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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

533 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 26/01/2014 10:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

OP posts:
GingerBlondecat · 28/01/2014 06:03

I wouldn't Apologize either, they are taking the piss.

HappyMamaBear · 28/01/2014 06:07

YANBU you have since made it clear you'd rather do one meal on Sunday, I think they are now trying to railroad you into sticking with the original plan, and I think you should completely cancel, yes.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 28/01/2014 06:08

aquashiv To be honest, I'm surprised myself. I've decided that after this weekend, I'm going to distance myself from them as much as possible. Actually, I had already been cooling my connections with them for the last couple of years but this has made me realise that I don't actually like any of them that much and life's too short to stay friends with people who I don't really enjoy spending time with.

We got to know each other in uni and we're all mid/late thirties now. I have a bunch of closer and more considerate friends who would see this was unreasonable and who I actually enjoy spending time with.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 28/01/2014 06:09

Shock what an entitled bunch of arses!

Don't apologise but definitely cancel.

Then seriously, seriously consider whether you actually want these people in your life.

GingerBlondecat · 28/01/2014 06:10

See. They are not true friends anymore.

I would never put my Friend through all this.

FrankieStien · 28/01/2014 06:12

Pull the plug on the whole thing. Then distance yourself from these cheeky, entitled fuckers

ChasedByBees · 28/01/2014 06:12

That sounds perfect. Cancel it!

ChasedByBees · 28/01/2014 06:18

One correction:

'look all, really sorry but I don't think I can not put you all up for the night and you all obviously want a whole weekend away instead of just the dinner that I originally agreed to, so unless anyone else wants to host, I'm going to have to cancel the reunion at mine and you can make arrangements for somewhere else instead.'

They will obviously seize on any thing, so remove the 'I don't think'. Saying "you can make arrangements for somewhere else instead." Does sound like you don't intend to be there, but hey, they made these plans without you!

YellowDinosaur · 28/01/2014 06:30

Cancelling now would not be unreasonable. How've you could also say ' excellent, so you want a list of b and B's or are you already sorted? This making it clear she is not staying with you.

To be fair of course someone travelling for 500 miles isn't going to come on the day for dinner then fuck off are they? That doesn't mean you have to host her but she's obviously going to stay over somewhere.

JapaneseMargaret · 28/01/2014 06:35

Pull the plug. You have nothing to lose.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 28/01/2014 06:40

Absolutely cancel the whole thing.

Even long distance but nice friend is taking the piss now!

You don't sound bothered or need this group of friends so sack their grabby arses off.

Please update Wink when they pull their sad faces.

AllOverIt · 28/01/2014 06:56

Absolutely cancel the weekend.

If they're pissed off, who cares? They're no loss.

birdybear · 28/01/2014 07:10

Ridiculous. Let us know what they say!

Roshbegosh · 28/01/2014 07:13

You are making a choice OP. If you choose to go ahead with this madness then you should stop moaning. Personally I would choose a nice weekend doing what I want with the family rather than a weekend of seething resentment and martyrdom, but hey, choose whatever you prefer.

eddielizzard · 28/01/2014 07:22

yes yes yes cancel. and make no apologies.

'look guys, i can't have you over to stay. i've tried to accommodate you in some way but as you're set on the whole weekend it just doesn't work for me. all best, thediet'

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 28/01/2014 07:28

Roshbegosh I'm not moaning. I started this thread just because I wanted a second opinion on whether they were being unreasonable or I was and to figure out how to get out of a situation that I found myself in because they had taken advantage of my acceptance to host. In the process of explaining what was going on, I talked about what they had discussed and how I actually felt about them. If you think that's 'moaning' then you were just reading the thread Ina different tone from the one I was writing in.

Sometimes, you just need to see a situation from another's point of view to realise how ridiculous it is.

OP posts:
TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 28/01/2014 07:33

Was the 500 mile away one the nice one who you were initially going to host even when it was just dinner?

MintyChops · 28/01/2014 07:46

I wouldn't cancel but I would put up a message saying "Hey Long Distance Friend, no-one is staying over at my house on Saturday, we are having dinner here on Sunday. Perhaps Gobby Friend could put you up, otherwise try Random B&B"? Then don't get involved in any future reunions.

Pippilangstrompe · 28/01/2014 07:52

I would just cancel, tbh. Especially as you don't really want to stay in touch with these people.

littlebluedog12 · 28/01/2014 07:53

I think you should call the one who thinks she is staying overnight on sat rather than playing it all out over text messages. Maybe she's got the wrong end of the stick as you originally said she could stay?

pigletmania · 28/01/2014 08:10

Op how rude of them, I would cancel the whole thing, like you said they are not close friends and ones you don't mind loosing so you have nothing to loose. They all sound very rude, with a total lack of manners and consideration. You have made yourself clear, they are disrespecting you. They sound like freeloaders!

pigletmania · 28/01/2014 08:13

Just cancel, you don't like them, it would be hard to host people I don't actually like tbh

JohnnyUtah · 28/01/2014 08:14

But how can the nice 500 mile one just come for Sunday dinner after 5pm? How will she get home?

pigletmania · 28/01/2014 08:18

Diet I would use the last paragraph of your tue 05:55 post. Even long distance friend is rude presuming she is staying over and inviting others to stay at your home how cheeky. That would really put my back up!

PotsofGold · 28/01/2014 08:18

Far away friend could stay at Chez Gobby for the weekend (along with the bloody rest of them).