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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to bf in front of visitors

101 replies

Slh122 · 01/02/2014 13:06

I have a 10 day old baby and we're expecting family visitors this afternoon. DS is breastfed and I'm really not confident doing it in front of people yet.
I just told DP that when they come round if I'm still feeding him then I'll go into the bedroom until he's finished as I haven't quite worked out the logistics of feeding 'subtly' yet.
DP says he won't be left to 'play host' to my visitors and that if I go into the bedroom then he will too and no one will answer the door to them. He's given me a towel to cover myself up with Confused
He says I'll just have to feed DS in here or delatch him, which I don't really want to do when I'm still establishing supply and DS has jaundice which needs flushing out his system.
I really don't want to sit here with my boobs out in front of people! AIBU?

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 01/02/2014 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VikingLady · 01/02/2014 21:12

You can get nursing tops from Matalan as well, so cheap and relatively disposable.

Caitlin17 Your "Yuk" comment is one that always makes me laugh (DD is 23m and still going strong). If boobs are always primarily sexual in nature (I can't think of any other reason it would be yuk) then is everyone who changes a nappy a paedophile? Their genitals will be sexual one day too. And birth - most babies come out of a vagina. The same vagina that once contained the sperm that made them. It is multifunctional

PhilomenaCunk · 01/02/2014 21:20

OP you did just the right thing. And if he suggests covering yourself with a towel again tell him to shove it throw it over anyone's head who might be offended. You've been pregnant, probably put up with sickness, aches and pains and shoved a baby out of a space not used to that kind of treatment. You've then started to learn a brand new skill to nurture your baby. And he REALLY can't answer the door on his own?

BrandNewIggi · 01/02/2014 21:21

In my experience nursing tops are not have as effective in helping you stay covered (if you so wish) as the top/vest approach.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/02/2014 21:22

It works every time FastWindow - I just wish I'd worked it out before I spent a fortune on nursing tops/dresses Grin

threeleftfeet · 01/02/2014 21:30

Caitlin the World Health Organisation recommends breastfeeding for all children until 2 years old.

I do understand they you probably grew up in a culture (such as the UK) which teaches really warped ideas about breasts and breast feeding, so it's probably understandable that you're slightly freaked out by mothers feeding children to the age nature intended.

However what I can't understand is why on earth you can't keep those opinions to yourself? Why would you think it was a good idea to actually tell another mother the way she feeds her child is "yuk"? (And especially when her choice of feeding give proven health benefits to her and the baby).

Would you prefer she fed her baby milk from the teat of an animal which is designed to eat grass? Or one designed by millions of years of evolution to be exactly what her baby needs? Think about it.

It's your attitude that's disgusting IMHO.

TobyLerone · 01/02/2014 21:38

Your partner is a cock.

And to be fair, DS could talk in full, understandable sentences at 18 months.

Pixel · 01/02/2014 21:56

Op you stick to your guns. I struggled to establish BF with dd partly because she was reluctant to latch on but also because we had a lot of visitors and I found it hard to relax and feed her when I knew people were waiting in another room. It was all very stressful.
When I had ds I was determined that it would be different and I wouldn't worry what anyone else thought. Ended up feeding him until he was 3.5yo.
Also remember the first public feeding session in a cafe. Same here!
And I actually think that was the turning point because I was sitting there feeling self-conscious when a lady came over to admire the baby. She apologised when she realised I was feeding him but I was really pleased because it proved to me that people really couldn't see what I was doing. After that I felt confident to feed anywhere.
I found a loose top that I could pull up easily (and reach up under to unhook my bra) and an undone cardigan over that to act as a 'shield' was very effective.

BrandNewIggi · 01/02/2014 22:06

I believe the WHO recommends bf for a minimum of 2 years, not for 2 years.
I am bfing my second well into his second year and intend to feed till he self-weans, as with dc1. Even so I would definitely prefer that my dc did not talk about sucking my nipple. I have a choice of words I can use depending on the situation - so I could tell a doctor "it hurts when he sucks my nipple" (for example) but I would say something else in Starbucks, I'm going to give dc some milk, for instance.

threeleftfeet · 01/02/2014 22:13

BrandNewIggi "I believe the WHO recommends bf for a minimum of 2 years, not for 2 years"

Yes you're absolutely right. I wrote that very badly, sorry!

Pixel · 01/02/2014 22:14

Sorry, just re-read my post and it sounds a bit as if I'm saying you shouldn't worry about feeding in front of your visitors, I didn't mean that at all, just that you should do what feels right and not be stressed about your choice.

VikingLady · 01/02/2014 22:37

Brandnewiggi Most extended Bfs I know (up to age 5) tend to develop their own word for bm. Nunu, or bubz, or just milkies.

I'm quite angry these days, so we stick with boob. I appreciate this is not for everyone! And DD is non-verbal at nearly 2, so may change my mind when she is able to shout it across softplay Grin

threeleftfeet · 02/02/2014 01:09

VikingLady that's very true.

