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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to bf in front of visitors

101 replies

Slh122 · 01/02/2014 13:06

I have a 10 day old baby and we're expecting family visitors this afternoon. DS is breastfed and I'm really not confident doing it in front of people yet.
I just told DP that when they come round if I'm still feeding him then I'll go into the bedroom until he's finished as I haven't quite worked out the logistics of feeding 'subtly' yet.
DP says he won't be left to 'play host' to my visitors and that if I go into the bedroom then he will too and no one will answer the door to them. He's given me a towel to cover myself up with Confused
He says I'll just have to feed DS in here or delatch him, which I don't really want to do when I'm still establishing supply and DS has jaundice which needs flushing out his system.
I really don't want to sit here with my boobs out in front of people! AIBU?

OP posts:
Primrose123 · 01/02/2014 13:13

YANBU. I really struggled with bf and had to give up after a couple of days. I hated trying to feed in front of people, in fact I didn't even try. I went off to the bedroom and did it there. I respect the right of any woman to breastfeed in public, but I didn't want to do it, I like my privacy!

Your DH should have more respect for your feelings. Would he like to drop his pants in front of visitors? I bet he wouldn't!

I don't have any solutions, but I agree with you.

Beanymonster · 01/02/2014 13:13

Tell your dp to man the fuck up and entertain for half an hour so you can feed your ds!
If you can walk and feed yet, answer the door, let them in, and say your dp is being a twat, that should get him moving!

RegainingUnconsciousness · 01/02/2014 13:14

I'm sure your visitors will be understanding. When you need to feed, could you ask that they pop into the kitchen with DH to make a cup of tea or something while you get sorted, and when you've neatly arranged everything let them know they can pop back.

Explain from the start, it's tricky and you're really self conscious at this stage. I'm sure they'll understand. (Or at least be polite enough in your home to keep their opinions to themselves)

loopylouu · 01/02/2014 13:14

Stand your ground and go off into a room on your own. You need space, time and privacy.

The day I got home from hospital with ds, exh announced his parents were staying for 5 days. I have huge breasts and was struggling with feedig without wanting to show my boobs. At that point, the only way I could feed was topless. Ex PIL and exh caused such a huge fuss about me 'shitting myself away' that I needed up bottle feeding ds, I just couldn't do it while covering up.

Am currently pregnant and have told dh that I will be having time and space this time to feed this baby in privacy. Luckily, he and new PIL are not massive twats, so they understand.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/02/2014 13:15

YANBU - Your DP sounds like a selfish knob quite frankly!

ohfourfoxache · 01/02/2014 13:15

Erm he sounds like a bit of a dick. Yanbu at all.

loopylouu · 01/02/2014 13:16

Um, shutting, not shitting

Pigsmummy · 01/02/2014 13:16

Tell DP to grow up and entertain guests whilst you feed baby. At the moment baby feeding is the most important thing in the world, pandering to your DP isn't.

Onsera3 · 01/02/2014 13:16

YANBU

I did the exact same thing when DS was newborn. You need to see what you're doing when it's a new skill so what are you going to do? Put the towel over your head too?

He's being silly.

zeezeek · 01/02/2014 13:16

Idiot man. If you want to go somewhere private to do something private then it is up to you. It won't hurt him to entertain family for a little while.

PurpleRayne · 01/02/2014 13:16

Is he always so self-centred?!

DowntonTrout · 01/02/2014 13:17

Your DP is being spectacularly insensitive and unhelpful.

You should do exactly what you feel comfortable with. He should make cups of tea and entertain the guests.

RufusTheReindeer · 01/02/2014 13:17

Yanbu at all, in the slightest

If he is that fussed about breast feeding in front of your guests then he can do it himself

As my husband found to his cost some newborns will latch onto anything!!

