For those of you with 'bright' children, do you take the credit for it ....

[sandyballs]

..... or believe it's pot luck. I'm sick of hearing about a friend's 'genius' child and how it is all down to her parenting.

I know we can help by encouraging reading, blah blah, not constant screens etc, but it is pot luck isn't it really. If it's not how do you explain very different siblings, some who struggle, some who thrive academically yet have been brought up in the same way. This kid is an only btw.

I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but she winds me up and I'm curious as to what MN think.

I take the credit either way sandy
(though DH's input on both aspects also relevant I guess)

However I accept the nature aspect more than I did before I had children.
I've always realised children's development depends a lot on their environment and interactions with others, but I now recognise much more that a lot of their character and potential is in there already at birth, and feel it's more about supporting that natural development as much as you are able.

Retro I know exactly what you mean with regard to your dd.

Ds2 hated school, most of his teachers at secondary other than the two who really inspired him and his last day there was his favourite.

At Sixth Form, he's with teachers and peers and has found his voice, in fact he would say he enjoys college and his teachers say he's doing extremely well.

She'll get there.

No. I take no credit at all....DS is super bright, scares me sometimes..DD has ADHD and Autism...parented the same etc etc etc

I'd say 50/50

I think then more children you have, the more you realise that so much is outside your control

Pot luck. I have a genuinely extremely intelligent child - he doesn't struggle with anything academically, he just picks things up, knew all of his times tables (self taught) by aged 5, has a reading age 4 years above his actual age (and largely taught himself to read, he was fluent when he started school). And I have one who is emotionally intelligent and imaginative and engaging, but who is really not that academic and just seems to find the process of learning harder. To be honest I take more credit for nurturing that child's abilities (and pointing him in the direction of activities where he can really do well) than I do for the one who basically does it for himself.

We always say brains skip a generation to explain their success!

50/50. My IQ is supposedly 152-158 and I did pretty well in exams/at university and the children so far have done well too - so might be genetic. I found my mother's IQ test scores from her 50s after she died and they were very good for someone her age 140+ which doesn't surprise me as she remembered everything every said to her and was very very quick in speech and thought as we all are I suppose.

I agree with the references to the Freakanomics book above - it matters how parents are not what they do. Parents should not beat themselves up about how their children are. Just relax. I think children learn by example and do not need hours of parental input and forced extra homeworks.

I actually prize stoicism, endurance, tolerance, ability to keep going no matter what, fulfilling your promises, consideration of others, capacity to lead, self contentment much much much higher in terms of the qualities I want the children to have than exam results but I do think if they can pick careers where the pay is high and which are intellectually interesting and have capacity to work for yourself in due course that can be the best course.

I was a bright child brought up in an emotionally abusive home. I was never read to and had a Tele in my room. I was seen and not heard.

I ended up at university and with a first.

Though I think it's partially luck I do also thank my school and some great teachers

I believe intellectual ability is inherited, BUT, if you don't use it you lose it, as they say. I also think that if a child is not stimulated in the right ways as a baby, then the connections in the developing brain are not made, so a child that is born intelligent may not develop to their full potential and this lost time can never be made up for later! It is too late by the time they satrt preschool I would say.

So things we think make a big difference such as reading to our children, taking them to museums etc come out as less significant than WHO the parents are, which you could consider to be their genetics Or nature I suppose. It's interesting and not what we really want to hear as parents as we like to hear those things make a big difference.

That is interesting, based on that I take no credit whatsoever for any intelligence my kids have. I do, however, credit myself enormously for the fact they enjoy reading books (well - I have to console myself with something parentally worthy )

Creating a language-rich environment for your DC does increase their powers of self-expression.

Pot luck with my ds.
I did want him to do better at school than I did and encouraged it, but he turned out to be a whizz at maths and at the sciences.
I just got English and History Highers, he is now at university doing Neuro Science.

I think I can take some of (if not all of) the credit for my children's intelligence! If it's down to nurture, I taught them to read, and if it's all down to genes, well I chose their father!

I also think I would readily take the credit for my dses love of reading

We've always read to them and ensured that they have we access to lots of books. We have never restricted the purchase of books and wiled away many an afternoon in a bookshop.

We also all love non fiction books and our house is drowning under the weight of knowledge books of various types. Even in this age of the internet they love encyclopaedia type books.

My DD is bright, I don't take credit for anything really apart from her being a bit spirited (I'm still a teenager in my head) etc

Although I have a high IQ (which means feck all really), and understand intelligence is from the mother, I still maintain it's pot luck and fuck all to do with me!

Nope its all down to them

I have one particularly bright child, whom of the two eats less good food, has always had the least sleep, and the least time spent on them compared to PFB.

I think it's genes.

I think intelligence can at times vary from opinion. Many perceive good memory and knowledge of facts as intelligence, but really it's not - it's the ability to process these facts and knowledge, rather than just accept them. People like that often contradict themselves because they don't consider each factor. Anyway; I think it's mainly genes. I was very lucky to be born clever - my older sister however is completely average (we've both been tested). She takes after our mum, I after our dad - but am smart on completely different areas to him. Nurture allows the intelligence to blossom and develop, but I think it's very limited how many IQ points as such one can "learn". :)

Oh and I spent a large amount of my childhood reading and playing Sims. Don't think Sims developed much intelligence, but it didn't disappear :P Haha. Having a baby in 4 weeks and very curious to see how his brain works, as the dad is clever but in a totally different way than I am!

oldest dd. incredibly bright- off the scale in cat scores etc. COULD NOT BE ARSED. and scraped through gcse and a level and scraped into uni with the luck she frankly did not deserve.

I have 3 DS's, all are gifted but in different areas. DS1 is a gifted athlete, walked at 10m, ran at 11m, started playing golf at 2yo. He is also one of the most logical people that I know, so his current job in the Army as an Officer suits him perfectly. His DP is an Economist.

DS2 was gifted at Science and Maths. He was very ill as a child, most of our time until he was 11yo was spent in hospital. He is doing a degree in Civil Engineering, and is about to be employed by a firm in Australia for big bucks.

DS3 is gifted in Music and Drama. He has 7 musical instruments, that he learnt to GCSE level, within a week of getting them.

I read a lot, but am an Admin manager with over 40 staff. DH is a semi-pro musician, who is also a Driving Instructor. But, we always spent plenty of time, read with them, went out etc etc.

I think its 50/50.

My son's ability is his own. I like to think he has been encouraged to use it well and I have encouraged him to do his best, but I can't take any credit for his intelligence.