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Original poster

How to protect my baby from smoking

242 replies

Tombo80 · 26/01/2014 10:45

After a night sleeping on the sofa, my wife has gone off the hook crazy about the issue of smoking! Please can someone tell me if I deserve this!

Our first baby is due in mid May and despite my father chain smoking 50 a day around me and my 4 sisters i am determined that my little bear will not come into contact with any cigarette smoke, but what I thought were reasonable precautions are apparently not acceptable. This is the situation;

We live in the frozen moores of saddleworth.
The house was built in 1912 with an old detached outside privy opposite the front door.
About 10 years ago the previous owners put a plastic glazed lean-to to join the house to the toilet. The exterior grade door to the house still exists.
I smoke in this lean-to, but agree that I will have to modify this when the baby comes.

I have agreed that I will have to smoke outside during the day, when the baby is awake, and when the weather is not extreme (as it so often is up here). Bearing in mind the starting point is that the baby should never come into contact with my smoking, i thought that smoking in this lean to room, with the exterior grade door closed, when it is raining and sub zero and the baby was in bed was not going to be a problem.... but apparently i am the worst human ever!

My wife has been a real trooper and is normally so calm, but this has really got her mad. What do you guys think? Please help, because I don't want to be on the sofa again tonight!

OP posts:
ChristineDaae · 26/01/2014 10:48

Smoke clings to you, your hair, your clothes. If you are so determined tha your baby not come into contact with smoke, how about going to see your GP/nurse and getting help to quit?
Otherwise, unless you are planning on smoking outside and showering and changing after every smoke, your baby will be exposed to it

Tulip26 · 26/01/2014 10:48

From a health point of view your wife is absolutely right. You will be coming back inside and breathing harmful chemicals onto the baby for up to twenty minutes after smoking. Why don't you try and quit? Babies are bloody expensive, you can use the money you save to treat the little one.

AnythingNotEverything · 26/01/2014 10:49

The best thing to do is to stop smoking. Harmful toxins remaining your breath and on your clothes.

Exposure to smoke is one of the list risk factors for SIDS. It's best for all of you if you stop.

I'm an ex smoker. I know it's hard. It's worth it.

MinkBernardLundy · 26/01/2014 10:49

Bad news for you, if you smoke at all, anywhere even miles from baby you put them at increased risk of conditions such a glue ear. this is because, you as a smoker have sticky respiratory tract which makes you more prone to bring infection into the house.

Could you not switch to electronic cigarettes? Consumed outdoors in the lean to.

And what are you going to do during the day when baby is awake?

What if you are looking after baby on your own?

Chocotrekkie · 26/01/2014 10:49

Will you wash your hands and change your clothes (every time) before you hold the baby ?
Does your wife want to co-sleep - I don't think this is recommended if a parent smokes.

Maybe she is worried about you getting sick from smoking - I was terrified of something happening to my oh when I was pregnant (hormones!)

PenguinBear · 26/01/2014 10:50

Agree, you need to quit. Loads of support these days :)

My DP used to smoke cigars but when we had dd1 (14 years ago now!) he gave during the pregnancy.

Nancy66 · 26/01/2014 10:51

You've got 4 months to quit - and save a small fortune.

Figis · 26/01/2014 10:51

Your wife is right, minimising smoking round the baby is important but as a smoker you leach out toxins that are harmful to your baby. SIDS is rare but babies being round smokers is the single biggest risk other than prone sleeping position.

I have friends who have kept smoking and reached an agreement on managing the impact where possible but there are plenty of us not happy to tolerate any major contact with a smoker.

Are you open to seeing your gp about cessation? You have lots of good reasons to stop. I stopped and have no regrets, you never do only if you carry on.

MissHobart · 26/01/2014 10:51

You should stop, completely, a lot of the toxins hang around on your clothes, baby will grow up exposed to it and used to you stinking of smoke, your children will also be more likely to smoke if you do. Decide if smoking or your family mean more to you!

Me and OH are ttc and so trying desperately to stop smoking, it's a slow, long, hard slog but we'll get there. You will too. Smile

MinkBernardLundy · 26/01/2014 10:54

Also surely all the smoke gets trapped in the lean to so when you open the door it comes into the house.

Afraid your wife has a very good point.

My x, an on off smoker, gave up for the dcs first year. and when he did smoke after that did so outside exposed to the elements. (and he is a selfish prick generally).

softlysoftly · 26/01/2014 10:54

If you want to protect baby then give up.

It sticks to you and stinks, really really stinks and trust me there is no easy way to get around it. With PFB DH used to dress in thick coat, hat, gloves to smoke and remove all of them and wash and change before touching her but it was still on his breath and in reality it meant I had to do everything for 30 minutes post smoke.

With DD2 she was high needs and he slowly slipped into picking up her and DD2 straight away as it was impossible for me to cope alone for the hour it takes smoke to dissipate. I had a just to sink in the mire or allow it which isn't really a fair choice.

So I'd advise quitting and I know it's not easy I smoked for years until pregnant but the drive of protecting a baby was stronger than the need to smoke.

