Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

533 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 26/01/2014 10:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

OP posts:
Hissy · 07/02/2014 20:04

Diet, woman-up!

The single mum with 4 kids will have to make it another time then, it's too much! Why are you not cancelling this whole thing?

RandomMess · 07/02/2014 20:08

Count me in for the MN lunch, if you're quite far away I'm happy to stay over Wink

nennypops · 07/02/2014 20:18

Shock at the mindset here. In what world is it acceptable to dump another four guests on someone whose house will already be choc-a-block without so much as asking if she minds?

ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 20:36

Oh good grief op it keeps getting worse! Whilst I sympathise for single mum friend, as she was probably looking forward to a weekend away without her kids last week, she cannot just assume you're ok having another 4 mouths to feed / entertain Shock

This is turning into a farce!

Ooooh. Could gobby look after them as she may not be coming?! (Evil plan coming together)

ChasedByBees · 07/02/2014 20:52

Did she ask or tell? Exceptionally rude if she told you. You don't have to accept it.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 07/02/2014 21:39

She just said 'I'll have all mine with me this week so will bring them along.'

Is that unreasonable? I can't decide. If you look at it outside the context of this thread, would you say to a single mum friend who is planning to come over that she can't bring her kids along?

I've almost forgotten what's normal.

OP posts:
ThePearShapedToad · 07/02/2014 21:45

How old are the kids? Ie: would they be happy with pizzas and Doritos and playing video games in the spare room, or are they younger and would need supervision?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 07/02/2014 21:47

It's a ball ache for her that the weekend switched as she probably joined in in the first place on the basis that it was her child free weekend, but still a "would it be ok if..." Is the minimum politeness demands!

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 07/02/2014 21:48

(Assuming you are still cooking and not going out for lunch now -?)

Charley50 · 07/02/2014 21:49

Why shouldn't she bring her kids? I think some posters are being so negative and miserable here. They are your friends!! Just ignore people who are saying cancel or tell people they can't come and enjoy yourself. The older Kidd will all entertain themselves or each other. Let's face it you can stick them in front of a screen with some popcorn and you'll barely hear a peep out of them.
Make pasta and pesto for the kids it costs fuck all and most children love it.
You can't cancel now so just embrace it, enjoy it, get pisded with your old mates and ignore the miseries on here. You have a seven bedroom house! Be happy!
...And don't forget to update us tho!

Charley50 · 07/02/2014 21:53

Sorry lots of typos. And if the kids are younger their mums can make sure they are looked after, you aren't responsible for them. It will be fine.

Kundry · 07/02/2014 22:01

It would be normal for her to say 'would you mind if I bring them along?' and possibly say she'll bring food or suggest something very easy for them. And appreciate if you said no.

I think you're right leaving them to just talk amongst themselves regarding arrangements as the whole thing sounds like herding cats.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 07/02/2014 22:01

Charley, bringing the kids is sensible, not asking if it's ok, if you can bring anything extra for them etc is not.

Charley50 · 07/02/2014 22:17

Doctrine; maybe, but maybe she thinks she is a friend and presumes her kids are welcome as others are bringing their kids. Maybe she just thinks it wouldn't be an issue for the OP? A little tactless maybe, but not particularly rude.
I just think too many people on here are being negative and encouraging resentment in the OP over what should be a nice reunion. Obv it is going to be a bit stressful for the host, always is, but she can still enjoy it if she allows herself to.

Catsize · 07/02/2014 22:17

Hooray!! OP is back! I was starting to get seriously worried that she really WAS locked in the oven or something.
I like the idea of a MN lunch at your place OP. Only because it is newly decorated mind you. I do a mean pavlova... Grin

Catsize · 07/02/2014 22:18

Oh, and I can now sleep at night...

Thumbwitch · 07/02/2014 23:40

Oh lordy Diet - what a trojan you are doing all that painting!!

As far as the single mum is concerned, I'd say it's fine for her to bring her brood along so long as she brings lunch for them with her. Bloody cheek suddenly adding an extra 4 mouths to the table!!

Have any of them concretely agreed to bring any contributions to the meal? Because I'm still Shock that they think it's fine to saddle you with the whole deal, it could be enormously expensive for you, especially with all the add-ons!

I'd also have given them a deadline of yesterday to say how many people were coming as you needed to know numbers.

I can't believe how they've managed to spin something so simple into such an all-out production...

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 08/02/2014 11:18

Thumbwitch no-ones really agreed to bring anything. One of the them, offered to bring a swiss roll dessert and one offered to bring pasta. Both offers were hearted and after we'd decided no-one was staying overnight any more I told them not to bother and that I'd cook for them all.

Anyway, last night one of them, who has always been the rudest of the bunch (this is someone besides gobby friend) wrote on the group that my DH 'better not be in'. I had not really participated much in the chat during the day, although I'd read it all, but when she wrote that I asked if she was being serious. She said she was and repeated it again. He had previously said he'd be going out in the afternoon to see to a few errands but despite that, I told that he very well would be in and it was his house so what did she expect.

She wrote 'Can't you get rid of him? Send him out or something.' I told her I could but I wouldn't and that she was very rude to suggest it such a way. anyway, we exchanged a few words and I put the phone away after 5 minutes as I couldn't decide if I was overreacting to a light hearted comment or if she really was being rude.

OP posts:
Kundry · 08/02/2014 11:27

No she's being rude. It's your and DH's house, he's entitled to be there whenever he wants.

She however is not.

How many of them have been rude and entitled now? I'm counting at least three of them Sad

Get the weekend out of the way. Then never ever contact any of them again, these people are not friends they are users.

ThePearShapedToad · 08/02/2014 11:30

Shock Shock Shock Shock Shock

Sorry op

Insult me, I will work round it

Insult and be rude towards someone I love and have chosen to spend my life with, ie my DH, and final straw

It's up to you how you play this, but personally I oils be sending a group text explaining as gobby #2 feels so strongly about being in the same house as your DH you will be having the weekend by yourselves
And in case anyone didn't pick up on that, it's an un-invite to everyone else for not supporting you when gobby#2 said that

ThePearShapedToad · 08/02/2014 11:32

I agree with kundry. At first it was just gobby#1, now it seems they're all taking you for granted and being rude

Why on earth are you still friends with these people??

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 08/02/2014 11:32

God - why do you want them in the house repeats the content if 200 previous posts

They sound vile. I'd text them all and say yiu and DH have nori iris and the weekend is off. De-friend them in facebook and never speak to any of them again

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 08/02/2014 11:39

Why on earth did she say that? What is wrong with all these people?

shoom · 08/02/2014 11:40

That's horrendous. Have you told DH?

comingintomyown · 08/02/2014 11:42

I thought you were cancelling ?