyone else's need for sleep. Sleep deprivation is hideous and one person's party could ruin the whole weekend for several families. Why does anyone think they have the right to do that? There are many ways to celebrate an 18th birthday without setting up a disco in the middle of a residential street.

That said, I wouldn't mind at all if I was given plenty of notice so I could take the opportunity to arrange a night away. But to do it without demonstrating a scrap of concern for the neighbours is incredibly selfish and anti-social.

BackforGood · 02/02/2014 14:51

Because life would be miserable if we didn't have friends round and relax sometimes maybe?
I think all my neighbours have the right to disturb me with a bit of noise occasionally as I do them - it's part of living as part of a community.
Personally, it annoys me FAR more when builders start with their noisiest tools early on a Saturday morning, but maybe that's because I'm not a morning person, and would be far happier with music at 11pm, than a drill at 7.40am.
I acknowledge though, that others wouldn't.
The point is, if you live near other people, at some point, you will do something that is a bit annoying for others. As long as it isn't a regular thing, then I'm all for a bit of 'live and let live' or give and take.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 02/02/2014 14:59

I'm amazed that anyone thinks it's ok to have a big party with a sound system in a residential area. Totally obnoxious IMO. We have friends around for a drink quite regularly, but the kind of party the op is describing? No way.

Hire a venue if you want a big party.

merrymouse · 02/02/2014 15:23

I don't think people do generally mind the odd party - if you warn the neighbours and invite them if appropriate.

Part of living in a community is communication.