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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to bf in front of visitors

101 replies

Slh122 · 01/02/2014 13:06

I have a 10 day old baby and we're expecting family visitors this afternoon. DS is breastfed and I'm really not confident doing it in front of people yet.
I just told DP that when they come round if I'm still feeding him then I'll go into the bedroom until he's finished as I haven't quite worked out the logistics of feeding 'subtly' yet.
DP says he won't be left to 'play host' to my visitors and that if I go into the bedroom then he will too and no one will answer the door to them. He's given me a towel to cover myself up with
He says I'll just have to feed DS in here or delatch him, which I don't really want to do when I'm still establishing supply and DS has jaundice which needs flushing out his system.
I really don't want to sit here with my boobs out in front of people! AIBU?

OP posts:

Dinnaeknowshitfromclay · 01/02/2014 15:09

Your DP sounds like a complete prick to be honest! Sorry you have to put up with shit like that at a time like this.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 01/02/2014 15:11

If your DH can take over the breast feeding then you can entertain your guests. If he can't he just needs to suck it up and muck in where he can help. Refusing to answer the door is very childish, but sleep deprevation can do funny things to a person.

Caitlin, I think you should have a good think about why you find that yuk. Those sorts of comments usually make me think that the person saying them has difficulty seperating breasts, and sex.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/02/2014 17:46

Your dp is being unreasonable.

Also, are 18 month olds usually so articulate? Interesting.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 01/02/2014 18:20

My 18 month old has 5 words and can provide decent yes/no gestures with his head. I am now concerned!

He can shake his tail feather to just about any tune he hears though {clutching at straws for achievements today!}

Catsize · 01/02/2014 18:35

It is hard in the beginning, although I recall going to a huge family party two weeks after son was born and basically sitting there with him feeding on my bare right breast with everything quite a lot showing, as I had not gone armed with scarves etc and was too tired to care. Not sure what everyone thought, but never mind. Also remember the first public feeding session in a cafe. Was a two-man job with DP. After a while, once our son and I had both sussed out the whole thing, could have done it swinging from the chandeliers in the dark.

bebopanddoowop · 01/02/2014 18:42

Your DP is being ridiculous. It's totally understandable you want some privacy while you're getting used to BFing. Just get up and go feed your little one when you need to and leave him to deal with it.

BeeInYourBonnet · 01/02/2014 18:43

Poor you Op. Your DH is being a knob - unsupportive and insensitive.

darlingred · 01/02/2014 18:48

What a knob!

BFing your baby comes first. Grow up!

HenriettaPie · 01/02/2014 18:52

OP you dealt with it perfectly.

However I've never heard an 18 month old able to say 'I want to suck your nipple why won't you let me suck your nipple' my dd is 17 months and can say 6/7 words- I don't know any that can speak in sentences

Dawndonnaagain · 01/02/2014 18:53

Sorry but the 18 month old demanding a nipple is yuk.
How fucking rude, I rather thought we should support one anothers feeding choices.

My eighteen month, at his eighteen month check asked the doctor 'which colour brick do you want on to top, red, yellow, blue?' Doctor was surprised, but they're all different.

BrandNewIggi · 01/02/2014 18:58

I think rabbit lady's problem is teaching her toddler words like "suck" and "nipple" in the context of feeding - much less embarrassing if they say "want milky" or something similar..

Mine would just do his best to pull my top off.

GlitzAndGiggles · 01/02/2014 19:03

I remember visiting dp's mum while I was bfing and she made a big deal about me covering up saying I was suffocating dd and she would get hot but I didn't feel comfortable with 4 pairs of eyes watching me feed my baby! your child, your body!

Jinty64 · 01/02/2014 19:47

My ds1 had quite good speech at 18 months but I considered him to be quite slow after hearing my dn of the same age say " oh look at the statue Granny, isn't it a lovely statue" to my mother!

OP Your dh needs to sort himself out.

Seff · 01/02/2014 20:40

OHMYGAWD a child knows the word nipple???!! What kind of world are we living in??

FFS it's a word for a body part. Do you have similar feelings of "yuk" if a child uses the word nose, or eyebrow?

BrandNewIggi · 01/02/2014 20:48

It plays to the whole "extended bf is gross" brigade unfortunately. Any excuse to criticise, I find! I have seen other threads on here were posters have discussed what to steer their dcs toward calling a B&M feed, it is not unusual.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 01/02/2014 20:52

Sorry but the 18 month old demanding a nipple is yuk

No, Caitlin17 - your attitude is yuck.

OP - I know this isn't what you asked, but I hope it helps. If you want to feed in public (note the 'if'; it's your call) you need to learn the 'one up, one down' trick. Basically, always wear two tops - e.g. a vest with a T-Shirt over. Then when LO wants to feed one top (usually the top one) goes 'up' over the boob and the other one goes 'down' under it. By doing that you should keep yourself well covered and people will rarely even notice you're feeding.

pixiegumboot · 01/02/2014 21:01

My milk used to spray across the room! Got lots of muslins to cope but still couldn't feed without being virtually topless for 6 months. I just went into another room. Yanbu.

yonisareforever · 01/02/2014 21:01

caitlin

Sorry but the 18 month old demanding a nipple is yuk

I felt like you first time round Caitlin! I was not in the right frame of mind to BF at all and I even said to my DH I hated the pictures in the NHS leaflets with the way the babies were looking up at their mothers, they looked strange to me, I didn't like the look of the pictures, taken in the 80's of ladies in dungarees breast feeding.

Thankfully, second time round the whole experience has been totally different, and I am still BF now 15 months on and EBF too for ages. I actually find it a joy and its been a very special bonding time for me, very healing.

I understand your feelings C but I do urge you if you have another child, do try it again, don't close yourself off.

BrandNewIggi · 01/02/2014 21:02

..buy half a dozen cheap vest tops from Asda or the like and you're sorted! A mumsnet scarf can come in handy too.

BABaracus · 01/02/2014 21:03

For discreet breastfeeding, you can get nursing tops from shops like Hennes and Mothercare. I also used to loop a muslin under my bra and drape over baby's head. You could ask guests to leave the room while you get baby latched on and then drape over muslin for rest of the feed, while entertaining guests.

yonisareforever · 01/02/2014 21:03

18 month check? is there one?

FastWindow · 01/02/2014 21:04

truth thank you!! Don't know why I haven't thought of that myself, it's so simple. I have no boobs so none ever gets an eyeful while I'm bf... But everyone has seen my post baby belly. Lovelyyyy....

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 01/02/2014 21:07

Not in all areas yoni. In mine it was 9 months and 2 years, think most parts of the UK you just get one now which will be at 12-18 months ish.

EeyoreIsh · 01/02/2014 21:10

OP you handled it really well. I've a 6 day old and have changed rooms to feed apart from once when dd was already latched, and I covered up and asked visitors to leave when she delatched.

I've struggled to establish breastfeeding, so need to ensure the latch is correct, and I really don't want to do so covered up!

I hope your DP sorts his attitude out soon, if he's usually considerate it could be he's feeling a little overwhelmed.

bellablot · 01/02/2014 21:10

WTF. How childish is your DP??? How bizarre!

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