Sallyingforth · 26/01/2014 10:55

Smokers die younger, sometimes much younger. If you don't stop, your child will suffer.

PacificDogwood · 26/01/2014 10:55

Yes, quit.
For yourself and for your child's health. And to ensure that your child will have a father for a long, long time.

The PP are right - smoke clings to everything and even if you smoked at the bottom of the garden you'd bring it inside with you.

You've got a great reason to want to stop - go for it. If you manage to stop for a while and lapse: learn from what made you go back to smoking and do it differently the next time. Many people stop more than once before they become ex-smokers forever.
Access professional help to quit - there's no need to do it solo these days. Stopping and staying stopped is more likely to happen with help.

Good luck.

PacificDogwood · 26/01/2014 10:56

Think of all the money you'll save Wink

VelvetStrider · 26/01/2014 10:57

Why don't you try and give up? There's lots of help available.

Smokers are often incredibly naive about how lingering cigarette smoke is. I can smell when my neighbour is smoking in their garden, even with windows and doors closed. I can smell if the person 100ft in front of me walking along the road is smoking. I can smell smoke on my clothes if I've had to stand next to a smoker. I can smell a smoker's breath even if they have had mints afterwards. And smoker's clothes always stink. Always.

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear, but those little poisonous particles get everywhere, and they stick around. Do you really want your little bear near that?

specialsubject · 26/01/2014 10:57

look at yourself. Your addiction is going to have you standing in a disused toilet so you can get your fix.

please get help to quit. Also I don't know how anyone affords the things!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 26/01/2014 10:59

No way would I be kicked out of my bed, that's not on.

You can either quit or go out side wear a hat and have a specific top to wear, brush your teeth and wash your hands ( like I do)

magimedi · 26/01/2014 10:59

If you can't go cold turkey, get an ecig.

Come over to the ecig thread & scroll down to the bottom of the page for Allergictoironing's great explanation of ecigs & vaping. Lots more info on the thread, but that is a really succint explanation of it all.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1912752-AIBU-to-STILL-feel-positively-evangelical-about-electronic-cigarettes-thread-2?pg=18

pianodoodle · 26/01/2014 10:59

I'm going to go on the assumption that you aren't going to stop smoking as it's very easy to say quitting would solve everything but it isn't always that easy :)

It's reasonable to have to smoke outside, definitely. My husband smokes outside in all weathers. That means with the door closed so no smoke is blowing into the house.

BertieBottsJustGotMarried · 26/01/2014 11:00

If you want to protect your baby, you should always smoke outside. You can absolutely tell if someone smokes in a house even if it's only in a very small, semi-outside part of the house. Could you smoke in the privy rather than the lean to?

You should also wear outer clothes that you don't wear inside the house, such as a jacket, which ideally you leave in a porch or other not-lived-in part of the house which is just used for storage.

You should wash your hands after smoking and wait 30 minutes before holding the baby as this is how long it takes for you to stop breathing out smoke. It's only visible for a couple of minutes but the harmful toxins are there for this long. I also think it's best to stay outside for a couple of minutes after finishing the cigarette because a smoker is breathing out visible smoke just after they've had one which is unpleasant.

Neither of you should co-sleep if one of you is a smoker. Even if you never smoke anywhere near the baby.

Ideally you should not smoke at all when the baby is awake and only in the evenings (although most babies don't go to bed handily at 7pm and stay asleep, sorry to say! Maybe when a little older.) If you do this you can also shower before bed so that when you wake up there are no toxins on your skin/hair and never ever smoke in clothes you wear to bed even under a coat.

I am a very light smoker and DH is a smoker and we both plan to quit if/when I get pregnant, as I did with DS. I didn't start again until he was 18 months old and then it was occasional, in the evenings, always outside a good distance from the door and I followed all of these except I slowly relaxed them as DS got older, which is probably a bit hypocritical. But for a tiny baby I think it's absolutely worth it and I would recommend giving up (even temporarily) as the best solution.

MairzyDoats · 26/01/2014 11:00

Have you tried e-cigs? They've saved my marriage is think. For 10 years I tried to get DH to quit, sometimes he would for months but then I'd discover he had started again. This time they seem to have really done the job. Plus you can use them indoors so you won't be freezing your bits off in an outhouse. Smile

MrsOakenshield · 26/01/2014 11:00

tell me this - would you be happy if your DW smoked throughout her pregnancy with your child, poisoning your baby with foul toxins?

I can't understand how women can give up but men somehow can't.

You are the child of a chain smoker. You smoke yourself. Do you want your baby to grow up to be an addict?

frugalfuzzpig · 26/01/2014 11:01

I have definitely read that smoking outside makes no real difference when it comes to protecting your child.

MyNameIsKenAdams · 26/01/2014 11:01

Im another one pondering how you will manage to smoke so far away if in sole charge of your dc during the day.

frugalfuzzpig · 26/01/2014 11:03

Good point about cosleeping. You won't be able to bring the baby into your bed.

I presume the reason your wife is angry is that she thinks you should quit?

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