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AIBU?

To wonder why no one will help me

111 replies

SadderThanSad · 30/01/2014 23:22

I am living a nightmare. I have suffered a major bereavement in traumatic circumstances two weeks ago. I lost a child.

The grief is too enormous for me to manage alone.

I have seen my GP, seen a counsellor, spoke to numerous helplines, but I am going out of my mind with grief and torment and I just don't want to live any more. I'm not suicidal, I have a husband and other children who need me, but I wish the decision could somehow be taken out of my hands.

I have begged and begged for help, asked if I could somehow be sectioned or taken away, given intensive counselling or...look, I just don't know. But I'm literally dying inside and screaming out for some fucking help.

OP posts:

Report

Leverette · 31/01/2014 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreenPetal94 · 31/01/2014 14:05

You are grieving and you need to grieve. You could try a retreat, but it may be even worse if you are alone.

Over time the sadness won't go away, but it will change. Sending you strength.

enriquetheringbearinglizard · 31/01/2014 14:20

Sadder I just wanted to add my sympathy. I can understand why you are totally devastated

Apologies if this link's been posted before
www.childbereavement.org.uk/

Signing up to a bereavement workshop or a specialist retreat sounds good.

How are your DH and other DC?
Do you have someone who can stand in for you if you were to take a little time away?

AWhistlingWoman · 31/01/2014 16:36

Sadder I also lost DD1 neonatally. I've never felt pain like it, before or since. It turned my whole world on its head.

I've sent you a pm as my post was getting too long for the thread but just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking of you and your baby today.

Dingle your post about your Dad just made me blub. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter

Dingleinthevillage · 31/01/2014 20:23

Didn't mean to make you blub

Sleepgrumpydopey · 31/01/2014 21:02

The hospital should have a bereavement team to help u

Coumarin · 31/01/2014 21:26

I am so sorry. It's not enough, there are no words that will ever be enough but I am. My heart hurts for you.

X

SadderThanSad · 31/01/2014 21:27

I'm still here, just been too overcome with sadness to write all day

I spoke to a couple of organisations today, including some things mentioned here. I'm trying to be proactive and find help, but I really don't have the strength right now to he phoning and explaining again and again and again. I wish I could find someone to help me move forward, even a little bit

OP posts:

rabbitlady · 31/01/2014 21:29

gentle hugs.

expatinscotland · 31/01/2014 21:33

Would you be okay with a family member or your spouse/partner making the calls and then you okay it to the person on the phone? That might work.

I lost a daughter when she was 9 to cancer almost 19 months ago.

What you are feeling is normal and you are not mentally ill.

everlong · 31/01/2014 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SadderThanSad · 31/01/2014 21:53

Expat and everlong, I am so sorry for your heartbreaking losses. I thought I was immune to this, stupidly, I thought I would never experience this pain and my life would always be good. How naive I was. But now I see just how many people are suffering in the world and how it affects people from all walks of life - I was just reading about David Cameron and Gordon Brown's losses and the countless celebrities who have suffered stillbirths too.

I am a fool. We thought having our baby privately (private wing of NHS hospital) would guarantee a good outcome. It bloody didn't.

Sorry if this is a bit of a trite post. I just can't believe how fucking smug I was.

OP posts:

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:57

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I have no words of advice and simply cannot begin to understand how broken and agonised you must feel.

Please keep posting on MN if you feel we can support you.

wigglybeezer · 31/01/2014 22:26

It is not really just a bereavement though is it, it's a trauma as well and counselling is not going to be easy to cope with until the acute trauma /shock has abated a little. I think there are some treatments that can help people soon after a traumatic event, I am not an expert though, just know a little from personal experience ( someone in family, but not as serious a trauma as yours ). I will look some info up.

Paintingrainbowskies · 31/01/2014 22:44

I am so sorry.

I understand every word, I was where you are now 4 years ago when my daughter died suddenly and tragically in neonatal.

What you are feeling is totally normal. I sometimes used to call the Sands helpline and just sob into the phone. The samara tins are also there.

I used to feel like I wanted us to die in a car crash just to ease the pain. It's a low I never thought I would experience.

I know you can't imagine now but life does get easier and you learn to live with this awful loss.

It really really helps to find people who understand, a Sands befriender will usually come and meet you. Sands groups are good too. The sands private forum is a great place to speak to others.

RainYourRottingMyDhaliaBulbs · 31/01/2014 23:40

I just wanted to add my words of sympathy too. I have suffered sudden loss, and been at depths of despair and hopelessness. All words seem hollow, and you can't escape your own body, mind and brain.

Sometimes I thought if I could just go into a coma for a while to let time pass without me having to be in it, would be helpful.

Of course now, I know that grief is a process, and whilst your feeling all that you are, you are going through the process and you will come out of it.

RueDeWakening · 31/01/2014 23:56

Have PMed you x

Ariorangemum · 27/03/2014 17:26

My Heaven son - Ari Orange Wagasky

For 9 months I have been forced to endure this unimaginable to even myself living it life path.

If you are still breathing - you are amazing.

Be gentle with yourself and raw shattered soul.

What most keeps me going is seeing each day now as one that brings me closer again to my forever present tense loved by me son.

To wonder why no one will help me

JuliaScurr · 27/03/2014 17:33

cardiandcrocs · 27/03/2014 17:49

Oh my darling girl. I wish I could just hug you x

magimedi · 27/03/2014 17:53

Another hand here, Sadder

And to all of you who have lost children & are so brave in posting.

somedizzywhore1804 · 27/03/2014 17:54

So sorry to read this. I hope you get the help you need.

redcatblackcat · 27/03/2014 17:54

Would it help to talk about it here? i understand if not...

AcrossthePond55 · 27/03/2014 18:00

www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

www.tcf.org.uk

If no one has posted these links, the first is USA, the second is UK. Compassionate Friends is a group by and for bereaved friends. They can help because they've been where you are.

There is NOTHING to compare with the pain of losing a child. God bless you all.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/03/2014 18:00

sorry, should say 'by and for bereaved PARENTS'.

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