To wonder why no one will help me

[SadderThanSad]

I am living a nightmare. I have suffered a major bereavement in traumatic circumstances two weeks ago. I lost a child.

The grief is too enormous for me to manage alone.

I have seen my GP, seen a counsellor, spoke to numerous helplines, but I am going out of my mind with grief and torment and I just don't want to live any more. I'm not suicidal, I have a husband and other children who need me, but I wish the decision could somehow be taken out of my hands.

I have begged and begged for help, asked if I could somehow be sectioned or taken away, given intensive counselling or...look, I just don't know. But I'm literally dying inside and screaming out for some fucking help.

[springysofa]

It hasn't occurred to you because you're beside yourself and can barely think to make a cup of tea. I'm sorry, I don't know who you can approach (and I hope you get some PMs with some recommendations) but if not then perhaps contact the priory and ask for some suggestions from them. I'd still go back to your GP, though, to push for crisis team support.

I don't think it's counselling you need at this very early stage - it is human support, comfort and reassurance from professionals who know what they are doing.

[Morien]

I wish I had some constructive suggestion for you, but I don't. I'm so sorry about your baby, and I'm thinking of you.

[traininthedistance]

I'm so sorry to hear about your lovely baby :( :( the worst thing in the world that could ever happen, I'm so so sorry, love :( :( xxx

[bunchoffives]

You can look for a bereavement counsellor near you on the BACP site

Also, have you thought of talking to a priest/vicar/minister? They are very experienced in talking to people who are recently bereaved. Even if you have no faith they are good at listening usually and certainly won't be panicked or upset by you expressing your feelings and thoughts.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you are feeling. But please don't despair. Now is the time to grieve but one day you will feel better.

[Mrsrochesterscat]

This may be of no interest to you at all... many monasteries have facilities where you can go on 'retreat' - so called because you can retreat from life for a few days or weeks. They provide the tranquility, bed, meals and a shoulder to cry on (or no shoulder if you would prefer) some people go on retreat to find themselves, others to recover from trauma. For me it is somewhere quiet where I can recharge, sometimes I join in with discussions and prayers sometimes I stay in my room and only leave to eat.

[loveaspiring]

When you can, contact The Compassionate Friends. They are a charity for bereaved parents. They will help you and can point you to other helpful places too.

[MrsCakesPremonition]

I'd forgotten about Compassionate Friends. They supported our family years ago when my little sister died. My mum did some befriending for them later. I think they were a great support all of us.

[gelati3]

So sorry to hear of your loss. I was in a bad place a while back and for me, going somewhere where I could just scream and cry helped to release some of the pain. Also what bunchoffives says.

[Lodgecockers]

I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm so sorry for you, and so sorry for your lovely baby.
My Mum used to work for Cruse who are a fantastic bereavement charity. They have a telephone helpline and will understand what you want to say or scream. Take each minute at a time and be kind to yourself xxxx

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Sadder, you have lost your baby. No one can help that.. Everything you are feeling right now is natural and real. Please take the sedative that the doctor gave you. "Tired and sad" is the best you can get and a listening ear is the best anyone can do for you at the minute.

I am so sorry that your baby died.

[salsmum]

I don't know if this site may help www.gonetoosoon.org/about-us
it says they have an online forum I'm so so sorry to hear of your loss my heart goes out to you xxx

[Adeleh]

Just wanting you to know that I am thinking of you tonight xx

[Iworrymyselftosleep]

I'm very sorry your baby died. I don't have any useful information, I'm sorry. But I am thinking of you tonight.

[ColinFirthsGirth]

I am also thinking of you. I am so so sorry for the loss of your baby. xxx

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

[Pitmountainpony]

I am so sorry for your loss. Awful and none of know what you face...but a friend went through this...her 20 month just passed away in the night...sudden infant death. She was a perfect healthy little girl. It was heart breaking. But what is see is the family are surviving and findi g joy again and you will too but need to get through this raw period now. A good counsellor is a good place to start. I am so sorry as we all fear this thing but sadly some people face this fear like you are now.
It is not going to feel this bad forever, even though you will never forever. You just have to survive....whatever helps you do that. Do it. Sincere condolences for the loss of your precious baby.

[MsAspreyDiamonds]

I am sorry for your loss.Please go back to your gp and ask for sedatives which make you less sleepy. I found Bliss to be very helpful as it is a charity specifically for prematurity and they have specially trained councellors who deal with your situation.

www.bliss.org.uk/

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

Thinking of you here too. Be kind to yourself.

[ZillionChocolate]

SadderThanSad, I'm very sorry for your loss. This happened to a close friend relatively recently. In my limited experience,

1. What you're feeling is entirely normal
   
2. It will get easier in time. You will always ache for your missing child, but the intensity of the pain/shock will reduce making it easier to cope.
   

None of this is your fault. Even if you have a medical reason, it'll never make sense. It's just not fair. You did not deserve this, or provoke it.

[CumberCookie]

So sorry. Please see your GP again, maybe they didn't understand the full impact first time?

[WilsonFrickett]

I didn't pick up on your comment about being sectioned till I read another comment: you aren't ill sweetheart, you are grieving. It is terrible, awful, painful beyond belief, but you don't need to be sectioned and taken away from your family. What you're going through is a natural response to an unthinkable situation. It will get better, in time, but it is natural.

How are you doing today?

[angelopal]

So sorry for your loss. I lost dc1 neonatally and know how intense the pain is. Do SANDS have any befrienders in your area? They are people who have been through loss and trained to provide one to one support and should be able to visit you at home.

Everything you are feeling is normal. Have you been on the SANDS forums? I found them really useful as it helped me to know that I wasnt alone and there were others that were feeling the same way.

It is still very early days for you and will take a long time but it does get better. I know it does not feel like it now but it will.

[Dingleinthevillage]

Sadder, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter too. My Father drove us home from the hospital and the poor man (my hero!) was trying to make small talk and all I kept thinking was ' you actually know nothing, iI always thought you knew everything, but until you have lost a child you know nothing'. I'm afraid there are no experts to take away your pain. You will live through it, although at the moment you don't want to understandably. The knot will always be there but it will get looser with time.
I'm not in the least bit religious but strangely the chaplain was the person I felt best talking to. He was unjudgemental & made me laugh.