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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

533 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 26/01/2014 10:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/02/2014 14:05

Plenty of posts but nothing since
reuniongate as far as I can see on my tablet.

I wonder if she's been busted by her mates who may have seen the thread

< strokes chin and ponders>

ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 14:08

Thanks for san Diego who at least came back.....

glasgowsteven · 07/02/2014 14:36

lets all send her private messages they will go to her email inbox

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 14:53

Sorry all, I'm inbetween phones at the moment so haven't had much time to come on mumsnet from my laptop. It's been at the back Of my mind to give an update but never really made time until I received a pm from SanDeigo.

Haven't read the last few pages but to update: We ended up cancelling last weekend because of impracticalities for a few and have now postponed to this weekend. We've settled on no one staying over at mine and me hosting a lunch only. There still seems to be a few things that everyone's dawdling over and I've taken to just ignoring all the incessant planing and replaning discussions that are going on over whatsapp. I can't be asked talking about it all the time and just want them to give me a decision when things are all finalised. It's taking up enough of my time without having to endlessly discuss whose coming and whose not, whose staying, what time they're all coming and going as whose bringing kids and partners and who isn't. It's getting boring to be honest. Even today gobby friend wrote that she might not have the car. I was left just rolling my eyes to myself as dramatically as I could muster in the privacy of my home- after all the headache, she's the one who can't seem to make it.

It's becoming a chore just talking about it. There's no excitement and anticipation left for me any more. Just feel like getting it over and done with. I'm sure I'll enjoy it once they're all here, but in the meantime it's becoming more of a headache then it's worth.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/02/2014 14:58
YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/02/2014 15:02

Yay, an updateGrin

Bloody hell, they're a right bunch aren't they.

It all sounds bloody tiresome.

ohfourfoxache · 07/02/2014 15:04

Fgs just cancel, life is too short to waste doing things with no enjoyment left in them, especially if you don't have to. Sounds like you're being pressured immensely, do what you want to do - seriously.

Thanks for update btw!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 15:04

Just read the last few pages if the thread. Shock I had no idea my absence had caused such frustration. Sorry! But, hey, reading back has kind of cheered me up! Grin.

I wasn't going to say this...... actually, I probably still shouldn't....you'll all think I'm crazy. And shallow. But now I've started...

One of the reasons I didn't get a chance to sit down with my laptop was because I'd taken on the mammoth task of tidying up the entire house before they came. And then I painted the whole house. You'll all think I'm daft but Ive wanted to do it for a while and the thought of gobby friend poking her head into each room and making remarks spurred me on. I painted each day after I came back from work and had the kids all into bed usually for about 3-5 hours each day and often until 2am. I painted seven rooms in 5 nights and bought a few bits and pieces to spruce things up. It felt a bit like one of those instant house makeovers. Now everything looks spick and span, so that's another good thing that's come out of it all.

OP posts:
ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 15:07

Don't worry op my house only ever gets primped and painted when I have guests coming to stay Grin

Thanks for coming back Smile

If you're dreading this weekend as much as it sounds like you are, then "do a gobby", and cancel on everyone and just spend time eating all the nice food you would have cooked for them with DH instead

Hope he got home ok by the way

AuroraRoared · 07/02/2014 15:08

Omg, that really is commitment to a lunch party!

Sorry you're feeling fed up with the whole thing. Hopefully they'll all bring lovely wine and sparkling conversation and you'll have a good time in spite of yourself. Wink

glasgowsteven · 07/02/2014 15:08

Yoour hosue got nicer and they never stayed over.

And think, now you never have to see any of them again (well after this weekend)

YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/02/2014 15:08

HahahaGrin ah Diet bless you, you must be knackered!

I bet it looks fabulous.

ohfourfoxache · 07/02/2014 15:08

Oh diet Sad that's not good - brilliant that you achieved so much in such a short time (fancy visioning me? Could do with a massive freshen up!) but not good that you're under that amount of pressure

KatoPotato · 07/02/2014 15:13

Awww diet you're very good to us!

I'm still coming this weekend though yes? I plan to bring nothing!

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 15:13

Thanks PearShaped he did. He's been asking me for updates daily too. I think he's quite enjoying the drama of it all and is also surprised at how something as simple as a dinner can be dragged out for so long.

I don't think I can cancel now. The friend coming from furtherest has made travel arrangements now and I feel it would be unfair on her to cancel.

OP posts:
ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 15:15

Then use us to vent my dear Wink

We'll be here < rubs hands together evilly > encouraging supporting you

YouStayClassySanDiego · 07/02/2014 15:18

Don't cancel.

You could do a running commentary, set up a laptop and do a live thread.

Only kidding not

ohfourfoxache · 07/02/2014 15:21

Diego Grin

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 15:21

Well, it definitly looks a lot better and it needed doin so this actually made me focus and get it done. DH was flabbergasted when he came home. I didn't tell
him because I know he'd have a go at me for doing so much all at once. I've asked him to change the carpets and replace the fireplace too because it's been on our list of things to do but he's not having any of it. [hmmm]

Kato, having a bunch of strangers from MN over for lunch actually feels a lot less stressful than having a group over that includes a few judgemental friends. You never know, one day I might just do something crazy like invite a bunch of you over.:)

OP posts:
pigletmania · 07/02/2014 16:26

Thanks diet, gosh it all sounds so stressful. I bet you hoe that they don't turn up and yu can enjoy the lovely food Smile

pluCaChange · 07/02/2014 16:31

Wahey!

Do you think a gentle request to wrap things up might improve things for everyone? There must be some friends in the group who are going mad with all the dithering, and if it's already been postponed twice (1st time when they talked about descending on you immediately), they might be getting wuite scared of committing in case it never happens!

MintyChops · 07/02/2014 18:13

Thanks for the update Diet, it sounds like a right pain in the arse with all the dithering but at least your house is looking great. Hope it goes well and is somewhat enjoyable....

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 19:59

One of them who is a single mum has just texted to say that as we've delayed a week, she has all the kids this weekend and will be bringing all four of them with her.

OP posts:
JapaneseMargaret · 07/02/2014 20:00
Shock
nilbyname · 07/02/2014 20:04

Holy moly, extreme makeover, reunion style! Love that.

Keep us updated, this thread is awesome!