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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is an obscene amount of money?

113 replies

SenoritaViva · 28/01/2014 16:38

£1,000 for a stag do, and I suspect further costs will be incurred whilst there. 4 days, of which two will be travelling, so this does include flights.

At least it is so out of the realm of possibility for us that DH immediately said no, but nevertheless AIBU or terribly old fashioned to think this is an extreme ask of people, or is this now the norm?

OP posts:

TrinityRhino · 29/01/2014 10:17

its fucking ridiculous

gennibugs · 29/01/2014 10:22

It drives me insane. DH has got 4 stag dos this year, 2 of which are abroad and will cost a minimum of £1,000 each. The uproar that was caused when he politely declined one of the abroad ones was insane but financially there is no way we could do it and whilst I dont expect people to donwgrade what they want to do to please those that cant afford it, they should be mindful that not everyone can and will come.

2 of the weddings are also abroad which we are going to as they are v v dear friends. One of the others is in London, about 40 minutes away and when we declined staying over at the venue and said we'd drive home after (Im not a big drinker so happy to drive home in the early hours and the cost of the room to stay was £195), the bride and groom got in a massive sulk and created a drama about the fact that are going abroad for the other 2 so why cant we stay over and that clearly we didnt care.

To be honest its all sucked any excitement or feeling of looking forward to the weddings which is sad and left me feeling a bit resentful.

Grennie · 29/01/2014 10:26

The idea of paying for the bride came about when all a hen night was, was going out drinking. So it all meant was buying a few drinks each and paying for a taxi. Those going abroad are taking the piss.

Creamycoolerwithcream · 29/01/2014 10:38

Some of the weddings I have been to that have involved expensive stag dos have turned out to be either simple and cheap for the guests or quite posh but still quite cheap for the guests. I'm not sure if there is a correlation. The only wedding I have been to asking for money was my DM's and I was embarrassed for her as never heard of it before.

MissBattleaxe · 29/01/2014 10:44

The two months' salary on an engagement ring is a relatively recent invention by De Beers to increase spending on diamonds.

Exactly- you said what I was thinking. Two months salary- a proclamation made by a diamond merchant. It's so unfair on the poor sod who has to buy the ring.

MissBattleaxe · 29/01/2014 10:47

gennibugs- that is awful behaviour from so called friends!

It really annoys me when there is emotional blackmail from the bride and groom or hen and stag. It's outrageously unfair to ask guests to spend a lot and THEN put pressure on them when they can't.

DH and I have had our share of financial troubles and the worry and anxiety it causes is something I wouldn't ever wish on someone I cared for.

When did it become OK to get so greedy?

HesterShaw · 29/01/2014 10:48

Two month's salary on a ring is perfectly ridiculous. I chose mine and really didn't want DH to spend much as we were very hard up at the time. It's VERY pretty and it was about £200 iirc which was about a fifth of his monthly salary. I was dubious about that much.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 31/01/2014 12:09

I'm not actually sure it's even about affordability. I can afford to go away abroad, I just quite resent the principle of the thing. The wedding is supposed to be about the marriage, not the party, and I think that all of the surrounding nonsense (hen nights etc) have been completely blown out of all proportion. My poor DSis is dealing with the world's worst bridezilla who sent her hens three A4 pages of typed notes on what she did and didn't want. I'm not exaggerating, three full pages. Sent a year in advance. My DSis can afford a weekend abroad too, but is enormously irritated about the sheer nerve of the woman!

SookyLaLa · 31/01/2014 12:23

One of DH friends (a close one) had 3 stag dos! It was ridiculous...One was in Ibiza for 5 days, one was in a very touristy expensive part of the country and the other in the city where he lived.

DH is going to another stag do abroad in March. I said it's either that or a week to NY that we had planned. He chose the stag (I have been to NY before so OK with missing out) but it's the attitude that everyone has to attend these events to 'prove' what great mates they are??

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 31/01/2014 12:28

I dont understand this current thing with hens and stags. It seems like people are in competition to out do each other with the most exotic location or most outrageous antics or biggest group travelling etc.

My best friend got married a few years ago. We had a meal with her female work colleagues, myself and a few relatives then went for a few drinks. It was lovely. I woudnt have felt happy about having to spend a fortune travelling with a massive group of people i wasnt that friendly with.

sewingandcakes · 31/01/2014 12:35

I got married with a few close friends present, no stag or hen do, and had a BBQ at a friends house afterwards. I think the whole thing cost about £200, and the day was no less special for being simple.

I've never been the type to imagine a wedding/dress though, so I can understand that other people would spend loads. Expecting people to spend £1000 on a stag do is very unreasonable though.

YellowTulips · 31/01/2014 12:38

Depends on who you want to exclude I suppose.

If you want all your friends to be there (which is surely the point) then you "price" to what they can afford.

If you are (fucking shallow) and value a posh stag/hen bash at the expense of less well off pals (sensible people who actually have their priorities sorted) being able to attend then go right ahead.

I thin the only reason to spend this sort of money is if you are a millionaire and offer to pay for everyone to go.

Fancyashandy · 31/01/2014 15:31

Don't u derstand the big deal - it's not compulsory to go. If someone is being ridiculously demanding or you can't afford or don't want to go - then don't. Many folk really enjoy it. People go away for weekends a lot more now - sometimes it's good to have an excuse to get together - but only if you want to.

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