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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an obscene amount of money?

113 replies

SenoritaViva · 28/01/2014 16:38

£1,000 for a stag do, and I suspect further costs will be incurred whilst there. 4 days, of which two will be travelling, so this does include flights.

At least it is so out of the realm of possibility for us that DH immediately said no, but nevertheless AIBU or terribly old fashioned to think this is an extreme ask of people, or is this now the norm?

OP posts:
brettgirl2 · 28/01/2014 17:58

yanbu I would have fully expected no one to turn up if I had dreamt that one up.

Kendodd · 28/01/2014 18:02

You spend what your skintest friend an afford.

I agree.

What are they for these days? It seems it's not to spend some time with your best friends anymore because half (at least) wouldn't be able to come.

mrspremise · 28/01/2014 18:02

My friends and I went for a meal in a local brasserie, then out for a few drinks and a bit of a dance. DH and mates went to the rugby club for a boozy night of shouting abuse at each other. I simply do not understand why and when a stag/hen NIGHT became a weekend or even a week, often abroad and incurring often enormous costs for all involved...

BerylStreep · 28/01/2014 18:03

I had a meal with 12 friends and a couple of drinks. I really don't understand why it needs to be more complicated.

Original poster
SenoritaViva · 28/01/2014 18:10

Delighted I am not alone.

The thing is, as someone mentioned, he does have quite a high end city job. I know quite a lot of people that are quite successful but that doesn't mean that all your friends afford the same luxury. DH is on a good salary, but with family and our decision for me to stay at home with the children there isn't much left at the end of the month, even though we would be classed as well off by many. I am aware of my propensity towards being a bit tight, my whole wedding cost less than £500 so I am aware that I can't be trusted to judge these things!

OP posts:
Original poster
SenoritaViva · 28/01/2014 18:11

I had no hen night! But I think I could be friends with you all, you sound like sound, normal people. Surely there must be some flashy money spenders on MN though?!

OP posts:
NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 28/01/2014 18:16

It totally depends on the circle you move in.
it seems obscene if that is your household income for a month, if it is a couple of days wages then it is not.

if you think that an engagement ring in the olden days used to cost 2 months wages that would be a modest ring for some and a bloomin great rock for others. nothing has changed really

we all spend almost all of the money we have each month no matter how much we earn.

MaidOfStars · 28/01/2014 18:20

My husband's stag cost more than this. And it was abroad. For eight days.

However, to mitigate, he and the best man cooked it up and he didn't expect others to join in if they couldn't. As it was, they were a group of 10. Still astounded that there were so many willing participants except when you account for the number of new fathers seeking to legitimise a lad's holiday

Aelfrith · 28/01/2014 18:20

I had the nicest hen do...it was a gift from two friends, to me and another friend also getting married that same summer.

We were asked to keep a particular day free. We were treated to a surprise boat trip down the river and a picnic in afield when we got there. It was a sunny day and the food was all fabulous stuff (everyone bought a dish, except us brides) and there was fizzy wine and strawberries. Then we got the boat back. It was perfect. And cost about £10 each (£5 boat trip, £5 contribution to the food).

We were all students at the time and the day was our wedding present too as we were all jolly hard up. Me and three other brides shared a veil...joint purchase to save money and worn 4 times that summer and the summer after.

FrankieStien · 28/01/2014 18:21

YANBU. It's a massive amount of money.

People get on my tits with this kind of shit, expecting people to fork out huge amounts of cash because they've decided to get married.

FrankieStien · 28/01/2014 18:24

Ahhh, Aelfrith! That sounds lovely.

Aelfrith · 28/01/2014 18:35

Thanks Frankie it was. A lovely memory because of everyone's creativity and kindness. Chucking a £1000 a head at it wouldn't have improved it!

Aelfrith · 28/01/2014 18:38

And my engagement ring was £70. The 'month's wages' thing is ridiculous too.

NormHonal · 28/01/2014 18:41

Eek! My hen do cost all of £20 a head!

phantomnamechanger · 28/01/2014 18:42

Aelfrith, that sounds so lovely! people thesedays think its all about a big impressive extravaganza, when the B&G would be better off saving the money towards the wedding/honeymoon/new home. it amazes me that people genuinely think this is OK - we could afford it, at a push, if we wanted to - however, £1000 is a weeks holiday in the UK for 5 of us including day trips and meals out! do the same people then expect to dictate about guests paying to attend their wedding venue/sending out grabby poems for money/expensive gift lists?
It makes me so sad and cross that so many couples split up over finances/stress, when they have had the wedding of their dreams and started off life together in huge debt. It also makes me sad that other people feel they "can't afford" to get married - it does not have to cost much at all.

Ragwort · 28/01/2014 18:44

It is an obscene amount of money, but I also think that most weddings these days are an 'obscene' amount of money - weddings do not have to cost so much; I really can't bear the comment 'I can't afford to get married' Hmm - what most people mean is 'I can't afford the extravagant wedding that I want'.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 28/01/2014 18:47

this is just the same as any other conversation about money.

People who have spend more.
people who have less spend less.

What I feel is essential in my life may seem like a waste of money to others.

When the press got all het up a few years ago about elton john spending £100,000 a year on flowers. Who gives a F*&^ it is his money

bodygoingsouth · 28/01/2014 18:47

didn't have one and neither did dh.

what's the point? can't imagine anything worse than a girls holiday, a meal out and a few drinks is enough.

it's all about the showing off and face book photos nowt to do with friendship.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood · 28/01/2014 18:48

sorry got a bit carried away there.

you are absolutely right about the cost of a wedding is very different to the cost of getting married

phantomnamechanger · 28/01/2014 18:49

I really can't bear the comment 'I can't afford to get married' hmm - what most people mean is 'I can't afford the extravagant wedding that I want'.

yes, or even worse they mean we can't afford what other people expect

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld · 28/01/2014 18:49

I had two hen do's - one night out in London with SIL and a few others, then a night out in my home town with all the (male) friends who couldn't come to the first one. DH got a weekend at the seaside Grin not massively expensive, and everyone had a good time.

I don't understand the craziness, TBH. It's not like it's the last time they'll ever leave the house!

celebmum · 28/01/2014 18:55

I have a group of friends who haveball get married in the past few years all but one hen do (mine) cost in excess of £500.. for mine we wwnt to york races for ladies day and everyone said how much more fun they had them ay any of the spa wkends/booze nights we went on!

one friend is having a modest night out in the city.. she is actually getting married (and im going to that too!) in the Mediterranean tho! Shock

celebmum · 28/01/2014 18:56

so YANBU Grin

WelshMaenad · 28/01/2014 19:04

I went out for pasta for my hen do. So did my sister. I'm not shelling out for a boozy holiday that I'll hate for any fucker.

DontmindifIdo · 28/01/2014 19:09

I think in your 30s, those with and those without dcs have very different amounts of spare income. Without dcs, we would easily have £2k each month spare after bills (possibly more because we'd not have bought a family house near good schools!), but instead we have a fraction if this.

With that sort of disposable income, £1k on a stag/hen do would be no big deal, even though DH and I aren't city high flyers. If your DH is one of the few guests to have a family, then even if the others have much lower level jobs to the groom, they probably can afford it easily and won't see that your DH couldn't.