LittleRedDinosaur · 01/02/2014 13:17

DH is being a dick. It's your body and you're in charge of who sees it. Give it a few weeks and you'll be a total pro but do whatever you feel comfortable with before then!

bopoityboo3 · 01/02/2014 13:18

YANBU! I felt like this with DD for the first month or so until I got really comfortable with her latching on and we had established a good technique. Tell your 'd'h if he's so happy for visitors to see bits of his body that they wouldn't normally he can try and hold a conversation with them with his bits hanging out.

Until you get comfortable with breast feeding you should do whatever makes you comfortable and tell him to grow up and talk to the family for a bit well you finish the feed. It won't be a good feed for either you or baby if you are stressing about your visitors being able to see your boobs.

Why doesn't he want to play host for the time it takes you to finish feeding?

pomdereplay · 01/02/2014 13:19

YANBU. It didn't take me long to be happy to feed in front of anybody, but in those early days I needed some privacy. We asked guests to leave the room (as suggested upthread) rather than force me to limp upstairs with the baby. My DP was more than happy to 'entertain' while I did this. Your husband is behaving like a petulant little dick.

MrsKCastle · 01/02/2014 13:20

Who are the visitors? Does your DP have a genuine reason for not wanting to be left on his own with them? (Such as extreme rudeness in the past).

If not, he is being ridiculous. Has he never been left to entertain visitors before now? What would he do if you were cooking or something while you had someone round- would he walk out of the room?

ThursdayLast · 01/02/2014 13:21

Not unreasonable at all.
Tell him to man the fuck up.
It will get so much easier for you, I promise, but until it does you do what you need to do to feel happy and secure.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 01/02/2014 13:21

Erm, no, DP needs to get over himself!

You've only been doing this for 10 days! It's perfectly fine to want some privacy (and also perfectly fine to feed in front of whoever you like but it's YOUR choice, he doesn't get to decide for you!)

They're family which makes it even more Confused - if they were your friends then I could perhaps understand him feeling a bit awkward (although it's still TOTALLY reasonable to expect him to man up and make them a cup of tea and small talk while you get sorted) but this is family - even if it's your side rather than his, you have a baby now, your families are effectively merged.

Wantsunshine · 01/02/2014 13:21

He will look like a freak to your guests if he hides in the bedroom with you rather than sit with them. If I were your guest I would ask him where he was sneaking off to! Weird bloke!

oldgrandmama · 01/02/2014 13:22

Christ - your 'D'H sounds a right prat. You do whatever you want about this, and if he's even more prattish going on about not letting visitors in if you're not around to greet them, then make sure you tell him you'll explain to them exactly why!

SarahBumBarer · 01/02/2014 13:23

Your DH is being a total knob about this but I hope in time you start to feel more relaxed with bf. I was always happy to feed wherever and I am certain no-one ever copped a view of anything that I would rather keep private. Waterfall cardigans and muslin cloths are a good combo!

Is this the only way in which DH is v being unsupportive (I'd be surprised given how unreasonable he is being over such a small thing).

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 01/02/2014 13:24

Why is he acting like he hates your family?
he is being very unreasonable (assuming your family havent done terrible things of course)

Playing host to your visitors.
ffs.
tell him you will take that very same attitude whenever his own relatives come round.
no participation or hosting from you.
see if he then twigs how utterly unreasonable actually doing that would be!

isisisis · 01/02/2014 13:25

Your 'D'H is a prat. I did exactly what you want to do & nipped upstairs in the early days. DD is now 23weeks & I can feed comfortably in front of anyone, but only because we're practiced now.
I like the suggestion of making him take his trousers down. What exactly does he want you to do with the towel?
If he really can't sit & chat politely for 20 mins, could he spin out making the tea/coffee so that he can hide from your visitors in the kitchen whilst you feed upstairs. He sounds very antisocial & your visitors probably don't want to be stuck with him either.

JuliaScurr · 01/02/2014 13:26

he is being a spectacular arse

tell him we said he should do as he's told