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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little upset that my mum doesn't know when my birthday is?

52 replies

wonkylegs · 31/01/2014 18:29

I'm the eldest of her kids and she admits she has no idea when my birthday is despite knowing when my brothers is, his girlfriends is and even his girlfriends mothers....
She doesn't seem to know (or care) when my DSs (her only grandchild) or DHs is either even if I remind her regularly up to the events.
She's never been great at the 'mum stuff' and I know I should have got used to it by now but it still makes me sad when another birthday rolls round and she doesn't even acknowledge it. (I'm not looking for cards or gifts just an acknowledgement would be nice) Sad

OP posts:
ArgyMargy · 31/01/2014 19:12

I hope you ignore hers too?

MyNameIsKenAdams · 31/01/2014 19:16

Ypu would think she would remember the first day she had ever given birth Shock

Divinity · 31/01/2014 19:24

Are you her scapegoat wonkylegs?

Happy Birthday! Cake

kilmuir · 31/01/2014 19:27

How awful
Happy birthday

GlitzAndGiggles · 31/01/2014 19:38

When I was living with my dad I'd never even get happy birthday said to me. Didn't even get a card when I turned 18. My nan always gets my dd a present a card and that's her great granddaughter fgs! I'm not a materialistic person but acknowledgement is nice! HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP!!

summertimeandthelivingiseasy · 31/01/2014 19:48

My mum used to do send mine late all the time :(

And totally forgot my wedding anniversary in the excitement of organising DS's wedding (which Dsis was organising being a grown up 32 at the time).

Out of sight, out of mind, in my DM's case.

Flowers Happy Birthday :)

smallandimperfectlyformed · 31/01/2014 19:54

YADNBU! Happy Birthday wonkylegs Cake

Oldraver · 31/01/2014 20:13

My Mum always used to 'joke' that she only remembered my birthday as it was the same day as the dogs Hmm.

It did piss me off that she says she cant remember what time I was born..

persimmon · 31/01/2014 20:15

That is officially crap of your mum. Bless you
clutching at straws - was your birth very traumatic and she's got a mental block?

willowstar · 31/01/2014 20:25

My mum usually remembers to phone on my birthday but that is it and has been for years. I do feel a bit envious of friends whose mums take them out to lunch or buy them presents etc, but that just isn't my mum. My dad used o phone on y birthday but hasn't for years now. My husband is utterly crap too.. I usually feel quite sad around my birthday.

BathTangle · 31/01/2014 20:29

Happy Birthday wonkylegs

I remember how upset I was when my mum forgot my birthday in the excitement of having found a new man (HE remembered as he knew me before he and my mum got together!) It's just a shitty feeling - hope you are having Cake and Wine!

maresedotes · 31/01/2014 20:29

Happy Birthday. Double celebration as Chinese New Year too.

eddielizzard · 31/01/2014 20:34

my mum hasn't remembered my birthday for years. is crap, so big hugs.

Mellowandfruitful · 31/01/2014 20:39

Happy birthday OP! Cake Flowers

Your mum is utterly crap. Think sadly your DH is right about not expecting any better. Write it off and think very carefully about how much, if any, of your time and attention you want to give her in future. I'd suggest zero to very little.

Solo that is also shit, and in your shoes I would stop buying any cards for your mum to give the rest of the family pronto, and saying 'Oh, it didn't seem worth doing that anymore as you clearly aren't that into sending cards'.

Holdthepage · 31/01/2014 21:08

Just make sure you forget hers too. It really is a crap thing to do by any standards, forgetting your own child's birthday.

Coumarin · 31/01/2014 21:17

Oh Wonky Sad

I think you'll just have to accept that she's being a weird arse even though it's really horrible behaviour on her part.

Hope you've had a happy birthday with your family and have a lovely birthday weekend (you're allowed three days if it falls on a Friday. There're rules.) Thanks

Solo · 31/01/2014 22:10

Mellow yes it is...I can't even 'punish' her with not buying cards anymore as a couple of months ago, she started a card making course, so she'll just make them in future I think. Is it bad that I want a shop bought one this year?! as it's a BIG birthday Grin

littledrummergirl · 31/01/2014 22:17

A few years ago my mum forgot my birthday. The following year I forgot hers! We were both unwell and the days just passed us by.

TalkinPeace · 31/01/2014 22:27

Mothers can be shit.
My mother's will executors include one of her children (not me) one of her step children and a friend of one of the above.
I've been told that my children only became of interest because others were busy.

Two years ago I realised that I could win the nobel prize and it would not make her proud of me.
It was a great revelation.

I now put all of my effort into being a better parent to my children than my parents were to me .

legacy is all

KarinMurphy · 31/01/2014 22:36

Happy birthday.

It's my son's birthday today too. I can't imagine not remembering.

I'm so sorry that your Mum is being crap. :(

RudolphtheRedknowsraindear · 31/01/2014 23:26

Happy Birthday to Wonkylegs,
Happy Birthday to you!
Cake Wine
Celebrate with your wonderful family that love you, * ANYONE else. Hope you had a great day!

Mellowandfruitful · 01/02/2014 00:02

Solo enjoy the big birthday! Well, I would stop sending her any cards anymore, if you have still been doing that. She doesn't deserve them.

Solo · 01/02/2014 00:08

Thank you, I fully intend to!!
I can't stop sending her cards. I'm really not like that and what if she died? I'd never feel good about getting back at her :)

LucyBabs · 01/02/2014 00:10

Happy Birthday wonkylegs

My Dad was emotionally dead when I was growing up.
He knew nothing about me and made my Mam and my siblings lives a misery.

There is no way he would have known my birth date.

It used to hurt so much but when I had my own dc I vowed to make their birthdays (and lives) so special.

Enjoy your birthday with your dh and ds

DaleyBump · 01/02/2014 00:13

Happy birthday CakeWine

My mil is the same. She even called on DH's birthday asking for money. She's met her grandson (her only grandchild) once and doesn't know his birthday either. I've been with DH since I was 14 and in all the years I've known him she's never even wished him a happy birthday. She doesn't care. Hate is a strong word but I absolutely hate the woman. Never has my dislike for someone been so intense. He pretty much never had a birthday growing up either. His face when I got him his first birthday cake... It's so upsetting to think about.