For those of you with 'bright' children, do you take the credit for it ....

[sandyballs]

..... or believe it's pot luck. I'm sick of hearing about a friend's 'genius' child and how it is all down to her parenting.

I know we can help by encouraging reading, blah blah, not constant screens etc, but it is pot luck isn't it really. If it's not how do you explain very different siblings, some who struggle, some who thrive academically yet have been brought up in the same way. This kid is an only btw.

I know it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things but she winds me up and I'm curious as to what MN think.

Absolutely!

I subscribe to the genetic theory, although it has surprised me to see it. Myself and my own father = very academic (Oxbridge). My mother and my partner less so. Our children = very academic. We've been non-pushy parents. No flashcards, no endless after school activities. Lots of TV and Minecraft. I just think it's in the genes.
What they do with it is a different matter, however.

I wonder if your friend feels very unsure re: other aspects of parenting, and is pointing out the child's brightness to convince herself that she's doing something right IYSWIM. And it comes across as bragging.

I know I'm inclined to make a big deal of DD's best points, because I'm very conscious of her extreme shyness, and feel that my own lack of social skills has rubbed off on her. Therefore I would be mollified to feel that she got some good traits from me too.

I think I am right in saying that maternal IQ is one of the biggest determinants of your child's intelligence. It is not clear whether this is due to maternal prenatal environment, genes or maternal nurturing afterwards, or as seems likely, a combination of both.

But it is unlikely to be all down to her parenting, a different child might be different and anyway, all this boasting will come round to bite her on the bum when her child departs from the life script she appears to have written for him.

My seven year old is working on stuff for the next year up, according to the school which is a high achieving school. I think this is in spite of me. I would be completely toast if mumsnet worked out how much screen time he has.

I will wait and see how that translates into the real world. And I'll love him to bits in the mean time.

Children are seen as "bright" when they do something faster than treir peers.

I have two adopted children who are not related to each other so I can perhaps give a different perspective.

We have raised them both in exactly the same way. We have provided them both with the same opportunities and encouragement to learn ever since they came to us as babies. We have always done lots of educational type play with them.

DS 8 is bright , picks things up easily , only has to be told once how to do something and then he knows it forever. He is top set for everything and we are told by the school that he is working at a level two years above his age. He could be doing even better according to his teacher. He is a bit lazy and never tries very hard, everything comes easy to him.

DD 5 is the complete opposite! She is on a reading recovery plan having left reception year not able to read anything but the most simple reading book. She is bottom set for numeracy and spellings but I am absolutely delighted with the progress she is making - as is her teacher. She is a hard worker and I know that she will always do her very best to succeed. She lacks confidence in herself though.

So to answer the OP , no I can't claim any credit whatsoever! They were both born to be who they are and all I can do is provide a stable home environment and gentle encouragement ,support and praise them when they do well.

I cannot take any credit whatsoever for DD's maternal genes but her paternal genes were chosen most carefully after many years of research .

I think it's the luck of the draw, however, both my parents are very knowledgeable and have passed some of their vast information onto myself and my sibling.

Also, I'm full of common sense and not so great at the edu stuff, whereas my sibling is very academic think honour degree/grade A student but with less of the common.

The only thing I think I can take credit for (as can my parents for us) is their manner, kind nature and happy disposition. For that, I am bursting with pride.

I've got two extremely bright, academically able children, and one (middle child) of distinctly average ability. They were all parented the same...

Thetallesttower

The current research shows that the educational attainment of a child's mother is the greatest determinant of that child's own educational success.

However, it's quite out of date and, as you say, makes no conclusion as to whether this is genetic or environmental (due to women generally being the primary carer).

There is current research underway to see if it makes much difference if the Father is the primary carer, or if both parents have equal time with the DC etc. I think it's going to be fascinating .

Nature and nurture innit. It's impossible to separate the two, though identical twin studies go some way.

DS1's wonderful eating habits were of course all down to our great parenting. Then we had fussy eater DS2. His eating habits are all down to genetics. Oh...that's our fault anyway

2 out of my 4 children r incredibly bright , 2 average, just way there born.
all 4 are encouraged the same way :-)

I'm fascinated by how personality traits run in families. Maybe because I am not genetically related to my DSSs (though nevertheless live in the same close proximity as biological parent might), but I constantly spot things they do that DP does, that his father does, that his uncle does... And they are not learned behaviours - they are innate talents/skills/annoying traits!

No I don't think it has much to do with anything I've done.

There's not just potential-there's having the ability to achieve that potential.