We called it Mama, DS often asked for Mama in public and no one was every any the wiser AFAIK, it just sounded as if he was calling me.

rabbitlady · 02/02/2014 22:15

My boy is nearly 2 and precocious with language.I can't imagine him uttering that sentence at 18 months. In terms of language acquisition, they're generally just beginning to put words together at 18 months, the grammar comes a bit later.

oh, this attitude is really boring.

my daughter is aspie, hyperlexic, her estimated iq as a toddler topped the mensa scale. she's now 31 and can tell you that for herself.
but if you'd been there, you would have heard those exact words, as clear as day. she was a competent conversationalist at that age. she was speaking odd words from six months and recognising (as in 'reading') words definitely by nine months ['way out' was the first...] and reading properly from 28 months. the hospital insisted on examining her for 'restricted growth' because they thought she was at least five years old. no, she wasn't. so the nurses sat around chatting with her at our visits.

if your babies aren't like mine, [she is of course my pfb and only child] that really isn't my fault. i only had one, so i didn't know it was unusual. i knew she startled people (like my uncle, being addressed as 'oh, granddad's brother!' by fourteen-month-old daughter) but i just thought they were easily disturbed.

shall i tell you something else? my twelve week old granddaughter took an interest in baby clothes when we were out shopping, and sat up in a high chair (with extra padding) engaging the attention of, and delighting, all who passed by. on the same day she looked at the sampler her mum was embroidering, and at a picture of the finished item (to and from, to and from) and clearly understood what the picture represented. at seven months she knelt on my chest, looked into my eyes and said 'hiya! 'ello!' with perfect intonation and clarity.

yes, we are clever. yes, we are articulate. no, i don't bother lying.
i don't need to. we're pretty special.

and as for the use of the word 'nipple', it wasn't a word we usually used. she had a 'baba', either 'mr baba' (the right side) or 'mrs baba' (the left side, with the heartbeat) - her choice of names. the outrage at being refused prompted the use of correct terminology.

you can choose to believe, or not. it makes no difference to the facts or to my opinion of myself or my loved ones.

but it shows your limited understanding.

HenriettaPie · 02/02/2014 22:18

Rabbit lady- your child was reading words at 9 months??

TobyLerone · 02/02/2014 22:47

This thread has suddenly turned amazing.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/02/2014 22:57

I was highly doubtful of you rabbit, mentioned ages at which children start speaking in proper sentences to my mum, in passing.

Apparently I was by 15 months. One of my uncles friends described me as "the creepiest child" he had ever met when I was two after asking if my Tiny Tears doll was my baby, "no...it's a doll" was my reply.

I get the impression I peaked at quite a young age and became quite average thereafter.

Iamavapernow · 02/02/2014 23:03

He sounds like a fucking tool.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 02/02/2014 23:03

I have met a child who spoke in clear words at 6 months, it was bizarre. She only had 2 or 3 words but it was really strange to see. AFAIK she is pretty normal now - she'd be about 4 or 5.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 02/02/2014 23:04

Sorry, average would have been a better word to use. I meant normal in terms of language acquisition and development.

OHforSUCKSsfake · 02/02/2014 23:10

rabbitlady I dont care when your daughter was talking, or even if your post was true. I properly belly chuckled at the 'I want to suck your nipple!'

Really, really made me laugh.

I have a 2.9 year old who is still breastfed.
I picked him up in tesco the other day and my top started coming down. I said very quietly to him "Oh no! My boobs going to come out!"

He started clapping and shouting "Yay! Boobies!"

OHforSUCKSsfake · 02/02/2014 23:11

No tell a lie, he shouted "Yay boobies are coming out!"

Which is so much fricking worse!

clarinsgirl · 02/02/2014 23:13

OP, as many posters have said, your DH really needs to grow up. It takes takes times to gain the confidence / knack of b/f in public and unless he's going to start lactating any time soon he needs to deal with whatever is going on whilst you are b/f.

Oh, and Caitlin you are ignorant and offensive and your time would be better spent learning a bit about child nutrition rather than posting vile comments on here.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/02/2014 23:13

Yay. Boobies! Grin

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 02/02/2014 23:17

Actually I have just remembered a really excruciating incident on a train when DS was about 3 and there was this aggressive, drunk guy who was pissed off that the train was delayed. He tried to engage DS in conversation about his football team, rugby team, tennis player etc and then laughed when he asked DS "What sport do you like?" DS shook his head, he asked "OK, what do you like then?" DS answered "Trains."

Just as the scary man was leaving DS whispered to me "I want milk." When I said no, wait, he said more insistently "I want to suck your booby!"

I was MORTIFIED because he NEVER EVER said things like that and I never used that kind of language for it. Scary man went into near hysterical laughter and said "He's a bit young for that isn't he?!" and then happily left the train Shock Blush

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