To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

[nauticant]

You were gracious, some of them were twats, and you can now step back from this group with dignity. And you've learned some useful lessons. Overall, it's a pretty good result.

[crypes]

Perhaps they all thought you were actually hosting " come dine with me" where they have a tour of the house and go through your cupboards and drawers making fun of you, they don't compliment any of the food or house, they get all that entertainment for free, they make nasty remarks .Perhaps they secretly marked you out of ten on the way home).

[DuskAndShiver]

Gosh TheDiet you did really well!

Sounds to me like a group with a horrible dynamic set by a couple of people. They probably think they are "sassy" or something. The others would probably never have jumped on this "all back to TheDiet's" thing in such a rude way initially, if there wasn't this weird dynamic.

Well done, you have been utterly gracious and need never cast your pearls before such swine again.

I particularly admire your being able to enjoy, and recognise your enjoyment of, the outrageousness:

"I think I have developed a type of morbid fascination with the rudeness of it all."

I know exactly what you mean!

the dividing up the flowers thing is unbelievably rude.

[KatoPotato]

Well, you got through it diet well done!

Thank you for keeping us informed, it's been a pleasure. Now, when is the MN weekender happening? - I do not want your DH there by the way!

< not for sharing!

[winkywinkola]

Was she drink when she divided up the flowers? That is just bizarre.

Do you think the rest of the group would really like to be closer friends or they imagine they are closer than they really are?

I would personally slowly and permanently fade from view.

[winkywinkola]

drunk I meant

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

winkywinkola I think they would like to be closer actually. The thing is, after college, I kept in touch with my own group of friends and they are the ones that come to mind when I think of my 'real friends'. These ladies were my classmates so we studied together and had the same lessons so I didn't actually choose them as my friends- they were there. I did have things in common with them and although I didn't really love them to bits I did like them a one point in my life. Since we moved on from college I hardly ever rang them. I have a phobia dislike for the phone anyway. It gives me a headache and makes my ears hot and I hate not hearing the voice clearly at the other end, so I tend to avoid talking on the phone as much as possible but that's another story. I always received calls from them but hardly ever initiated the contact myself. Except with one of them who I would call regularly. We had a huge reunion at the college itself about four years ago and at that time I spent the day with my 'real friends'. Although I spoke to these ladies and they were all sitting together with each other, I just stopped by them for a few hugs and a brief chat.

DuskAndShiver you're very right there. It's interesting how many of you all seem to pick on aspects of their behaviour and are able to analyse the dynamic just from what I write. I do think that some of them are not really as rude and audacious all the time but the demeanour of a few set the tone for the rest of them and then they all jumped on the bandwagon. One friend did text me in the lead up saying they honestly are acting very entitled and need to step back and consider how they would sound to an outsider. They got carried away I think and didn't realise what they sounded like. All except the Rude One. Tbh, she's always been like that. I had to share a room with her for two years and she would upset people regularly.

Funkybold when I stepped in to the kitchen whilst she was helping herself to leftovers I was a little stunned. I couldn't think of what to say and how to say it without being too rude. I would have really embarrassed her if I'd said 'Ahem, I don't think so..' and taken it out of her hand. I couldn't think of what to say or do so I just stood there and gawped a bit then told them to worry about that afterwards and shooed them all out of the kitchen as we were going out to visit one of our old teachers who lives 10 minutes from me. I did whisper to my 10 yr old DS as we were heading out to nip in the kitchen and hide all the best things whilst we were gone but to leave what they'd already packed.

KatoPotato I really can't hear you....? You'll have to say it louder?? Oh look, what a lovely bunch of flowers you've handed me...
See, I've learnt. ;)

[ChasedByBees]

I think I would have embarrassed her - I think she could take it. I mean, going into someone's kitchen to take leftovers after they've made you a lovely meal is just not normal.