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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little upset that my mum doesn't know when my birthday is?

52 replies

wonkylegs · 31/01/2014 18:29

I'm the eldest of her kids and she admits she has no idea when my birthday is despite knowing when my brothers is, his girlfriends is and even his girlfriends mothers....
She doesn't seem to know (or care) when my DSs (her only grandchild) or DHs is either even if I remind her regularly up to the events.
She's never been great at the 'mum stuff' and I know I should have got used to it by now but it still makes me sad when another birthday rolls round and she doesn't even acknowledge it. (I'm not looking for cards or gifts just an acknowledgement would be nice) Sad

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 31/01/2014 18:30

Yanbu that is very upsetting. Have you ever asked her why she does this.

WelshMoth · 31/01/2014 18:31

Bloody tell her and hold her accountable. Angry

I feel sad on your behalf.

Sad but angry.

Shakey1500 · 31/01/2014 18:32

She may (and there's lots of us that struggle) not do the "Mum stuff" (to a degree but seriously??

How fucking hard can it be to write in on a calendar in big fuck off letters? Angry

Finola1step · 31/01/2014 18:35

Blimey. That is quite crap. I assume she was at the birth. I do sometimes have to think carefully about the order of numbers when I'm writing ds's dob as the day and year are one digit apart. But to just not know is v v odd.

If its your birthday today, Cake. if not, Cake anyway.

Pimpf · 31/01/2014 18:35

If she couldn't remember anyone's birthday, I'd say that you'll just have to suck it up, but the fact she remembers the others is terrible. Have you told her how hurtful it is? Has she explained how/why she knows theirs but not yours?

sandyballs · 31/01/2014 18:37

That is horrible. I'm sad that my mum no longer remembers my birthday but she has dementia. To think of her doing this when she was well Sad.

Have you asked your mum why?

Original poster
wonkylegs · 31/01/2014 18:38

I told her today when she phoned (not to acknowledge it but to tell me about her trip with a friend I don't know and about sorting out my brothers dog), she said ' oh is that today' and continued with her conversation. I interrupted and told her about DSs lovely card etc , at which point she then had to go. Sad
I once asked why she treated us differently and she said that 'she knew I'd always be fine so she didn't worry about me'
DH says she'll never change and I should stop hoping she will.

OP posts:
AngelinaCongleton · 31/01/2014 18:38

Mine neither, so sympathies. Mostly I find it funny, but underneath that it hurts a wee bit.

notundermyfoof · 31/01/2014 18:41

Sad that must be so hurtful. Yanbu.

Happy birthday Flowers

AngelinaCongleton · 31/01/2014 18:42

Yes happy birthday!

PedlarsSpanner · 31/01/2014 18:43

oh I am so sorry, that would hurt terribly

happy birthday wonky

tilliebob · 31/01/2014 18:45

Last year on my birthday my mum came into my house THREE TIMES before she clicked it was my birthday. She only realised then as she spotted the cards and then rushed to the calendar saying "Have I missed your birthday?!"

Since I'm in my 40's I got over it but vowed I'd never do that to any of my children as it's not a nice feeling Hmm

BigPinkBalloons · 31/01/2014 18:46

Wow that's really bad! Do you still acknowledge her Birthday? I hope not!

Original poster
wonkylegs · 31/01/2014 18:48

Thank you. It just makes me a bit sad deep down. I try to get over it and not expect more but every year I always secretly hope.
I'm going to have a nice dinner with DH & DS and be thankful that I have a wonderful family around me.

OP posts:
TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 31/01/2014 18:49

YANBU!!!!

Both my parents are the same.Mother I no longer all to for various reasons,dad I do and he avoids me on birthday.This year he did phone about something,I mentioned it was my birthday and he quickly made excuses to go,no 'happy birthday' or anything.

So,happy birthday from me for whenever your birthday is!

hiddenhome · 31/01/2014 18:49

Oh, you're a January birthday. Most people who have a January birthday are ignored when it comes around. They just don't want to know. It's the worst month to have a birthday in ever Sad

Your mum is a bit of an arse for being dismissive towards you though.

curiousuze · 31/01/2014 18:50

Happy happy birthday!

Your 'mum' is cruel, and your DH is quite right. Just let your own family make a fuss of you instead.

curiousuze · 31/01/2014 18:53

Oh and untrue about January birthdays. My sister, DH's sister and FIL all have Jan birthdays and we always have presents, cakes, meals out or drinks for them!

hiddenhome · 31/01/2014 18:58

I said, most people, not everyone Hmm

There have been numerous threads on MN about January birthdays and how posters hate having them because they're ignored or very little effort is put in.

Your own mother ignoring your birthday is rather extreme however. I'd send her a mouldy haddock on hers tbh.

Solo · 31/01/2014 18:58

Two years running (2011/12) my Mum didn't give me a card (cards are important to me, more so than a gift and she knows this), after the first time, she said "I haven't had time to go to the shop, but I haven't forgotten" the year after, I started reminding her about 3 weeks in advance and she said "I've not forgotten, but not written it out yet" (was a fib). But the first year she didn't get me one, about 5 days later she hands me a card saying "what do you think of this, it's for your cousin H" That hurt me the most. I do everything for Mum, including buying her all the cards for the family for her to give/send out...so why did she make such a big thing of going out and buying my cousins birthday card when she'd not got me one? we are 10 days apart. Anyway, I kept bringing it up in a jokey fashion all year! and last year birthday, she gave me two cards; one dated for 2012, the other for 2013. I asked her where 2011's was!! Grin

This year, I'll be 50. Best she doesn't forget it! hints are going to start in 3 weeks time!

glammanana · 31/01/2014 19:00

Happy Birthday from me wonky enjoy your meal with your family,how sad I feel for you but I do think your DH is right and she is not going to change now but I would certainly sit her down and tell her how hurt you are.

Solo · 31/01/2014 19:02

And Happy Biirthday OP :)

My Dd's birthday is Boxing Day. Doubt I'll ever forget that ~ even by accident! Grin

gamerchick · 31/01/2014 19:04

happy birthday :)

Mine forgot mine once.. I spent the whole day with her as well.

You'll never change your mother now but it is a green light not to bother with her special days. I don't think I could bother with a close family member if I couldn't even get a phone call. I'm not high maintenance when it comes to birthdays but it's nice to be acknowledged... especially by your own mother.

volvocowgirl · 31/01/2014 19:05

Happy birthday, wonkylegs!

Sorry about your mum Hmm

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 31/01/2014 19:09

If she remembers other birthdays, then it's safe to say she might well remember yours too. And makes a point of not remembering, if you see what I mean.

Do you think that this might be possible??