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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want friends to come to mine for a reunion?

533 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 26/01/2014 10:51

This is more of a WWYD than a AIBU, but here goes:

There's 6 of them coming over with kids and a few husbands too. They're my friends from uni and I've kept in touch with all of them over the years, some more than others. There have been times times when we've fallen out of touch for a few months or a year. They're not my closest friends; I hung around with another bunch but these were my classmates so I was on good terms wih them. I like them but to be honest, I don't love them.

There are a few who I have also fallen out with over the years and made up with again. One in particular, I'm not very fond of. But one night on whatsapp, we all started talking about meeting up and I went along with it. They decided on my house, so I agreed at the time because I didn't know how to refuse. I rearranged the date because they wanted to come that very weekend and it wasn't convenient for me and neither was the next weekend so they finally settled on this week. I was trying to put it off as long as I could.

Now, there's a few reasons I'm not looking forward to it. Firstly, they expect me to cook them a fantastic multi course meal. There are at least 7 kids coming too. The friend who I'm not particularly fond of has a tendency to expect things. She wants it to be a great weekend and is just expecting me to pull out all the stops. Not only that, she is very, very nosey and opens cupboards and drawers and sticks her head round every door. She's always commented on how my house is and although she tends to be complimentary in her choice of words, I feel it's all a fake. At the moment, my house is in a bit of a state: kitchen unit doors falling off, scribbled walls, no sofa in living room, carpets need changing etc. I can just imagine the comments.

Not only that, but she is loud, brash and generally very excitable. I don't particularly like being around her.

My weekends are very precious to me. I work throughout the week because with children, I spend the weekend recuperating as well as getting things done for the week. Having said that, I do entertain a lot of guests. But most, if not all of these, I enjoy having them over. They don't expect anything, they don't poke their noses in places and nor are they demanding in other ways.

I've been cleaning all week in preparation for them but there is still much to do. I don't mind the cleaning- I was due a spring clean anyway, but I'm feeling a bit of resentment towards them. I can't make an excuse and cancel without them seeing right through it. Although I don't particularly love them, I don't want to lose all the friendships either by cancelling on them. I can't deal with the negativity that would bring.

One thing I do know though is that if we were meeting at any of their homes, they wouldn't be very keen on it. Everyone's a little selfish, including me I guess, and it's just a free weekend away for some.

I'm not normally such a miser. If it was my closest group of friends from university, I'd love to have them over. They're kind, gracious, loving and non judgmental and I love them all.

So what do I do? Shall I just grin and bear it because it's just a weekend or do I have any way out of it without spoiling my relationship with them?

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 29/01/2014 03:02

I'm sure you only suggested showing them the thread in a tongue in cheek way, but really, just in case you were in any way serious, DON'T do it.
It never ends well. There have been a lot of judgemental posts on here and even though people don't know your friends, they will be hurt to read what internet strangers have said about them.

It's one thing to drop the acquaintance and leave the Whatsapp group - another thing entirely to have them revile you for allowing others to call them names.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 29/01/2014 06:43

Don't show them the thread, I'm always bemused when someone suggests 'show them the thread', bloody madness!

Anyway, withdrawing yourself from this group sounds a good idea.

Do update after Sunday, are you expecting any snippiness off gobby friend?

birdmomma · 29/01/2014 07:20

I just can't believe how much you had to repeat yourself to get it through to them! And that they thought it was ok for at least 10 adults and 7 children to descend on you for a fully catered weekend. I am horrified! Horrible people. You must have a really lovely house.

sonjadog · 29/01/2014 07:39

They must be a strange bunch that you have to keep telling them before they realise that they can't come and stay with you.

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 29/01/2014 14:17

I wasn't going to show them the thread ever. I'd die if they saw it. It was a joke.