Dd1 is "bright" not genius level, but in her subject top 3 (not sure where she fits in to the top 3, they seem similar) of the 300 pupils in her year. She also has been lucky in that she always seems to have been in groups where she has someone to challenge her, which helps-and also means a teacher has given them as a group extra stuff.
But also she is a very hard worker. She spends about three or four times the length of time on homework, even when she hates the subject, than she should. Because it is always to the best of her ability. (perfectionist+art+not artistic=lots of time and frustration )
That is the way she is. She will achieve, because if it is difficult she just spends longer figuring it out. I have not asked her to do this, or needed to encourage her. She will always do that voluntary homework, go the extra step etc.

Dd2 is different. She is "bright". From when she was preschool she was quicker to catch onto some ideas than dd1. I remember asking her aged just 2yo to bring me 7 bricks. She handed me 3, then handed me 4, and said "that's 7". No counting-she just "knew it"-and upon looking found she could do that with all sorts of different numbers.
She is lazy. if she can get away with minimal work-she will. And isn't too worried about it. If she gets 3/10 on her spellings. Oh Well! At least she didn't waste the time revising them! She probably actually knew them (v. good natural speller too) if she really thought about them. Just didn't.
She's also been in groups that have been more challenging behaviouralwise. And because she doesn't push to do her work, she can happily glide along round the top, when dd1 would have been asking for extentions and wanting to be the top. If she doesn't like the subject then goodbye to any more than minimal work.
I don't know whether dd2 will achieve. If it's something that catches her, she may. Or she may decide a little bit of work and a lot of fun is better. That's where I need to help her. Only she can decide to work, but I can encourage her.

But dd1 is dh in work ethic. Dd2 is an exaggerated me. Is that genetic, or is that them seeing the way we approach things and picking it up from us? Hard to tell.

This is primary age I assume?

Here we have two children with different ability levels at primary school. (The teachers wind me up slightly as the one who struggles with writing is often labelled as lazy. The lazy one is the whizz kid! )

Achievement is potential plus environment in a young child and efforts in the older child.

Both of mine are average to poor at sport and will never do well at team sports but one has persevered at martial art and is doing well.

It is easier to mould the environment of a young child, however they grow up and start making their own friends and their personality comes more and more into play.

If you take the long view with this sort of thing it stops being annoying and becomes just a quirk of the parent(s) involved.

I would never take the credit for it. Firstly they would be treated the same even if they were not 'bright' - so maybe my parents and theirs should take the credit & secondly so many factors have an affect on them that are out of my control that they should themselves take the credit for decisions they make that affect their development/experiences that assist them. Not great reply as in a rush.

its born into them. I'm not stupid but it was definitely their dads genes that made them so clever

Yes. It is all down to me. They are 'bright' because I paint them with fluorescent paint every morning.

As for intelligence, maybe some of it is genetic both their father are intelligent (I guess, IQ and qualification-wise) and I certainly spend time reading, doing puzzles etc with them but they are young and in all honesty it is very difficult to really say until they are more challenged at secondary school. In any case what counts is whether they make the most of it when they get there. I'll encourage them but I'm sure they will have minds of their own. I;d say my eldest would be more inclined to be academic but you never know.

Bonsoir I once saw a long lost uncle on TV and was shocked at the mannerisms he shared with my Father. They were not brought up together beyond early childhood.

It would be great to be able to observe one's relatives from the past who one has never met!

DP's father and DSS2 are both early for everything. In DSS2 this trait only emerged when he was able to get himself around and about - so at 11/12. DP is very, very punctual and will probably become ridiculously early for everything when he's retired and has less to do.

Tbh.

I think its a mix of nature and nurture.
dd is a very gifted musician, she has 2 older siblings who also showed ability. The older siblings were encouraged but not pushed had a try and didn't want to continue.
Our house is full of music from 9am - 8pm so its really part of the environment, dh is a pro musician and tutor.
From being about 2.5 dd has made it her business to play music, she can't get enough of it and seeks world famous status, seriously.
Her talent is innate but she is encouraged and supported throughout, so maybe a bit of both.
It is hard when people praise them all the time, I find it difficult tbh.

My eldest is academically good at science and maths. My youngest struggles but is sporty, loves drama and is the most sociable of the two.
Both raised the same and both as wonderful as each other!

Ds1 very bright. Ss grammar finds most things easy. Had a reading age of 14 when he was 7. Ds2 is the opposite and struggles with new ideas.
Dd is still in primary. She has little confidence in her abilities in school (is in middle set), she finds the work easy and nearly always gets the answers correct but is still in the middle. She is doing stuff at home that Ds1 struggled with at her age.
I just hope they all grow up with a healthy work ethic.