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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

533 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 26/01/2014 10:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

OP posts:
Pigsmummy · 02/02/2014 15:16

I hope tat ou are having a lovely roast and enjoying yourself op x

FireMaker · 02/02/2014 20:29

Looking forward to an update

QOD · 02/02/2014 20:41

Wedging my arse in for an update!

phantomnamechanger · 02/02/2014 20:52

can't wait for the news!

birdybear · 02/02/2014 22:55

Hello ?

winkywinkola · 02/02/2014 22:58

They're all having a marvellous row. Throwing trifle and flicking wine at each other.

Clearing the air and all that.

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:14

Hey! You can all wait for an update at mine. I'll cook.

Tidy.

BarbaraWoodlouse · 02/02/2014 23:19

Cool Harold I'm bringing the kids and the cat. That's OK isn't it?

RunRabbit · 02/02/2014 23:20

I bet this is going to be one of those non resolution threads that makes people tear their hair out Grin

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:20

Totally, bring your whole family. In fact your postman looked like he needed a break, bring him too.

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:21

Well, only if I can bring dh, the kids, sil, and mil. And stay for the week Harold. Thats ok isn't it?

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:22

Damn, and the dogs. We have two. Thats ok too?

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:22

That's absolutely peachy with me Brian.

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:23

Only two? Can you borrow more?

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:24

Yes yes, I can. My mum has two as well. But that means I have to bring her, my dad and my brother. Does that work for you?

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:25

Yes that's fine, I still have a space of 2cm square in the west wing.

BarbaraWoodlouse · 02/02/2014 23:26

Brian I can of course assure you that Harold is absolutely fine with that. So that's OK.

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:27

Super, I'll start packing our suitcases now Grin

BarbaraWoodlouse · 02/02/2014 23:27

Cross posted with you there Harold!

You'll do my washing too won't you?

HaroldLloyd · 02/02/2014 23:28

If you train the dogs Barbara!

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:30

Oh yes, if you could train our dogs too Barbara, that would be great. They are a little unruly. And the children, does your expertise extend to them?

Helpyourself · 02/02/2014 23:31

Blimey, do you think they're all still there? Shock
OP did wonder up thread whether she would show her friends the thread.
You could imagine it all fun and her feeling luffly and what was I thinking, dreading this and I'm so silly, look what I posted on Mumsnet...

That would be awkward.

BarbaraWoodlouse · 02/02/2014 23:32

Sorry, no it doesn't. Grin

manicinsomniac · 02/02/2014 23:38

It all seems to have worked out ok ...

except, I don't understand why you went back on the offer to host the friend coming from 250 miles away? Nor why none of the other, presumably fairly local, guest couldn't host her if you couldn't.

At least 2 of you have 6 bedroom houses yet you made this (apparently very nice) woman and her family give up the time and money to travel 250 miles for a one day event and made her pay for accommodation into the bargain?! Ouch.

BrianTheMole · 02/02/2014 23:43

^^

Sorry, no it doesn't.

Grin