OP posts:
TheDietStartsTomorrow · 29/01/2014 14:28

YouStayClassy I don't think they'll be snippiness. Believe it or not, we do get on well and most of the time we have a good time together. The gobby friend, as she's now come to be called, can be nosey but she'd not nasty. She'll spend half the day commenting on my home and comparing it to hers because she's very interested in home décor whereas I find it irritating because I find it all superficial and feel she's judging and being competitive. Plus home décor bores me. Then she'll ask to look round the house and look at each room and how it's changed since the last time she was here but this time I'll refuse and tell her to confine herself to the ground floor. Other than that, I'm sure the others will provide plenty of conversation and it'll be a good day, overall. Now that we've reached a decision that's not as imposing.

I will tell them though, that I'm not going to be attending any future get-togethers. It's just too much hard hassle.

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 29/01/2014 14:48

Well done, theDiet.

Socks555 · 29/01/2014 14:51

I wouldn't cut them off entirely OP, unless you really can't stand them.

Don't want you to look back and regret such a move when you could keep them in your life, at a distance

??

shoom · 29/01/2014 15:00

I hope you enjoy your weekend.

Charley50 · 29/01/2014 17:19

Hi OP,
Now that they are coming on Sunday don't you think a nice roast dinner or other lunch would be better as 5 is pretty late for everybody, yourself included?
You might actually enjoy yourself if you embrace them coming now rather than feeling annoyed and put upon.
Maybe they genuinely think for some reason that you enjoy hosting and cooking etc. Maybe take it as flattery, have fun, and make sure they help on the day. I really think lunch is better though on a Sunday

Icelollycraving · 29/01/2014 17:50

Won't that be really uncomfortable to say you won't be seeing them again?!

Nanny0gg · 29/01/2014 18:33

Much harder than telling them No over Whatsapp I would have thought.

Whocansay · 29/01/2014 20:53

I think it's quite likely they'll ignore what you've said and will just turn up on Saturday. They don't really seem to get it!

Or if they do and are playing dumb, they must be pretty unpleasant people.

Either way, I'd go out if your DH isn't too tired. Or make him answer the door naked...

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 29/01/2014 22:21

Charley that is what I intend to do now. Have fun and make the most of it. I wasn't going to tell them when they came that I don't want to see them again. Just that we should think twice about arranging to meet up together all at such notice at someone's house in future. I feel long distance friendships are maintained much better when you talk on the phone when you want to, through email and texts and meeting up occasionally with one or two rather than 7 of us trying to get together with our families at one time in one persons house.

I feel I've already spent too much time and energy on this. I feel quite guilty too. I maybe shouldn't have discussed how I feel so openly here. Feels wrong now. But what's done is done and time to move on.

Thank you all of you for taking the time to tell me what you think. I truly do appreciate everyone's opinion even the one's that few that were negative because they did me to help to reflect on my behaviour. Will hopefully post an update on Sunday telling you how wonderful the evening was and how I've realised they're not such a bad bunch after all and that they were extremely gracious and helpful and polite and fun and as a result, I'll still be keeping them in my life. :) Now, that would be a positive outcome.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 29/01/2014 22:30

Long distance group friendships are brilliant can be maintained and nurtured but we only do it in place that is convenient and great for everyone. Next time plan a wonderful cottage so that is exciting for all. I just think the whole idea of you catering for everyone is never going to work.
Enjoy you clearly like seeing them though otherwise you would not even be doing this lunch.

GingerBlondecat · 01/02/2014 13:58

Update ?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 01/02/2014 15:07

Isn't the meet up at TheDiet's tomorrow? Ginger.

GingerBlondecat · 01/02/2014 15:11

^^ haha Probably. But I never quite know what day of the week is Now Wink

AlpacaPicnic · 01/02/2014 17:07

Now come on... She very clearly said Sunday! Wink

ThePearShapedToad · 02/02/2014 08:43

Yes yes, let us know how last night at Gobby's house and today at yours goes Smile

pussycatdoll · 02/02/2014 08:46

Oh yes how did yesterday go Grin anyone turn up at yours by mistake ??

londonrach · 02/02/2014 08:48

Offering diet support and waiting to hear how yesterday and today goes. Who stayed in the end

StealthPolarBear · 02/02/2014 09:10

Lurking

Thumbwitch · 02/02/2014 11:47

Checking in so I don't lose this thread before the update...

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/02/2014 11:52

Marking place. ..

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